On My Shoulder
by LauGS
Summary: His life has fallen to pieces; pieces he can't put back together, at least not on his own, and the only person he finds himself able to trust is a stranger with bright hazel eyes and an easy smile.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone!**

**Welcome to my brand new fic! :) This baby has been finished and sitting around since December, and I'm so excited to finally have the chance to share it with you guys! I hope you'll like it!**

**There are two people I have to thank: first, Wutif for always being such an amazing and dedicated beta, and second my friend Brandi who had to put up with me while I was writing this. To them goes my inconditional love :)**

**As usual I own absolutely nothing. Every recognizable name and place are only used here with fictional purposes. Title belongs to a beautiful song by Westlife.**

**Enjoy the first chapter!**

* * *

It wasn't unusual for Darren to stay up all night. He felt like the Duracell bunny sometimes; he could just keep going and going until eventually, he would collapse somewhere and sleep deeply for long hours.

He strummed his guitar and hummed to himself, forever working on the perfect melody. It was eluding him tonight. There was a weird unsettled feeling hovering over him, brushing against his skin, putting him on edge. He could feel it all over him, from the tip of his toes to the very last curl on his head. It was as if his body knew before he did that something was wrong.

He wouldn't find out exactly what caused it until he got the call in the morning.

* * *

It was late. It was dark. In hindsight, he knew it was the perfect set up.

Chris had met a few friends from his movie cast and crew for dinner. He had laughed so hard his stomach ached a little. It always amazed him, how he had managed to surround himself with so many wonderful people, especially since he had felt so alone growing up, back in Clovis. It was a blessing, one that Chris never wanted to take for granted.

He walked to his car across the empty parking lot, twirling the keys in his fingers and humming happily to himself. He had to leave earlier than most of his friends since he had an early call on set the next morning. He fished his BlackBerry out of his jean's pocket to check the time. If the traffic wasn't heavy, he'd be able to get at least six hours of sleep. That was more than he often managed, so he couldn't complain.

"Watcha got there?"

Chris looked over his shoulder. He hadn't even noticed there was someone else there.

The man was standing against a concrete column, smoking a cigarette. His hair was dirty and so were his clothes. A strong smell of alcohol and from his lack of hygiene reached Chris' nose.

Chris ignored him and kept walking towards his car. Why had he parked so far away?

"Hey, I'm talking to you," Chris could hear the man stumbling after him. "Didn't your mom teach you any manners, pretty boy?"

"She also taught me not to talk to strangers," Chris answered without stopping. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Why did he have to talk back?

"Oh, that's a nice car you have there, pretty boy!" The man exclaimed, trying to whistle and failing epically, when Chris reached his car.

Chris sighed in relief when he unlocked the door, but he should have waited till he was inside it to feel safe. He should have hurried a little faster. He should have known this would happen.

The blow left him breathless. It struck his kidney, under his ribs, and the pain shot through him. He didn't have time to react before the man grabbed his arm and shoved him against another column. He was on Chris a second later, holding him against the post with something sharp pricking against his side, maybe a piece of glass or a knife. He didn't want to find out what it was.

"What do you have?" The man asked. He was too close and his putrid breath wafted over Chris' face, making him feel as if he could throw up any second. "That nice phone, some money? What else?"

"I don't have a lot of money on me," Chris said, trying not to look as frightened as he felt. It was true, and he hoped that wouldn't make him mad. Usually he just used his cards, carrying a minimal amount of cash in his wallet in case he needed it for tips and things like that. "But you can take it. And my phone, too…"

"You bet I'm gonna take them," the man almost spat on his face. "Give them to me, now!"

The man felt down his sides and grabbed his wallet from his back pocket, eagerly flipping it open. He had less than two hundred dollars there, but his eyes lit as if he hadn't seen that amount of money in far too long. Chris reached to get his phone for him.

And that's when it all went to shit.

Apparently, he hadn't locked it when he had checked the time a few minutes ago. His hands were shaking and he didn't realize he'd pressed redial… and a call was connecting. The last number he had dialed was Ashley's.

"Hello? Chris?" Ashley's voice came from the speaker, loud enough to be heard in the deserted parking lot. "Hello? Did you butt-dial me again, baby boy?"

Chris' eyes went wide in panic. He didn't know what to do. Should he take his chance and ask Ashley to send help? Or just end the call and give the phone to this maniac so he would leave him alone?

"Chris, are you there?" Ashely asked, sounding concerned, as if she _knew_ he was in trouble.

The man's face changed into a mask of sheer rage. He knocked the phone out of Chris' hand to clatter to the ground. "What the fuck did you just do, pretty boy?"

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't do it on purpose! Just take it, please!" Chris said, desperately.

"Do you think you're smart ass? Did you think I wouldn't notice?" The man pushed him back against the concrete column and then punched Chris right on the jaw, making his head snap back and black spots appear in his vision.

There was a scream and Chris realized it hadn't come from him only when the man turned back to look at the phone that was still there on the ground. The call still hadn't disconnected. Ashley was listening to the whole thing.

The man turned, walked to the phone and stomped on it furiously, breaking it into little pieces. Chris knew it was stupid, but his instincts said he needed to get the hell away from there.

He ran as quickly as he could, feeling like he was moving in slow motion.

He didn't get far before he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head, and his legs crumpled under him, falling face first to the ground.

And then, it was over.

* * *

Darren had just got up from the couch and was heading to the kitchen for a cup of coffee when the phone rang. He was supposed to be at work in forty five minutes, and he still had to shower. There weren't many people who called him this early, but the few that did, never kept it short. He really didn't have the time to chat right now.

But when he checked his caller ID and saw Lea's picture flashing on the screen, he frowned. She never called this early. Maybe they had changed his schedule again and needed him to get to work sooner? Maybe his first scene had been cancelled? But why was _she_ the one calling?

"Hello, Lea!" He said, using his free hand to choose a clean mug from the cupboard.

"D-Darren?" Her voice sounded hoarse on the other side.

"Hey, Lea. What's up?" He asked, moving to the coffee machine.

"Haven't you heard?" Lea sniffled. "A-about Chris?"

Darren put his cup down on the kitchen counter, and held his phone with both hands, paying close attention now. "No. What's with Chris?"

"Darren, he was a-attacked last night," Lea choked out a sob as if the words caused her physical pain.

Darren straightened up, his heart thumping in his chest. "Oh my god. _What_? Is he okay?"

"I don't know!" Lea cried harder. "Apparently someone tried to mug him and Ashley heard the whole thing over the phone. His parents are in his room here at the hospital with him, but we haven't heard any news yet."

"Are you there? Are you alone? Which hospital?" Darren was already walking to the front door, grabbing a jacket and his car keys on his way out the door, no question in his mund of where he needed to be.

"I'm with Cory," Lea replied. "Ryan called us first, to tell us not to go into the studio since our first scene today was with him." Lea sniffled again. "We're at Cedars Sinai."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Darren said and immediately shoved the phone into his pocket as he rushed towards his car.

How had this happened? Chris was one of the most careful people he knew. God, what if it was really serious? Lea sounded so desperate and if Chris had spent the entire night at the hospital…

Darren forced all of his thoughts out of his mind while he drove. He didn't know how bad the situation was. Maybe Chris just had a few scratches and he was a bit shaken up by the experience. It didn't mean something _really_ bad had happened to him.

Right?

Chris had been the first friend Darren had made on set. They had become best friends in a matter of hours and even though Darren got along with pretty much everyone he met, the chemistry with Chris had been fantastic since the very first day. Chris was the guy he went out for drinks with on Friday nights after work, when he could convince him to stop writing whatever book he was writing now. It was at Chris' house where he showed up unannounced when he was bored out of his mind on Sunday afternoons, carrying bags full of DVDs and junk food and looking for someone to share them with. It was Chris who he had called in the middle of the night when Mia broke up with him and it had been Chris who had driven all the way to his apartment at three in the morning, with a carton of ice cream and a bottle of vodka.

"He's okay," Darren whispered to the empty car.

He just had to be.

* * *

It had probably been the pain that woke him up. Even trying to open his eyes hurt and when he tried to part his lips to take a mouthful of air, a sharp pain made him gasp. His jaw ached like nothing he had ever felt before…

He could hear voices but couldn't make out any of the words. He didn't feel like moving because he was quite comfortable if he stayed absolutely still. Without even opening his eyes, he knew he was in a bed. Maybe he could just stay here and sleep until the pain stopped…

But, where was _here_?

Knowing that to find out he would have to open his eyes even if he didn't want to, he gave it another try.

"Christopher? Christopher!"

The sudden cry made his eyes snap open way too fast, and pain shot through his head. The white, too-bright lights almost blinded him and before he had time to look around, someone was blocking his view and holding him, nearly smothering him.

He tensed. What the hell was going on?

The woman who had thrown her arms around him was pulling away and kissing his forehead, relief written all over her face. He could see a flash of red-ish brown hair. "Talk to me, Christopher. Oh my God, I was so scared…"

"Let him breathe, Karyn," a masculine voice said. The man was big and even though he was smiling, he looked intimidating. "How do you feel, buddy?"

He could feel his eyes going wide and his breath quickening. He looked between the two people staring down at him hopefully. "I…"

"Take it easy, dear. Do you need some water first?" Karyn asked, moving to the bedside table to pour some water into a cup from a light green pitcher.

"I'm not thirsty. I'm…" He frowned, although it made his head hurt even more. "I'm sorry, but I think you're confusing me with someone else."

"Christopher," Karyn said, as her smile froze on her face. "What are you…? Of course we're not confusing you with…" She turned to look at the other man. "Tim, what's going on?"

Tim took a step closer to the bed. "Chris… don't you… do you know who we are?"

He blinked uneasily. Why were these people asking him all these questions? Of course he didn't know who they were! "No, I don't. And my name isn't Christopher, so please stop calling me tha–…"

He couldn't even finish the sentence before the woman started crying in dismay, covering her face with her hands. Tim rounded the bed to hold her in his arms.

A doctor that had been watching everything approached him then. She immediately flashed a light into his eyes, without any sort of warning. He felt trapped, like a rat in a laboratory. _What the hell was going on?_

"Chris, I'm doctor Malkin," she said, frowning down at him. "What's the last thing you remember doing?"

He gaped at her, staring at all of them in confusion. What was the last thing he remembered? That was such a silly question! The last thing he had been doing before waking up here was… was…

Nothing. There was nothing. Just a blank space.

He had _no_ memories.

"Sh, sh!" Doctor Malkin said, in what was supposed to be a soothing voice, seeing him seize up with anxiety. "Calm down, Chris! Breathe with me!"

"What's happening?" Karyn asked from behind her.

"He's having a panic attack," the doctor explained.

Chris (was his name really Chris? Was it possible that these people _knew_ him?) was shaking uncontrollably and having a lot of trouble breathing. He felt his chest tightening. His hands closed in fists on the sheets, and he started sweating…

"Christopher, darling, please," Karyn took a step forward and put a gentle hand on his arm. "Everything will be okay. Whatever is happening, it'll be…"

"D-don't touch me!" He tried to scream, but the lack of air in his lungs made him sound choked. "Leave me alone! Now!"

"Please," Karyn was crying harder, staring at him pleadingly. "Please. I'm your mom. Christopher, I'm your mom…"

"G-get away from me!" He cried, trying to move away from her touch. What was all this? Was this his mother? He would remember his mother, wouldn't he? How could he forget his own mother?

How had he forgotten his own name?

The doctor asked Tim and Karyn to leave the room and waited while the man had to almost drag his wife out of the room. She was sobbing desperately, calling for Christopher, almost as panicked as the boy still shaking on the bed.

* * *

Darren entered the waiting room feeling breathless. He had run from the parking lot (had he locked his car?) and hadn't stopped until he found what he was looking for.

Lea was leaning against Cory's side, quietly sniffing. Cory was serious, more serious than Darren had ever seen him. His eyes were fixed on the muted television in the corner, but it was obvious he wasn't paying attention to whatever pointless soap opera was on. Darren swallowed nervously and walked towards them, but then he noticed the other person in the room he hadn't noticed before.

It was Ashley. The girl was pacing around, biting her nails. Her cheeks were wet with the tracks of endless tears she had been crying for who knew how long already. Darren had never seen her like this. She was such a joyful spirit, always cheering everyone up, smiling…

Lea saw him first. "Darren…"

"Hi," he said. He couldn't hide how desperate he was for news. "What happened? Do you know anything more yet?"

"No," Cory answered, shaking his head slightly. "His parents haven't come out of his room yet. We only know as much as you know. He got attacked by a mugger."

Darren closed his eyes to calm himself. When he opened them, he noticed Ashley hadn't stopped pacing. It was as if she hadn't even noticed he had arrived. He walked towards her slowly.

"Ash?" He called softly. She turned to look at him. Her face was a devastating sight. "He's going to be okay…"

She let out a heartbroken sob and Darren immediately tugged her into his arms, kissing her temple when she dopped her head onto his shoulder.

"I heard how that bastard hurt him. I heard it all," she said quietly next to his ear, as if she didn't have much strength left. "And I couldn't do _anything_ to stop it."

Darren didn't know what to say. He was sure that no matter what he could come up with, it wouldn't be of any comfort for Ashley. They were Chris' best friends. No one was as close to Chris as them. Only Ashley could understand Darren's fear, and only Darren could understand Ashley's utter desolation.

"He's going to be okay," Darren said again, because he needed to convince himself of that, too.

"Promise?" Ashley pulled away to look at him, wide eyes full of hope.

"Of course," Darren kissed her cheek. "He's probably already driving his doctors crazy asking them to let him go so he can go home and write and feed Brian and all of that."

A watery smile spread on Ashley's face. "Yeah, you're right…"

Just as she finished saying that, they heard someone crying and turned around to see Tim Colfer helping his wife into the waiting room. She collapsed on a chair near the door and hid her face in her hands.

Everyone tensed. The fear, the pain, the _what if_ were all hanging in the air…

Darren's hand found Ashley's in a death grip. "What happened?" He asked, because no one else seemed capable of talking.

Tim discretely wiped some tears away from his eyes. "He's awake. He's…" He sighed, as if he were frustrated because he couldn't find the best way to say this. "He didn't seem to recognize us…"

Lea looked at them with bright, frightened eyes. "What do you mean?"

"What did that monster do to my son?" Karyn cried without removing her hands from her face. Her shoulders wouldn't stop shaking with her sobs.

"Did he…," Darren paused, gathering the courage he needed to really clarify this. "Did he lose his memory?"

"He didn't lose it," Karyn finally looked up, her eyes fixed on Darren's, so full of pain and despair. "It was taken away from him."

Darren felt his stomach drop at the same time as Ashley's hand let go of his.

* * *

Doctor Malkin had finally managed to calm him down. She offered him some water, asked him if any of his injuries hurt and then sat on the chair next to the bed and started talking about how he had been hit in the back of his head and how that had apparently produced his amnesia. How bad the amnesia was, they still didn't know, but she wanted to ask him, _Chris_, as she kept calling him, a few questions.

Well, _Chris_ had stopped listening a while ago and now he was completely lost in his own thoughts.

Was his name really Chris? Were those two people he had seen a few minutes ago truly his parents? Why had he been attacked? Where was he? What else had he forgotten? What if all of this was a nightmare? Was he going to wake up soon? Because he really, really wanted to wake up…

"Chris? Are you listening to me?" The doctor asked, tilting her head to the side to look at him attentively.

"Don't call me Chris," he said, rubbing at his temples with his fingers, but stopping when it made the headache worse.

"Okay," she agreed immediately. "What do you want me to I call you?"

He realized he didn't have an answer for that. He sighed in frustration and turned his head, staring up at the ceiling. "Fine. Call me Chris if you want."

Had his voice always been so high-pitched?

"Where do you live, Chris?"

He didn't answer. How could he? He didn't have the faintest idea.

"How old are you?"

How old _was_ he? He didn't feel very old. He looked down at his hands and realized he didn't remember what his face looked like either.

He could feel another panic attack growing inside of him.

"What do you do for a living?"

She wasn't giving him any time to think. She wasn't giving him time to remember.

"Do you have any siblings?"

"Can you just stop?" He snapped, covering his ears with his hands. "Don't you see I can't answer any of your damn questions? Just leave me alone!"

"Chris, please, make an effort. I need to see how bad this is so we can…"

"It's bad," Chris interrupted, glaring at her. "It's really bad. I can't tell you my name, my age or what I look like. I don't know who I am or where I am. I can't tell you a damn thing. So _stop_ asking!"

"I'm not trying to make you feel worse about this," she promised as soothingly as she could. "I'm trying to help you. And I know this is scary…"

Chris closed his eyes and did his best to ignore her. He needed silence. He needed to put his thoughts in order. He wanted to get out of here. He wanted the answers he couldn't get by himself…

"Okay," Doctor Malkin sighed and stood up. "Let's try something different."

"I don't want to try anything else!" His headache was getting more and more intense. He wanted to turn off the lights and sleep.

Doctor Malkin studied the distress in his face and finally nodded. "Fine. I'll let you rest for a little while. I know this must be hard for you, Chris. But if you let me help you, maybe together we can find a solution."

Chris couldn't even look at her. The doctor was quite young. She was probably in her early thirties. Was she older than him? Could she really help him? Was there something anyone could do about his new situation?

Chris sagged in the bed as soon as he was alone. He hid his face in the pillow and closed his eyes tightly. He willed some memories to come to him. He tried to remember silly things, like his favorite food, and important things, like his family. But, after a while, he still had no images flashing through his mind that could make him feel better, and a splitting headache that was almost making him cry in frustration.

If he couldn't remember, maybe it would be better for him to forget completely.

* * *

While Mr. and Mrs. Colfer explained the situation to Chris' friends, Darren zoned out. He couldn't reconcile the image of his best friend with the image of some guy that had just woken up in a hospital bed. He couldn't imagine it. Darren closed his eyes and tried to imagine this broken boy who seemed to have nothing to do with what Darren knew about the real Chris.

Ashley had her face tucked in the crook of his shoulder, still crying. He didn't know how to comfort her when he was as confused and lost as she was. Lea looked tiny, snuggled against Cory's side, crying into her boyfriend's chest.

Darren felt numb. It was as if he didn't know how to react. He knew that deep down inside he was just as devastated and scared as the rest of the people sitting aorund him, but there was a tiny part of him that still had hope. As if Chris might walk into the waiting room any time soon and smile at everyone and ask them why they were crying.

Once his wife had calmed down a little, Tim said he was going to get them all some coffee, although Darren was sure that the man just didn't want to break down in front of Karyn. Without even giving it a second thought, he wrapped the arm he didn't have wrapped around Ashley around Karyn's shoulders and pulled her closer.

"I wouldn't worry too much if I were you," Darren muttered, trying to smile reassuringly. "Chris is the strongest guy I know. He'll be better in no time…"

Karyn nodded, unable to say anything.

Tim was already back (Darren couldn't tell how much time had passed as they all stayed there, nervously waiting without really knowing exactly_ what_ they were waiting for), when a doctor appeared, looking around as if looking for someone. When she saw Chris' parents, she walked straight towards them.

Darren watched them as they spoke quietly a few steps away. Tim and Karyn's faces were full of concern. Ashley kept crying next to him. The poor girl was inconsolable. Darren wasn't sure how he was so calm on the outside when, inside, his feelings were making him dizzy. He was so scared he was convinced he was going to throw up eventually. He guessed it was his protective instinct kicking in. Seeing all these terrified, sad people, he knew he needed to do something to make them feel better. It was also a great distraction.

After a few minutes, both Chris' parents and the doctor walked to where Darren, Ashley, Lea and Cory were sitting.

"Hello," she said politely. There wasn't even a hint of a smile in her face. "I'm doctor Malkin. I was just talking to Chris' parents and I'd like to see if any of you can trigger some of the memories he has lost. It would give us a place to start…"

"Does that mean we can see him?" Ashley asked immediately, gripping Darren's hand so tightly he was afraid she would break his fingers.

"Yes," the doctor nodded. "I'll take you to him and I'll stay in the room while you visit. Talk to him, try mentioning something about the last time you saw him, anything that you think could be significant for him, to prompt his memories."

It was unusual for Darren to zone out of conversations so often, but today was an exceptional day. Suddenly, he understood why he was so calm.

It wasn't that they all needed someone to rely on.

It wasn't he wanted to help Chris' parents or Ashley or anyone else.

It was that he hadn't actually seen Chris yet.

It wasn't going to be real until he saw it with his own eyes.

* * *

Even though he had begged to be left alone, the silence was just as terrifying as the questions he couldn't answer. Chris had been staring at the ceiling for a while and he was sure that, at a moment like this, a person's head should have been filled up with thoughts and worries and even more questions and a splash of memories.

He had nothing. He only had this weird sensation in his stomach that he recognized as uneasiness.

He took his time to take a look around the room as an attempt to distract himself. There wasn't anything special about it. It was quite big. The walls were painted in a soothing cream shade with a random pattern of beige here and there. He could see a few prints of landscapes, and a couple of comfortable-looking couches against the opposite wall to his bed. The furniture was all tasteful but simple at the same time.

It wasn't an ugly room by any means, but Chris still couldn't wait to get out of there.

But... to go _where_?

The door opened again then, revealing Doctor Malkin. Chris tried to hide his annoyance at seeing the young doctor once more, but he wasn't sure if he had been successful.

And then he didn't really have time to think about that, because a girl was slipping into the room behind her. Her brown hair was a mess and her face was full of blotches and tear tracks. As soon as she saw him, she let out a huge sob and crossed the room quickly to get to his side.

"Oh my god, baby."

Chris soon found himself imprisoned between her arms and her chest. She smelled nice, like some flower-scented soap or shampoo and he knew that should had been comforting somehow, but he was too busy feeling uncomfortable and starting to panic again.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry. I wish I could've done something," she kept crying. "But I know you're going to be fine. Everything will be fine. Damn it, Colfer, I thought I had lost you for a moment..." And then she procceeded to bawl against his neck.

Who _was_ this girl? And why was she so distressed? What the hell had happened to him to end up like this? Was she with him when whatever it was happened?

Maybe he could've asked her those questions and gotten some answers, but he could feel her tears wetting the collar of his white t-shirt and her hands grabbing at him as if she wanted to make sure he was there and real. It was all so overwhelming...

He felt his breath shortening again as he looked around the room, hoping to catch the doctor's eye and beg her for help, but she was scribbling something down on a folder with sheets of paper in it. And then he noticed they weren't the only people in the room.

There was another girl, pretty even though she was crying too and, judging by the state of her face, she had been for a while now. She was petite, tiny, compared to the big guy standing next to her, who had his arms around her. It was obvious they were a couple. He was staring at him almost as if he were afraid, although Chris couldn't understand why such a huge guy would be afraid of _him_. But the way the girl was crying with her hand covering her mouth to bite back the sobs was terribly unsettling.

He started shaking under the tightness of the first girl's embrace. He tried pushing her away to take a good mouthful of air, but she wouldn't let go. His heart started beating faster, as if it was well on its way to cardiac arrest.

"Ashley," a soft, gentle voice said and Chris noticed another guy had approached the bed and was trying to remove the girl off him. "Ash, come on. Give him some space."

"No, wait. Chris, please..." she sobbed, pulling away just enough to cup his face with one hand. She seemed to want to say something.

Chris jerked away from the touch. He could feel his chest raising and falling at a frantic pace.

"He needs you to let go, Ash, come on," the guy insisted, tugging at her arm firmly.

"I-I-I want to hug him, too," the girl enveloped in the arms of the giant said, trying to get closer.

"No, Lea," the guy taking Ashley from him replied. "I think he's had enough hugs for today."

The big guy nodded and smiled awkwardly, sadly at him. "We'll leave you alone now, Chris. We'll come see you when you've had some time to... adjust."

Without another word, Lea and her boyfriend walked out of the room. Ashley was still standing by the bed, trying to hold back a new batch of tears.

"I'll take care of Brian while you're here and I'll call Alla and everyone else to let them know you need some time," she said and the unfamiliar names swirled in his head, adding to his confusion. "Everything will be alright before you know it, Chris..."

It seemed as she really wasn't done crying, so she turned around to get out of the room as fast as she could. Chris was sort of grateful for that.

And he was also grateful for the other man still standing next to the bed.

He had warm hazel eyes and messy curly hair. He had a strong jaw and weird eyebrows and there was a hint of stubble in his face. Chris was relieved to see he wasn't crying. He seemed sad, but at least he seemed to be the only one capable of keeping it together.

"Hi," the man said. He had to be in his twenties. "I'm sorry if the girls upset you. We've had to wait for news about you for a while and they got a little emotional. They didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Chris nodded. He didn't know what to say. He felt different, calmer. His fears disolved as his chest loosened and his heartbeat went back to normal.

There was a little pause, and then he was extending a hand towards Chris. "I'm Darren."

Chris stared at his hand for a moment. Yes, he was definitely grateful for this guy. When every one around him was acting so crazy, so distraught, he was behaving as if things were normal for Chris.

He accepted his hand. "I'm Chris… they tell me," he said awkwardly.

"I can call you whatever you want," Darren replied, teasingly. "Chris, Christopher, AstroBoy, Felix the Cat…"

That elicited a little chuckle from Chris, which was exactly Darren's intention. Darren smiled at him softly. There still was a glow of sadness in his eyes, but he hid it for Chris' sake. Unlike all of the people he had met that day, Darren kept his fears control. Chris couldn't even describe how relieved he was.

"I guess Chris is fine," he said, shrugging. "That's what everyone's been calling me, so I better stick with it."

"At least it's not a ridiculous name, like… Mowgli, or Humphrey or Twidledum or… you know, Darren," Darren winked at him and Chris laughed.

"Darren's a good name," Chris muttered, settling against his pillows as Darren pulled a chair closer to the bed. They were quiet for a little while. "So…" Chris cleared his throat. "Who are you, exactly?"

Darren smiled at him in that soft way that Chris had to admit he really liked. "I'm one of your best friends," he explained. "Ashley is actually your best friend in the whole world, so that's why she was so upset. I'm usually very proud of claiming second place."

"I'm sorry that I don't…" Chirs tilted his head to the side, awkwardly, "you know, remember you."

"It's not your fault," Darren assured him. "I'm just glad you're okay. The memories will come back once this whole trauma is over."

"What happened?" Chris asked, because he felt like he could really ask that question now that he was with someone who wasn't threatening an emotional collapse over him.

Darren shifted on his seat, visibly uncomfortable. It took him a little while to answer. "I don't know all the details, but apparently you were attacked last night after you went out to dinner with some friends. Some guy who was looking for money did it, according to what Ashley told me. I heard about it this morning, but she, uhm… she heard the whole thing as it happened. I think you were talking to her on the phone or something…"

"Oh," Chris blinked as he processed the information. "I shouldn't have kicked her out of here then, should I? I feel bad for being so rude…"

"You didn't realize that and she understands," Darren seemed like he wanted to reach for his hand, but he didn't want to freak Chris out, so he didn't. "We'll try our best not to make this worse for you, okay?"

Before Chris answered, a nurse entered the room. That made them both realized that doctor Malkin was still standing there, silently taking notes. Chris felt nervous. What was she writing so much about?

The nurse talked to the doctor in a low voice and she nodded before walking to the bed. "Sorry to interrupt, guys. Chris, we'd like to take a CT scan now so we can know better what we're dealing with here."

"Oh. Okay," he nodded, his expression darkening.

Darren stood up. He hesitated, but he ended up patting Chris gently on the shoulder. "I'll see you later, man."

Chris watched him go. He had been asking people to leave him alone for hours, but for the first time since he had woken up without a single idea of who he was, being alone was the last thing he wanted.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked this first chapter! Please review and let me know what you thought of it.**

**Next chapter will be up probably around the 13th/14th!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**L.-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys!**

**I hope you all had a wonderful weekend - I definitely did!**

**Thank you so much for the great reviews you've sent me for the first chapter. I appreciate all the feedback you can give me, and I'm very happy with the response I've got so far. Please keep it coming!**

**Once again, huge thanks to my beta, Wutif, for her awesome beta-skills.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

As soon as Darren was out of Chris' room, he leaned against a wall and dropped his head back onto it with a dull thump.

He took a deep breath. Chris didn't look that bad. He had a few bruises on his face, but nothing that would leave a permanent mark.

But seeing him so lost, so confused, so unsure? That was awful. Because of all the people Darren knew, there was no one who deserved to be safe and happy for the rest of his life more than Chris did. The poor guy had already had a rough time growing up. When was he going to get a break from all that shit?

The only thing that warmed his heart was the fact that he had been the only one Chris hadn't rejected. He hadn't freaked out around him or asked him to leave. And considering the big picture, Darren wanted to think of that as a little victory.

After taking some time to breathe deeply and calm down, Darren returned to the waiting room. Cory, Lea and Ashley were all there with Chris' parents. They were still looking upset and crying.

Darren closed his eyes. It felt like walking into a funeral.

"Darren! What happened?" Cory asked when he noticed him standing there.

"He's okay," Darren answered, taking a seat next to Tim. "He's a little shaken up by all of this, of course, but he's okay."

Lea stared at him unbelievingly. "I don't get it. How did you get him to not freak out on you?"

Darren bit his lip as he looked around the room. "No offense, guys, but I'd freak out, too, if a bunch of people I didn't recognize launched themselves at me and started bawling."

"I'm sorry about that," Ashley wiped her tears away, embarrassed. "I just... seeing him so helpless... it was too much."

"I know it was," Darren smiled at her sympathetically. "It was hard for me, too. But it's even harder for him. So let's just focus on what _he_ needs, okay?"

Everyone nodded quietly and, after a moment, Karyn leaned closer to Darren and cupped his face in her hand. "Thank you, Darren."

The next few hours passed in a blur of bad coffee and tense conversation. The doctor appeared after they had run a few tests and told Chris' parents the welcome news that there was no sign of any brain damage or swelling in Chris' scan.

"So what about his memory?" Tim asked, as he wrapped an arm around his wife's shaking shoulders.

"It's undoubtedly a result of the impact on his head. There's no reason to think it'll be permanent or even long term..." Doctor Malkin explained.

"Is there a way to fix it?" Karyn looked at her, hopeful.

"I'm afraid there isn't a medication or a treatment that would fix it," the doctor answered gently. "Chris could start remembering short chunks of his life in an hour, or get back all of his memories at once in a rush, or his past might always be vague. We can only wait and see."

It wasn't the positive report the Colfers had been expecting and it showed on their faces. Chris could get his memory back the next day, in a year... or never. What if it never came back? Why couldn't they help him somehow?

"We'll keep him for a couple more nights just in case, but he's physically fine and I don't see why he can't go home. He'll be more relaxed there than here and maybe the familiar surroundings will help jog his memory..."

Tim and Karyn asked a few more questions before doctor Malkin left to see another patient. Once they were alone again, Cory decided to take Lea home since she was still a bit emotional. Darren thought it was a good idea and offered Ashley a drive home as well, since she had been too upset to drive her own car the previous night and taken a cab to the hospital. He hadn't showered or eaten anything since the day before and there was no point in staying at the hospital when Chris needed to rest. He'd already had enough visitors for one day.

It was very quiet in the car. Ashley had stopped crying but she was still a bit shaken up with everything that had happened. When he stopped at a red light, Darren reached across the seat to take her hand.

"Hey, come on," he said gently. "He's fine; you saw him yourself..."

"He _isn't_ fine, Darren," Ashley shook her head sadly. "And I made it worse because I couldn't control myself and practically smothered the poor boy..."

"Okay, maybe _that_ wasn't the best idea, but it's alright. I told him you were emotional and he seemed to understand. Be more careful next time and he won't freak out."

"How do you know exactly what to do?" Ashley sighed, dropping her head back against the seat.

"I had no idea what I was doing," Darren admitted with a shrug. "I just did what felt right and hoped I didn't screw up."

Ashley leaned to kiss his cheek. "I'm glad that even though things are fucked up right now, he can still count on at least one of us."

Darren squeezed her hand in appreciation and turned his attention back to the road.

* * *

Chris stared down at the tray with food that had been placed next to him and frowned. The meat looked grey, the beans were pale and soggy, and the mashed potatoes looked watery. He took a bite and immediately pushed it aside. Why was it that hospital food always tasted disgusting?

He sighed and shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable. He was exhausted and couldn't seem to relax. It had been such a long, unpleasant day...

The door opened slowly, and he perked up, hoping it would be Darren. He had felt awkward around everyone else. That hazel eyed boy had been the only one to treat him normally instead of watching him with tears running down his cheeks, begging him to recognize him.

But it wasn't a head full of short, unruly curls that peeked into the room. It was that woman's head, the one who said she was his mother.

"Can I come in?"

Chris hesitated for a moment before nodding and Karyn walked in, leaving the door ajar. Chris was relieved to see she looked a lot calmer.

"How are you feeling?" She asked politely. Too politely. It was obvious she was trying to hide her anxiety.

Chris shrugged, unable to put into words how he was feeling right then.

Karyn noticed the untouched food. "Aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten anything all day..."

"It tastes awful," Chris answered honestly.

"You have to eat something..." Karyn said, worried.

"I'm sure breakfast will be a little better," he shrugged again. "I'm mostly tired. I'll eat tomorrow."

Karyn obviously wanted to protest, but she didn't. She reached for the tray and placed it on a table closer to the door for someone to take it away later. "Just let me know if you change your mind and I'll go get you something from the cafeteria." She moved to sit on the chair next to the bed. "Do you, uhm, do you want to watch some television or...?"

"Not really," Chris replied, picking at the edge of the white bed sheets.

"You can go to sleep, if you want. I'll stay close by in case you need anything..." She smiled softly at him.

Chris shifted on the bed, unsure. "You don't have to stay."

"Oh, darling, I don't mind..."

"I'd rather you didn't," Chris said and he hoped he hadn't been too brusque, although by the way her face fell, he had. "I'm just going to sleep, so..."

Karyn took a deep breath and tried to grab his hand, but he moved it away from her, wishing she would just leave him alone. "Christopher, I know you're scared. But you can trust me. I'm your mom. I just want to help you, to be here for you..."

"I..." What was he going to say to her? _I'm confused_?_ I'm terrified_?_ I can't just accept a random stranger as my mother_? Even though it was all true, he couldn't say it. He just couldn't. "I'm really tired."

Karyn's eyes started to fill with tears but she forced a smile on to her lips. "Of course. I'll see you in the morning, dear."

She rushed out of the room. Chris heard a choked sob just before the door closed behind her.

* * *

It was as if he was being drawn out of his dream very slowly. He head the sounds around him before he realized they weren't part of his imagination and then he woke up, but his eyes remained closed. Maybe it was a nurse, doing something in the room, or a doctor checking his chart...

Chris lazily opened one eye to see what was going on. It was still quite dark and the rest of the hospital seemed to be silent...

"Darren?" He mumbled, confused and sleepy, recognizing his silhouette.

Darren smiled at him from where he was standing close to the couch. "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you..."

"What are you doing here?" Chris asked. He sat up a little. "What time is it?"

"Around two in the morning..." Darren answered. "I couldn't sleep, so..."

Chris frowned. "So you decided to come to the hospital to visit your amnesiac friend in the middle of the night? Do you do this sort of thing often?"

Darren couldn't help but laugh. "Visiting my amnesiac friends is one of my favorite things to do, actually." He grabbed a paper bag that he had put down on the couch to take off his jacket and walked to the bed. "I talked to Karyn earlier and she said you wouldn't eat anything, so... I brought you a cheeseburger and some onion rings."

Chris' stomach growled in appreciation. He made grabby hands and practically snatched the bag from Darren. "You're amazing."

"Oh, I know," Darren rolled his eyes and smiled playfully. "There's a burger for me in there, too. Gimme."

"Which one is mine?" Chris asked, already chewing on an onion ring.

"The one wrapped with the yellow paper. The white one has mustard on it. You don't like mustard," Darren replied, taking the bag back from him.

Chris looked down at his burger as if he had never seen one like it. "I don't like mustard," he muttered.

"Uhm, no?" Darren hesitated.

"I don't even remember that I don't like a stupid condiment," Chris looked back at Darren miserably.

Darren bit his lip, regretfully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset..."

"It's fine," Chris cut him off.

Trying to light the mood a little, Darren stole an onion ring from him. "I can be your Remembrall, if you want."

Chris smiled absently. For a few minutes, they ate in companionable silence, sharing the onion rings and avoiding the other's gaze. Still, it was the most comfortable Chris had felt with anyone since he had woken up. Darren wasn't pushy or terribly emotional and that was all Chris wanted.

"Can I ask you something?" Chris asked when Darren was carelessly wiping his hands clean on his pants.

"Sure," Darren nodded, leaning back in his chair, paying total and undivided attention to Chris.

Chris was folding a paper napkin over and over again into a tiny triangle. "I... was wondering if you could tell me about my family. You seem to know me pretty well, so..."

"There's only one person that knows you better than I do and that's Ashley," Darren said, thoughtfully. "But I can totally answer this." He stopped for a moment as if he were trying to decide where to start. "Your parents are really amazing. Your grandmother and them are probably the only one's I've ever heard calling you Christopher. I don't know why I find that so endearing..." A smile slipped onto Darren's lips. "Your dad looks like this big, intimidating guy, but he's actually very kind and gentle. Your mom is one of the strongest women I've ever met and I really admire her for that. You and your sister are her whole world..."

"I... I have a sister?" Chris asked with wide eyes. "Is she older than me?"

"Younger," Darren smiled at him. "Hannah. She's one of the people you love the most in the whole world."

Chris swallowed. If he loved her so much, why didn't he remember her? "W-why haven't I seen her today?"

"She's at home with your grandma," Darren explained. "When your parents got the call that you were in the hospital, they weren't sure what they would find when they got here, so..."

There was another long pause in the conversation as Darren allowed Chris a couple of minutes to digest the new information. There were so many blanks to fill and he had no idea what was still missing. He could keep asking Darren about them, but maybe the other man didn't know everything. How was Chris going to do this? Knowing all of the things that he had done or that had happened to him wasn't the same as remembering them. Even if he asked Darren for a chronological report of his life, it wouldn't help. They would only be stories, anecdotes that had to do with a person that was no longer him, and that maybe would never be again.

And that was a terrifying thought.

Would he live the rest of his days as if he were nothing but a book with unwritten pages? Would he only ever know the end of his own story without ever understanding the first chapters?

It was too late to be so confused.

"Why don't we talk about simpler things?" Darren proposed gently. He had been watching him this whole time and saw Chris' eyes reflect how bewildered he was. Chris might have been a book with some pages missing, but Darren still knew how to read him.

Chris sighed and tilted his head against the pillow to look at him. "Is there anything simple about all this?"

"We can try to find something easier," Darren smiled. He curled up on the chair and got comfortable, facing Chris.

Chris wasn't sure when exactly he fell asleep, soothed by Darren's voice, if it while he was telling him about Brian the cat or about the kind of foods he hated, but when he finally closed his eyes completely, there was a little smile on his lips.

* * *

The next time Chris woke up, Darren was gone and the light coming in from the window told him it was morning. He could hear murmurs from the other side of the room and, when he turned to look at the couches, he found Karyn and Tim talking quietly with doctor Malkin.

Karyn glanced at the bed and smiled at him. "Oh, darling. You're awake."

"Hi," he said shyly, rubbing at his eyes. "What's going on?"

"We were just talking about your discharge," doctor Malkin said, walking towards the bed to take a look at him. "You'll be happy to know you get to go home tomorrow morning."

Chris frowned. He supposed being released from the hospital was good news, but considering he had no idea where home was or what the hell he was going to do with his life once he was out of here, he wan't exactly _happy_. He was mostly worried. "Oh," he muttered when he noticed the others were expecting him to say something. "Okay."

"Aren't you excited to get out of here?" Tim asked, coming closer to the bed. Chris shrunk back a bit. Despite Darren's words the previous night, Chris still felt intimidated by this man.

"Uhm. I guess," he answered, avoiding everyone's eyes. "I'm just... not really sure where I live or how to get there..."

Karyn smiled softly at him and brushed some hair off his forehead. It seemed like it was a natural thing for her to do, but Chris had to hold back from flinching away from her. "You have a house here in Los Angeles, but we're taking you home with us, to Clovis."

"Clovis?" Chris repeated. It didn't ring any bells, but for some reason he still didn't like the sound of it. "Why can't I stay here if I have my own house?"

"Because you live alone, dear," Karyn replied. "And doctor Malkin says it'd be better if you're not on your own, at least for the first few weeks. We thought about staying here with you, but it's not so easy. We have to go back. You have a sister that..."

"Hannah," Chris interrupted, but he regretted it when Karyn's hand immediately grabbed his, with eyes full of hope.

"You remember her? Christopher, you remember your sister?

Chris shook his head, carefully pulling his hand away. "No. Darren told me about her last night."

"Oh." Karyn deflated in disappointment. "Well. We still need to go home."

"I..." he looked at the doctor, almost pleadingly. "Why can't I stay in my own house? I've already lost my memory. What else could possibly happen to me?"

"You could experience some disorientation, especially if you decide to go out on your own. You may have some mood swings and depression, too. It won't be easy to go back to a life you can't remember and that may make you feel frustrated. If you start getting memories back..."

"If?" Chris cut her off, suddenly desolated.

"Chris, I don't see why you wouldn't get your memory back. You're young and healthy. But there's no guarantee I can give to you right now. There's no treatment for this." Doctor Malkin looked at him sadly. "Believe me, I'd do whatever I could if there was something to do..."

Chris felt a bitter sensation settling in his stomach, but he nodded anyway, showing his understanding.

"You'll be better off with your parents, Chris," she assured him.

"I..." he didn't dare look at Karyn or Tim. "I don't know them," he muttered, almost inaudibly.

He could feel Karyn tensing next to him. "Christopher, we're your parents. We want to help..."

He knew he had no say in what was going to happen to him and that made him feel even worse. He was going to live with people who knew everything about him, but that he didn't know at all.

He nodded again and then lay back down, curling in on himself on the bed and facing away from the other three people in the room.

He felt like he was going to be even more alone living with them than he would be living on his own.

* * *

Rapping his fingers against the door, Darren peeked into the room, smiling brightly. But his smile faded as soon as he saw the gloomy expression on Chris' face.

Chris was sitting on the bed, putting his sneakers on and only looked up briefly when he heard the knock.

"Good morning," Darren said.

"Hey," Chris answered softly.

"Sorry I couldn't come yesterday," Darren sat next to him on the edge of the bed. "I was stuck at work all day."

Chris simply nodded.

"But I wanted to come and see you before you left for Clovis," Darren continued, looking at him carefully. "I may be able to go up there and visit you in a few weeks..."

Chris nodded again, but his lower lip started trembling.

"Hey," Darren shifted closer and nudged him with his shoulder. "What's going on? Aren't you happy to get out of here?"

"I don't w-want to go with t-them," Chris whipered, doing his best to hold back the tears.

"Why not? I told you, they're awesome! Your mom's cooking is amazing and Hannah will be so happy to see you!" Darren tried his best to sound enthusiastic, but the defeat in Chris' eyes was killing him.

"I just..." Chris shrugged, clearly embarrassed. "I feel I don't belong there. And it's ridiculous, because I don't even remember ever being there before..."

Darren's stomach sunk at those words. He knew what Clovis meant for Chris. He knew how miserable that town had made him and how he had always preferred his family visited him in LA so he wouldn't have to go back to those painful memories. Now the memories were gone, but deep down inside of Chris, he still felt that rejection.

"And besides..." Chris wiped his tears away, almost furiously. "I know Karyn and Tim have good intentions, but... I don't feel comfortable with them. I feel as if they were watching me all the time, expecting me to be someone I'm not anymore..."

"They just want you to get better," Darren told him, smiling softly at him.

"But what if I _can't_ get better?" Chris turned to look at him, devastated. "What if I end up stuck like this?"

"You won't," Darren said without a second of hesitation.

"How do you know that?" Chris asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Because you've already been through a lot, and I really mean _a lot_, of crap in your life, and you've only kept getting stronger and better," Darren replied vehemently. "You're the kind of guy who can move mountains and part oceans and turn water into gold. That's how amazing and strong you are and, honestly, Chris, there isn't one single obstacle that life can put in your path that you can't beat."

Chris sniffed and dropped his head on Darren's shoulder, grateful for his support. Darren, a bit surprised, wrapped an arm around him.

"You're the only person that makes me feel like I can get better and that, even if I don't, I can still live my life," Chris murmured, his voice trembling almost as much as his body. "You're the only one who looks at me without waiting for me to suddenly remember everything and be who I was..."

"Don't say that," Darren rested his forehead on the top of Chris' head. "They're just concerned. This is hard for you, but also for them..."

"I just wish I had a choice..." Chris sighed in defeat.

Darren closed his eyes. Everything had been taken away from this boy. In one night, he had lost his identity, his memory, his family, his life. But it was a lot more than that. He wasn't allowed to make any decisions and he was being practically shangaied against his will, as if he were a toddler who had to follow his parents' every order, even if they didn't give him a reason why.

He had lost his hard-won independence. Was there anything else, at this point, left for Chris to lose?

His thoughts were interrupted by Tim and Karyn walking into the room. They were carrying a suitcase that they had probably gotten from Chris' house.

"Hello boys," Karyn said brightly, although it was a bit force. Her eyes were fixed on Chris' pale face and red eyes. "We're all ready to go."

"I'll walk you out," Darren muttered against Chris' hair, giving him a reassuring squeeze on his arm.

It was like walking a man to his death. Chris was dejected, looking down at the floor, miserable and silent. Darren tried to smile at him or say something funny, but with every step they took, even Darren was starting to feel worse and worse. Chris didn't _want_ this. He was already dealing with a lot. Why couldn't anyone listen to what _he_ wanted?

Darren stopped in his tracks right before they reached the glass doors that would take them outside to the real world and a sunny LA morning. "Wait, no. Wait a minute."

They turned around to look at him, frowning. Chris was the only one who remained completely unexpressive.

"Did we forget something?" Tim asked, looking around and patting his pockets.

"He doesn't want to go," Darren said, knowing he was probably overstepping and not giving a fuck about it.

"He knows this is the best for him," Tim answered severely, looking at Darren as if he couldn't understand why he was causing such a fuss.

"Clovis isn't going to fix anything," Darren was frustrated. Why couldn't anyone else see it? "Don't you get it? He's already depressed. If you take him there, that damn town is going to kill him!"

"He needs to be with his family," Karyn said. "And we can't stay here. We need to go back."

"He's standing right here," Darren pointed at Chris, causing the boy to shrink a bit. "Why don't you ask _him_ what _he_ wants?"

"He can't decide!" Tim exclaimed. "Darren, we know what's best for our son."

"With all due respect, Mr. Colfer, right now, I don't think you do," Darren said as politely as he could.

"I don't want to go," Chris murmured, softly. Everyone turned to look at him. "I... It's nothing against you two. You're my parents; I get that you care about me. But right now, you're strangers to me and you're not helping. Not like this..."

"Christopher, dear," Karyn took a few steps towards him. "You heard doctor Malkin. You can't live alone, at least for a little while..."

"He won't be alone," Darren spoke before he even realized his lips were moving. The other three looked at him and he took a deep breath. "If Chris wants, I can move in with him. I'll stay with him for as long as he needs me to be there."

Karyn smiled and shook her head. "Darren, that's lovely of you, but..."

"I want to stay with Darren," Chris blurted out, before anyone else could say another word. He moved towards him, almost crashing against Darren's side in his haste. "I want to stay with Darren."

"Chris..." Tim started, clearly not happy with the idea.

"Please," Chris begged brokenly. "Please let me stay here..."

"Christopher, we can't just leave you here..." it was Karyn's turn to look desolated.

"I'm asking you to," Chris replied with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

Karyn and Tim looked at each other for what it seemed a very long time, having the kind of silent conversation that only couples that had been together for years could have. Chris waited for their verdict, clutching Darren's arm, tensely.

Finally, Karyn's eyes fell to the floor as she tried to hold back the tears and Tim stepped towards them. He looked at Darren, seriously.

"Are you sure about this? Will you stay with him for as long as it's necessary?" He questioned.

Darren didn't need to think about it. "I will."

"Or call us if you want to go?"

"I don't think there'll be a need for that, but yes, I promise I'll call," Darren nodded solemnly.

Tim turned to face Chris. "Even if you don't want much to do with us, we'd appreciate it if you could call us and let us come visit you..."

"Of course," Chris answered immediately, in relief. He let go of Darren's arm.

"Then... I guess if you really want to stay here," Tim sighed, "you can."

It shocked them all when Chris practically launched himself at the man to hug him. "Thank you." He moved towards Karyn and hugged her, too. The woman looked about ready to start crying uncontrollably. "Thank you."

Tim put a hand on Darren's shoulder. "You take good care of my son."

"You don't have to worry about it," Darren assured him.

Chris let go of Karyn and turned to Darren, immediately melting into a hug against the other man's chest. Darren held him close and he couldn't help but shiver slightly when Chris' lips brushed his ear.

"Thanks, Darren," he whispered.

Darren smiled and tightened the embrace. "No need to thank me." He rubbed Chris' back comfortingly. "Come on, now. Let's go home."

Chris wasn't sure exactly where home was, but as Darren guided him to the car, he thought it wasn't a bad place to start searching for what he'd lost.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. Please review and let me know what you thought of it!**

**I start classes back again tomorrow, so the official updating day will be Sundays, just like last year. Whenever I get the chance to update early, I will, but please understand that I won't have time to just sit at the computer whenever I want and get the chapters up for you guys. I'm still giving you one chapter every week, I can promise you that. In fact, I spent most of my summer writing so I could have enough fics to give you weekly updates from now until November. OMS is 16 chapters long, and the next fic - a Klaine AU, already finished - is 21 chapters long. I didn't want to feel pressured while I had to study, so I wrote as much as I could during my summer break.**

**That said, I'll see you again next Sunday! Have a great week!**

**Thanks for reading,**

**L.-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everybody! Happy Sunday!**

**I hope you all had a wonderful week. I'm still on a high because we're getting two more seasons of Glee - and say whatever you want to say about the show, but it always makes me feel better when I watch it.**

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews you've been sending so far! I'm so happy you're enjoying OMS. Hopefully you'll like this chapter, as well.**

**Thumbs up for my amazing beta, Wutif.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

The two-story house was painted in a sun-faded shade of sky blue with a wide driveway in front of a double garage door. It wasn't located in a crowded neighborhood. In fact, Chris marveled at the hills and canyons surrounding the house and beyond the backyard. There was a big, fat owl perched on a nearby tree that flew away when they closed the car doors.

"I live here?" Chris asked, incredulous. It seemed such a big house for just one person. And according to what everyone had told him, he was only twenty two years old. How had he managed to afford to buy a place like this at that age?

"Yeah," Darren answered, fishing the key out of his pocket and carrying Chris' suitcase. "You bought it last year."

"What the hell do I do for a living?" Chris wondered aloud, glancing around as he stepped into the house. Darren shot him a grin as he unlocked the door.

He had imagined he lived in a tiny apartment, not in such a big, spacious house. It was tastefully decorated, mostly in white, blue and gray. The wooden floors were certainly gorgeous and the ceilings quite tall. There was a comfortable looking couch in the middle of the living room and two curved stairways: one that circled up to the second floor and another that went down to what Chris assumed was a basement. There was a large French door facing the canyon that took him to the deck where he could overlook the stunning, peaceful landscape around him.

Chris' mouth was hanging open. "I live here?" He asked again.

Darren laughed, standing beside him. "Yeah, you do."

There was a soft thud behind them and they turned around to find a fat, calico cat walking towards them, lazily. It meowed as it approached Chris, rubbing its head against his legs and then winding around him in a friendly greeting.

"That's Brian," Darren informed him. "I think he's missed you."

Chris leaned to pick up the cat, who happily agreed to be held, rumbling his approval. "Whoa, he's heavy."

"You tried putting him on a diet, but he managed to somehow break into the pantry and eat a box of crackers," Darren smiled at him and scratched the back of Brian's ears, who purred louder as he nuzzled closer to Chris' chest.

"I like him," Chris smiled. It was the first real smile Darren had seen on his face since he had woken up in the hospital. Chris looked up at him. "Why don't you give me a tour? I'm sure you know where everything is here."

Darren nudged him with his shoulder. "Ha. Of course I do. I even know where your little stash of porn is, in case you want it..."

Chris felt his cheeks heating up and he knew without a doubt that he was completely red, though apparently Darren and he were on familiar ground. He tried to hide his discomfort by walking back into the house and taking another look around the living room.

There were several pictures of his family around the room and he felt guilty when he saw their smiling faces staring back at him. He hadn't been sympathetic to his parents, but he had been so afraid... He wished he could remember them, but even as he looked at his sister's face (the person he was supposed to love the most), he felt nothing.

Ashley, Lea and the tall guy who had visited him in the hospital were in the photos hung all around, too, as well as others he hadn't met yet. There were a couple of pictures of he and Darren, too, scattered over shelves and tables. He looked at them attentively. Some seemed to be had taken at his house and there was one were Darren had his hair gelled against his skull and was wearing a ridiculous bowtie, sitting next to him on a red plastic chair. Chris thought he also looked a bit ridiculous, wearing a white pair of jeans that left nothing to the imagination and a sweater full of zippers. He really needed to go through his closet and get rid of some stuff...

He had a large collection of movies and books organized neatly on a bookcase. He moved closer to examine it when something caught his eye...

He picked it up. It was shiny, as if it was regularly polished...

"That's your Golden Globe," Darren said from behind him, answering the unspoken question he hadn't yet found the courage to ask. Chris turned to look at him with wide eyes. "You have lots more awards there, but that's the one you're most proud of, so far..."

"I..." Chris stared at the award, incredulous. "Who _am_ I?"

"You're a very brilliant actor on a television show," Darren explained, pulling a DVD case from a shelf. The cover was yellow. He recognized Lea, the tall guy and... Chris gasped when he saw his own face, even though he looked much younger. "I work there, too. That's how we met. That's how we _all_ met."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Chris mumbled under his breath, doubtfully.

"I'm not," Darren shrugged. "You've been doing this pretty much since you finished high school."

He was famous. He had won awards. He worked on a television show. His face was on DVD covers.

Darren saw him getting paler as he just stood there and blinked in stunned amazement. He grabbed the award from Chris' hands and placed it back on the shelf, and took his arm, just in case. "Why don't we sit down for a minute? We need to do this step by step. No need to overwhelm you with information or anything..."

Chris allowed him to guide him to the couch, where he dropped with Brian still in his arms. "How is this real? I can't help but wonder if I ever woke up or if I'm in some kind of coma, still in that hospital bed, and this is all some weird fever dream..."

"I'm afraid this is the real thing," Darren said, patting his knee. He watched Chris in silence for a moment. "Why don't we finish the tour later? I'll take you to your bedroom and you can take a nap. I need to take care of some stuff, too, so I'll do that while you rest."

Chris thought a nap sounded very good right then, even if he wasn't sure he would be able to sleep.

His bedroom was as nice as the rest of the house. The king size bed with the black covers and throw pillows was the main feature of the room, but there was also a desk opposite and a closet of considerable size. He had his own bathroom, but he didn't even go into it to check it out. He sat on the bed and stared at the light blue walls (was blue his favorite color? It was everywhere).

"Are you really going to stay here with me or were you just helping me out so Karyn and Tim would leave without me?" He asked, unable to hold the question back any longer.

Darren rolled his eyes affectionately. "I'm not going anywhere, silly."

Chris thought he should've felt frustrated. He should've felt annoyed by not being allowed to be on his own and take care of himself. But, instead, he smiled at Darren gratefully.

He was asleep not even five minutes later, with Brian cuddled against him and lulling him to sleep with his soft purrs.

* * *

"Wait. What do you mean you're moving out?"

Darren kept shoving things into a duffel bag without paying much attention. "It's just temporarily, Joey. I'll be back as soon as Chris is better."

Joey, Darren's best friend and roommate, looked at him with wide eyes. "But what if that takes years?"

Darren huffed. "Oh, come on. It's Chris we're talking about. He can do anything."

Joey had his doubts. Okay, the kid really was amazing, but he didn't think that talent, ambition and intelligence was enough to overcome amnesia. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah, man. It'd be awesome if you could throw all of my bathroom stuff in here," Darren handed him a plastic bag. "I'll grab a few more clothes and my guitar and I'll go back to Chris' place. He fell asleep and I don't want him to wake up and find the house empty, just in case."

Darren grabbed his laptop, his cellphone charger and the book he had been reading lately and then took all of it to the living room. Joey helped him put everything in the car so he wouldn't have to make more than one trip.

"I'd say I'll miss you, but you're actually never here anyway," Joey shrugged.

Laughing, Darren patted his friend's shoulder. "You know how to get hold of me. I'll be back before you notice I'm gone."

"You'd better," Joey closed the car door for him as Darren turned the engine on.

He had just packed up his life in less than ten minutes but he felt optimistic. He really believed Chris would recover in record time. Their lives would go back to the way they knew them before they even had time to adjust to the changes.

* * *

It took Chris a moment to remember where he was and why he was there. The bed was comfortable and the light coming from the window was slowly turning from sunlight to dusk. How long had he slept?

He stood up and stretched his arms over his head. He hadn't even realized how tired he was until his head hit the pillow. He hadn't slept very well at the hospital and the stress of this new life was probably getting to him.

The house was too silent and Chris had a moment of panic as he wondered if Darren had bailed on him. What if he had just told his parents he would stay so they wouldn't drag him away to Clovis? What if he changed his mind and he was alone now? Chris knew he was a growup and that he could survive on his own just fine… but that didn't mean he wanted to be alone.

That didn't mean he wasn't terrified of all the things he didn't know.

He left the bedroom and went down the stairs, feeling his mouth dry and his heart beating a little harder than normal. He tried to convince himself that even if Darren had left, he would be able to deal with everything. Even if he felt lost and confused, he could do it…

The relief that washed over him when he realized Darren was in the kitchen was incredible. Chris leaned against the doorway and allowed himself to breathe and calm down, as he watched him quietly.

Darren was working at the stove. He had obviously taken a shower because his curls were slightly damp. He had loose sweatpants on that hung low on his hips and an old, soft-looking white cotton t-shirt. He was barefoot and humming to himself.

Brian, who had apparently abandoned Chris at some point during their nap, was sitting close to Darren's feet, staring at him expectantly, probably waiting for him to accidentally something he could eat.

After a few seconds in which his fears subsided, Chris decided to make his presence known. "Hey."

Darren spun around, smiling brightly at him. "Hey, you! I was about to go wake you."

"I slept for quite a while, didn't I?" Chris asked as he walked farther into the kitchen.

"You needed it," Darren shrugged, turning back to the stove.

"Did you get bored?" Chris sat on a stool at the breakfast bar.

"Not really. I had a lot to do," Darren was stirring something into a sauce pan. "I went to my apartment and picked up a few things. I took over the guest room down the hall from your room. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't," Chris said immediately. He didn't even know there was a guest room.

"I also made a few calls. Your parents included," Darren pointed at him with the wooden spoon he was using. "They promised they would call don't have to talk to them if you don't want to yet, but I think they'd like that."

"I will," Chris promised, nodding thoughtfully. They had made a big concession letting him stay here with Darren. It was the least he could do.

"When I was done, I realized we haven't eaten anything since breakfast," Darren said. "So I thought we could have an early dinner, if that's okay with you."

Chris hadn't realized how hungry he was until then. "That's more than okay." He looked around the kitchen. "Can I… uhm, can I help with anything?"

"You can set the table, if you want," Darren nodded towards a cupboard. "Plates are up there, forks and knives in the first drawer here."

Chris looked at him as he stood up again. "You really do know you way around here."

"I come over a lot," Darren answered. He grabbed a box of pasta and threw the content into a pot with boiling water. "You're a bit of a work-a-holic, so if I want to see you, I have to come invade your place."

"You make me sound like I'm not much fun," Chris cringed a little. Had he enjoyed his previous life to the fullest?

"Oh, you're plenty of fun," Darren assured him breezily. "You're just a really busy guy. You always have too many projects going at the same time."

Chris was about to ask about those projects, but he decided against it. He had already found out a lot about himself that day and he wasn't sure he was ready to absorb any more. Instead, he changed the subject. "So… uhm. You live in an apartment in town? By yourself?"

"No, I have a roommate," Darren replied, nonchalantly, as if he hadn't noticed the change of sbuject. "His name's Joey. He's one of my best friends from college."

"Is he okay with you moving in with me for a while?" Chris quirked an eyebrow, concerned. He didn't want to get Darren into any kind of trouble.

Darren snorted. "Yeah, man. Don't worry about it. I barely sleep at that place anyway…" He stirred the pasta. "I spend most of my time at work, travelling or here."

Chris didn't know why a warm sensation spread through him simply because his house was one of Darren's top three places. Maybe it made him feel like he wasn't forcing Darren to stay there with him just because he had to. Maybe Darren was there because he really liked being there…

They kept the conversation easy while they ate. Nothing that could make Chris uncomfortable was mentioned, for which he was grateful. Darren was also a wonderful cook ("it's just spaghetti", he said, rolling his eyes when Chris almost moaned in pleasure) but the best part was that he managed to keep Chris distracted without saying anything that would make him feel awkward.

They washed the dishes together, even though Chris tried to get him out of the kitchen ("you already made dinner", he protested, and Darren rolled his eyes before pushing him over playfully with his hip to make room at the sink so they could work together washing and drying). It was reassuring, the way Darren always kept a smile on his face because it made Chris feel like there was nothing wrong with him.

When Chris was done washing and Darren still had a couple of things to dry, he told him to pick out a movie to watch later, so Chris went to the living room and scanned the shelves with DVDs until he found one he thought he would like. He had probably already seen it, but Darren made no comment, no _oh! you love that movie_, no _you're not gonna like it because you didn't even liked it the first time_. He simply took his seat on the couch and waited for Chris to pop the disc into the DVD player.

It was a superhero movie. Chris smiled when he realized he hadn't forgotten things like who Batman was. He wondered if he had only forgotten about the things that were linked to him, that were personal. It sounded a little depressing, knowing he'd lost everything he was and everything he'd accomplished, but it was good to know he wasn't a completely blank page and not everything had been erased.

Brian jumped onto the couch half an hour into the movie and draped himself over Chris' lap. Chris sighed contently, and scratched behind his ears. He really liked the cat. And Brian wasn't the only one who looked sleepy.

Darren made himself comfortable halfway through the movie, lying on his side and staring at the screen with drowsy eyes, which were slowly starting to close. Chris didn't realize he was out like a light until he turned to him to make a comment and saw him sleeping. He had his head resting on his curled arm and his other hand against his cheek with one finger almost touching his eyelid. It looked adorable and Chris felt bad for him. He had been running around making sure Chris would be comfortable while Chris slept for God knows how many hours. It wasn't fair to Darren to have to deal with everything.

So Chris let him sleep. He could at least finish watching the movie on his own.

* * *

Darren wasn't sure what woke him up. Maybe it was the strange glow that kept sneaking through his eyelids or the softest noise that reached his ears. Had he fallen asleep while watching TV? But… how? He didn't have a television in his room and he wasn't…

_Oh_. Right.

Darren opened his eyes to see Chris' living room almost completely dark. He was on the couch (about to fall off it, actually) and yes, the television was on, the screen providing the only source of light in the room.

And in front of it, sitting on the floor with his knees up to his chest and his back resting against the coffee table, was Chris.

Darren blinked in confusion. He thought he'd heard a sob. And then he saw what was playing on the TV.

It was the pilot episode of Glee. A very,very young Chris was delivering one of his lines perfectly, as effortlessly as usual. But there was something different this time. Because the guy sitting in front of the screen, watching himself, wasn't mocking his vestiges of baby fat or the way his thick brown hair looked like a helmet…

The guy sitting in front of the screen didn't recognize himself in that image.

Darren stood up silently. He didn't know what to do. Was he supposed to leave Chris alone? Give him space?

No, he couldn't just walk away. He couldn't.

Chris startled when he felt a hand settling on his shoulder, although the touch was barely there, just a gentle brush of fingers letting him know he wasn't alone.

Or was he?

Darren was on the floor behind him in a second, with his legs spread on either side of Chris and pulling him against his chest. Before allowing himself to collapse against him, Chris wondered if this was something they did, if Darren always comforted him like this, if he needed comfort often…

"Hey, come on," Darren whispered into his hair, where he pressed a sweet kiss. He reached for the remote and turned the DVD off. "Ssh, it's okay, Chris."

The force of his sobs made Chris' whole body shake uncontrollably. He tried to hold them in, but that only made them worse. Darren kept making soothing noises, though nothing seemed to be working.

"W-what if I never remember?" Chris asked at last, his face streaked with tear tracks. "W-what if I stay like this forever? W-what if I have to live this life that doesn't feel like mine for the rest of my days?"

Darren swallowed thickly. He didn't want to lie to Chris. He didn't want to promise things he wasn't sure would come true. But he couldn't help it. Seeing Chris as heartbroken as he was right then made him want to promise the world to him, to guarantee that his memory would be back, that he would live for a thousand years and that he would be happy every single one of them. Even if he had to die fighting for him to have it, he would. He so would.

"Chris… your memories will come back," he muttered, stroking his hair slowly. "They will. And everything will go back to normal and you'll punch me in the face for invading your house and you'll start working like a maniac to catch up with everything and I'll have to crash your house again to see you for five minutes."

Chris shook his head slightly. It was obvious he didn't believe (or he couldn't believe) what Darren was saying.

And Darren knew it was too soon to pressure him to believe in the possibility of getting back a reality he didn't know anything about. There was no point in stressing Chris out and try to push him back into the life he used to have when he was a stranger in it. He needed to start this new life… and if snippets of the old one started coming back to him, then all the better.

If not… well. They would cross that bridge when they had to.

Neither could say how long they stayed there on the floor, simply rocking back and forth and waiting, as if the solutions would just fall onto their laps. They both were aware that this could take a while, a very long while, an endless while, but they still waited.

It was the only thing left to do.

* * *

The next few days were bad. There was no other way to put it. Chris refused to get out of bed. He barely ate. He stayed in his room, with the lights off.

Darren was desperate. The food he left on the nighstand would remain untouched. Every time he tried talking to him, only silence would great his words. He couldn't coax him out of bed to shower or take a walk or even move downstairs for a while.

He was doing everything wrong. He had promised he would keep Chris safe and instead he was watching him disappear. The last few vestiges of what Chris used to be were vanishing and the only thing they were leaving behind was an empty shell.

* * *

Sleeping was his only comfort. Chris couldn't understand how he was still tired when he'd slept for days, but he was. He really was. Consdering how blank his brain was, it was surprising the amount of thoughts that were bombarding him. It was a constant attack, threats of what his future could be holding for him.

He was nothing. He felt like a shadow that had stayed after the person left.

Getting out of bed wasn't easy. His muscles were stiff and he felt weak from the lack of food. But his bladder was adding even more discomfort, so he pushed the blankets away and stood up, wobbling a little before he held the wall and started moving towards the bathroom.

He was dragging himself back to bed when he heard it. If it wasn't the middle of the night he probably wouldn't have noticed it, but now, when the whole world was asleep, it seemed to echo against the walls.

"I don't know what to do, Ash."

Chris blinked. He could recognize Darren's voice everywhere, but it took a moment for him to realize it was actually him. He sounded hoarse, exhausted. Chris peeked through his bedroom door. The hallway was dark, but he could see a line of light escaping from under Darren's bedroom door.

"I've screwed up so bad... I promised his parents I would take care of him and... and I'm not doing that," Darren was saying. "It's killing me to see him like this, but I don't know what to do anymore. I can't just force him out of bed, out of his room. I can't shove food into his mouth, I..." he paused, as if he were listening to the response in the other side. "Yeah, I already tried that. Didn't work."

Chris stopped next to the door and leaned against the wall.

"I just..." oh, whoa, was Darren crying? Those were definitely sniffles. "I don't even _care _if he doesn't get his memory back at this point. I just want him to _live_ and what he's doing..." Darren sniffled again. "Ash, he's so depressed. What if we lose him? We can't lose him. I can't lose him."

Chris swallowed. One of the many things he had forgotten was that even though he didn't recognize any of the people claiming to be friends with him, or members of his family, those people still knew and loved him. They were in pain, too. And he was the one hurting them.

He was hurting Darren. The only person he felt comfortable around, the only person who had put everything aside to help him... and he was hurting him.

"No, I don't know what I'll do. He has a doctor's appointment next week and I'm not even sure if he'll get out of bed so I can take him..."

The pain and desolation in Darren's voice were like a stab to the heart. Chris closed his eyes and tried to keep breathing.

"Yeah. Yeah," Darren was mumbling now, clearly not believing something Ashley was saying. "Of course. Not my fault. Sure."

Chris' chest tightened. Did Darren really feel guilty for the way Chris was behaving?

"I'm sorry for calling so late, Ash. I just needed to talk to somebody," Darren said. "Thanks. I know. Love you, too."

Then, there was silence. Chris waited for the light to go off inside of the room, but it didn't. Darren wasn't going to sleep.

Before he could change his mind, Chris opened the door slowly. Darren was on his bed, sheets covering him up to his waist, wearing a ratty white cotton t-shirt and staring at the ceiling as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. His hair was messy and there were dark shadows under his eyes. He really looked exhausted.

And then he sighed and looked down and almost jumped out of the bed, startled.

"Chris!"

"Hi," Chris whispered timidly, not looking him in the eyes.

"I... w-what's wrong... are you okay? Are you not feeling well?" Darren sat up and looked at him with concern filling his eyes.

"I'm fine," Chris shrugged, slipping into the room. "I..."

"Anything," Darren said eagerly and the worry reflecting on his face made Chris' heart ache. "Anything, Chris. What do you need?"

Chris closed his eyes. _For Darren_, he thought. "I'm... a little hungry?"

The sheer happiness that appeared on Darren's face only made him feel worse. "Of course! Yes! I'll get you something to eat right now!"

He bounced out of bed. He only had tight blue boxer briefs on besides his t-shirt. He grabbed Chris' hand and started guiding him downstairs, turning the lights on as they went, as if he was bringing the house back to life.

Chris sat on a stool at the breakfast table and Darren immediately opened the fridge and stuck his head inside, searching for something to eat.

"I ordered pizza tonight! Would you like some?" He asked, as he grabbed the box.

Chris nodded. He didn't really want to eat, but he needed to do something for Darren's sake.

Darren grabbed a can of Diet Coke, too, and poured it into a glass while two slices of pizza were in the microwave. He practically pranced towards Chris with the glass and the plate.

Chris felt like shit, food the last thing he wanted.

He forced himself to nibble one of the slices slowly, very slowly. He took such little bites that he could barely feel the food going down his throat.

Suddenly, Darren's hand was on his, their fingers intertwining easily. Chris looked up at him to find a sad little smile on his lips.

"I know why you're doing this," Darren muttered. "I'm sorry that you had to listen to what I said to Ashley on the phone..."

Chris tried to smile, but didn't quite make it. "You don't have to be sorry about anything. I'm the one who's sorry..."

"Chris, no..."

"You're looking after me even though you don't have to. You're doing so much for me and I'm being a self-pitying idiot that..."

"Chris, you're not self-pitying and you're not an idiot," Darren cut him off gently. "You're just going through something hard. I get it. I just want to help..."

"I'll let you help," Chris said, squeezing his hand. "I'll let you help, Darren. I promise."

Darren's smile turned a little brighter. "That's all I want."

Chris took a bigger bite.

* * *

Things got a little easier. Chris still spent a lot of time on his own, lost in thought, and it was unusual to find a smile on his face. But he wasn't in bed all the time anymore. Instead, he would sit outside and look at the trees and the clouds, as he sat with his knees pulled up to his chest. But he always would walk back inside when Darren called saying lunch was ready or he would accept a cup of tea or coffee when Darren offered it to him.

Darren would sit next to him, sometimes, with a cup of his own. Most of those times, they didn't talk, but it was nice having someone close, knowing someone was there.

On the good days, when things didn't seem as bad as they could be, Chris would give Darren a smile as he slid on the seat next to his. Darren would smile back as widely as he could and they would talk about how nice the weather was or about maybe watching a movie later.

On the bad days, when Chris was buried deep in his dark thoughts, they didn't say a single word. They didn't smile. After sitting together in silence for a long time, Chris would sigh in defeat and drop his head onto Darren's shoulder. Darren always wrapped his arm around him as soon as it happened, knowing he needed some comfort.

Chris hated the bad days, but the warm press of Darren's fingers into his shoulder as he held him sometimes made them worth it.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! Please review to let me know what you think of this chapter :)**

**Have a wonderful week, and I'll see you again on Sunday x**

**L.-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again!**

**I'm back with chapter 4! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews so far! I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying this :)**

**Once again, huge THANK YOU to my beta for always being so amazing.**

**I own nothing.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It was a Sunday morning when Darren put down his cup of coffee and looked at Chris, who was sitting listlessly across from him at the kitchen table.

"We need to get out of here for a while," he announced.

Chris arched an eyebrow. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care, man, but we can't stay inside this house forever," Darren answered, already standing up to take his dishes to the sink. "We're going to go nuts if we don't do something."

Chris sighed. "That actually sounds like a good idea. I feel a little trapped here."

Darren smiled. "Okay. Great. Well, we're running out of groceries, so we should probably go shopping, but we can also stop somewhere else, grab a bite, whatever you want."

Chris shrugged as he stood up to take his own stuff to the sink, too. "I don't really care where we go. I just don't want to be here for a while."

They got dressed and were out in Darren's car in less than half an hour. Chris rolled his window down and let the wind blow in as Darren drove. It was a sunny day and they were both wearing sunglasses (Darren was praying not to be recognized. That was the last thing Chris needed right now).

The change in Chris was almost immediate. He was smiling, just staring at the city passing them by them in fascination. Keeping him sheltered away from everything wasn't going to help him recover. Darren, and everyone else worrying about him, needed to let him live. Even if they were scared of the consequences.

"Do I know how to drive?" Chris asked curiously as they were waiting at a red light.

"Yeah. You have one hell of a BMW," Darren answered, as he changed radio stations looking for something he knew they both liked, even if Chris wouldn't recognize the song.

"Really?" Chris' eyes went a little wide. "Huh. Maybe I should take some driving lessons or something…"

"I can totally give you driving lessons, dude," Darren rolled his eyes at him. "It'll give us another excuse to get out of the house. What do you say?"

His offer was welcomed with a genuine smile, his blue eyes shining with enthusiasm. "I'd love that."

"Awesome," Darren nodded as if they were sealing a deal. It was good to give Chris something to look forward to, even if it was something silly. It would keep his mind occupied on something besides his problems.

The supermarket was deserted for a Sunday, though Darren supposed it was still early and people preferred to enjoy the last day of the weekend before having to worry about mundane things like food, and cleaning supplies. Darren had to admit he was grateful for the lack of shoppers: it meant the possibilitiy of being recognized was a little less likely.

Chris looked around curiously. After seeing nothing but the hospital and his house for days, even this place was intriguing. Darren watched as he walked a few steps ahead of him, stopping to look at a box of cereal with bright colors. It was like watching a kid rediscovering the world. It made Darren smile and ache at the same time.

"Anything in particular you'd like to get?" Darren asked as he pushed the shopping cart.

Chris blinked. He took another look around. "Uhm. I don't know. Ice cream?"

"Good idea," Darren said. He went towards the ice cream section and stared at the different cartons and tubs of ice cream. "Which flavor do you want?"

Chris' eyes looked lost again. Such a simple question, and he didn't have an answer. Which ice cream flavor did he like?

Darren realized his mistake a second too late. He immediately left the cart and took the couple of steps separating him from Chris. He wrapped his arms around his waist and tugged him closer. Chris reacted to his touch immediately, fisting the back of Darren's t-shirt tightly, latching onto him as if he needed an anchor.

"Sh, I'm sorry," Darren whispered in his ear. "So sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"Not even the little things," Chris muttered, sounding a bit choked, talking more to himself than to Darren. "Not even the little things…"

"They'll come back," Darren answered, as reassuring as he could. "They'll all come back. You'll see."

"Don't make promises," Chris pleaded brokenly. "I don't need empty promises."

Darren nodded, not knowing what else to do. He kissed Chris' temple and rubbed his back soothingly. "Do you want to leave? We can leave right now."

Chris pulled away slowly. He shook his head and brushed off the tears running down his face. "We came all the way here and the fridge is nearly empty. What's the point in leaving?"

"Right," Darren took a steadying breath. He glanced at the ice cream uncertainly.

"Just grab whatever I used to like," Chris shrugged and walked away, pretending to go check out another aisle, but Darren knew him too well. Even if this was a new Chris, he still knew he wanted some space to get himself back together.

Darren grabbed a tub of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Brownie and another of Strawberry Cheesecake. Those were the flavors they always ate when they had movie marathons. They would always open both tubs and grab two spoons, taking turns with each flavor as their eyes never left the screen…

Darren hadn't realized how much he missed his friend until then.

Yes, Chris was still here. He was the same person, a little broken, a little scared… but deep down inside, he was the same guy.

Darren needed him to be.

* * *

Darren did everything he could to cheer Chris up once they left the supermarket, but it was futile: Chris was once again lost in his brooding thoughts. As soon as they got back to the house, he went out to the deck, where he seemed to spend most of his time lately. His blue eyes scanned the sky, the hills around them, the birds… but weren't really seeing any of it. What he was looking for wasn't to be found out there either.

Darren's heart broke a little more. Everytime he tried to help, he seemed to screw everything up even more.

* * *

It was a few nights later when Darren sighed as he finished making dinner and Chris walked into the kitchen to hear him just in time.

"Something's wrong?" He asked warily.

Darren looked over his shoulder before going back to cutting carrots. "Nah, it's fine. I just got a call from work and they want to complicate my life."

Chris frowned as he grabbed another cutting board and started chopping onions next to him. "What happened?"

"Nothing, really," Darren said evasively, but when Chris narrowed his eyes menacingly at him, he sighed again. "They want me to film a couple of scenes to explain the absence of both of our characters and they just don't seem to understand that I can't just drop…"

"Darren," Chris sounded exagerated. "You can't put your life on pause to look after me. I'm not a toddler. I can be alone for a while, okay? I'm not going to die, without here to keep an eye on me."

Darren winced at those words but let them slide. "I know, Chris. I really do. But the schedule they gave me won't work for us. You have your doctor appointment tomorrow and we can't skip that…"

"I'll go alone," Chris replied and this time it was Darren who fixed him with something that resembled a glare. He rolled his eyes, conceding Darren's point. "I can call a cab and go to my appointment alone. Darren, come on."

"No," Darren's voice was firm. He had made a promise (to Chris' parents, and to himself) that he would look after Chris. And leaving him to fend for himself in the city was out of the question. Especially since it was the first doctor's appointment after the accident and Darren wasn't sure the doctor might say to Chris.

"Okay, then… what do you propose we do?" Chris was now chopping the onion viciously and Darren felt the urge to take the knife away from him before he sliced his finger off. "Are you going to lose your job? Are you going to have a career as a full time babysitter?"

"Chris, I'm not your babysitter," Darren said tiredly. "You _know_ what the doctor said…"

"That I can't be alone, that I could get lost, I know," Chris put the knife down. "So, what? I won't ever be able to go out alone? Get a job? Do _anything_ without somebody there to lead me around?"

"Just until you get your memory back," Darren tried for nonchalance and failed epically. Chris really did glare daggers at him now. "Chris…"

"What about Ashley?" Chris cut him off. His voice wavered a little, but he knew he had to try and do this. He needed to let Darren live his life. Chris didn't want him to put his entire life on hold just to look after him. He couldn't be that person.

"Ashley?" Darren repeated, tilting his head to the side appraisingly.

"Yeah… do you think maybe she… she could drive me to my doctor's appointment while you're working?" Chris also tried for nonchalance.

"You want Ashley to take you?" Darren repeated, a little surprised.

"Well, what I really want is to have something closer to a normal life," Chris replied and the edge of sarcasm in his words reminded Darren so much of the Chris he'd known so well that he almost started crying right there in the middle of the kitchen. "But since I can't have that… maybe I should start figuring out what I can do. And let some other people who knew me and loved me help me too, so it's not all on your shoulders."

"You know I'm here because I want to, but that's actually a good idea," Darren admitted. "And I know Ashley would love to do that. She texts me everyday asking about you…"

Chris sighed in defeat and leaned back against the counter, wrapping his arms around himself. "I just want to feel… _normal_."

Darren took a step towards him, looking at him with a serious expression on his face. "Chris, you _are_ normal."

"I don't feel like it," Chris avoided looking at him in the eyes. "I feel like I have some sort of weird disease. I feel like… I feel like a ghost. I just wander around without a purpose, without knowing who I was when I was alive…"

Darren clenched his jaw as tightly as he could to keep the tears at bay. "I wish you didn't feel like that…"

He couldn't fool Chris so easily. Chris noticed how bright his hazel eyes had gotten and he smiled sadly, wrapping his fingers around Darren's wrist and tugging him closer until the two friends were melting into a tight embrace. Chris dropped his head on Darren's shoulder and sighed. "Don't cry, Dare…"

He didn't expect Darren to suddenly go tense in his arms. Frowning, Chris pulled away just far enough to look at his face. Darren's eyes were wide and his lips were parted in a silent gasp.

"What?"

"You called me Dare," Darren said, as he gripped Chris' arms. "You called me Dare…"

"Yeah?" Chris nodded, without understanding. "What's so weird about it?"

"You… you're the only one who calls me Dare," Darren was definitely having a hard time trying not to cry now. "Chris, no one calls me Dare. Only you. Just you."

"I…" Chris was still confused, studying the man he still kept in his arms carefully.

Darren's smile became joyful, though still watery. "There's no way you just _knew_ that. You remembered it, Chris. You remembered it…"

Chris found himself being pulled against Darren's chest. He once again hid his face in Darren's shoulder and bit his lip.

He didn't have the heart to tell Darren that he had no idea where that name had come from.

* * *

As soon as the bell rang the next day, Darren pulled the door open and ushered Ashley inside.

"Come in, come in," he said in a hurry, walking back into the kitchen with the girl trailing behind him. "He's gone to get dressed. We just finished having breakfast."

"Is he sure about this?" Ashley asked, a little nervously. She fixed Darren with an anxious glance. "What if he freaks out on me again? What if he tells me to get lost and leave him alone?"

"Don't you dare leave him alone," Darren answered as he put the dirty dishes in the sink. "Just treat him normally. Try not to talk too much about you and him in the past. If he asks you something, then that's fine, otherwise just act as if this is the first time you two talk…"

"That's going to be hard," Ashley dropped down on a stool. "He knows me better than my own mother."

Darren stopped halfway to the fridge, the pitcher of orange juice in his hands, and sighed. "Not anymore, Ash."

Ashley pretended that didn't send a pang straight to her heart.

"I'm going to keep my cellphone on me at all times," Darren advised her, as he moved frenetically around the kitchen. "As soon as you're out of the doctor's office, give me a call. If something happens, call me. If he wants to come home, call me. If he needs me…"

"Call him," a voice said from the doorway and both Darren and Ashley turned around to find Chris leaning against the wall. He was wearing jeans and blue plaid shirt, and he looked so much like the Chris they remembered that they both felt a twinge of sadness. "Hi," he said, smiling hesitantly at Ashley.

"Hi, Chris," she said softly. Darren nudged her with his elbow when he thought she might burst into tears.

"I'm ready to go whenever you guys are," Chris muttered and Darren could tell how much of an effort he was making to remain calm right now.

Darren walked to him and put a hand on his arm. "There's nothing to worry about, okay? This is just a follow up. It'll be quick and then you can come home, if you want."

"Yeah," Chris nodded, but he was biting his lower lip. "You're the one who should stop worrying, though. I could hear you freaking out from my room."

Darren rolled his eyes. "I can't help it, sorry."

Chris shrugged. "It'll be good for you to get out of the house and away from your nanny duties for a day."

"Shush, Colfer," Darren nudged him playfully.

"We should go. We don't want to be late," Ashley said, as she checked the hour on her cellphone. "Traffic is going to be crazy at this time of day."

"Yeah, she's right," Chris slipped his hand into Darren's and gave it a squeeze. "I'll be fine, okay?"

"I know you will be," Darren muttered and squeezed back.

"Bye, Dare," Chris whispered and saw the smile brighten his face and his hazel eyes, as it did every time he called him that.

"Be nice to Ashley," Darren called as Chris and Ashley slipped out the front door.

They had just gotten into the car when Ashley pretended to sigh in relief.

"Whoa, that boy really needs to cut the cord!" She exclaimed as she turned the engine on.

Chris chuckled and, just like that, the ice was broken.

* * *

Darren had hardly arrived on the set when he found his arms full of Lea.

"Darren!" She said, clinging to him desperately. "How are you? Oh my god, I've missed you. How's Chris? I can't believe it's been _days_ since I last saw him…"

Darren smiled into her hair and then waved at the others that were approaching them now. Only Chord, Cory and Jenna were there for this scene.

"Hey, man!"

"Nice to see you!"

"Hi, Darren!"

Lea finally let go of him to be encircled by her boyfriend's arms instead. But they were all still staring expectantly at him, hoping for good news. Darren sighed.

"Well… Chris is fine, physically," he shrugged. He wished he had better news to share. "He's with Ashley now. She's taking him to see the doctor for a follow up."

"Has he remembered anything?" Jenna asked, a little anxiously.

Darren's grin could've been seen in the dark. "He called me Dare."

* * *

"Have you remembered anything? Even something you think might be insignificant?"

Chris looked at the doctor as she scribbled notes regarding everything she had asked him. He swallowed bitterly. "No. Nothing."

* * *

The sun was high in the sky by the time Chris followed Ashley out of the hospital. The light blinded him for a moment so he put his sunglasses on. It wasn't only to avoid the sunshine, but also to avoid Ashley's piercing eyes. She had been quietly watching him since they had walked out of doctor Malkin's office.

There hadn't been bad news, but there hadn't been good news either. Doctor Malkin had told Chris that she thought it would be good for him to start looking for something to do with himself. Regardless of his lost memories, he needed to do something with the life he had been granted. She still didn't want him to be alone for long periods of time, at least for a few more weeks, but she considerd it would benefit him if he kept himself busy. She also thought a therapist could help him adjust to his new circumstances, but Chris had brushed that off. What was he going to tell a therapist? He had nothing but a blank past. There was nothing there to fix because _there was nothing there_.

She hadn't given him much hope, but she hadn't shut down any possibilities either. He was physically okay, so there was no reason for his memory not to come back. If it had been a result of trauma from the accident, then it should be coming back soon… and it should've already begun. He knew that even if she didn't say it. Chris was sure she had no idea what was wrong with his head at this point.

Ashley shook him out of his daze by linking their arms together. "Doing okay there, Colfer?"

It took Chris a couple of seconds to realize that gesture was probably customary between them. Ashley seemed to hesitate when she realized he was uncomfortable with her touching him, but Chris tightened his arm around hers. There was no point in running away. The least he could do was to try to rebuild whatever he still had left from his old life. And Ashley definitely wasn't someone he didn't want to have around.

"I guess, yes," he answered with a sigh.

"I can take you back home now, if you want," she offered softly. "Or we could grab a bite somewhere."

The idea of going back to his house sounded appealing. He wanted to curl up under some blankets and disappear from the world for a little while…

But how was that going to help him get better?

"I'm a bit hungry," he said instead, making an effort to play along.

Ashley's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

* * *

Darren was in the middle of a scene when he felt his cellphone buzzing in his pocket. Without giving a shit about fucking up the whole scene and having to start over, he stopped halfway through his line, looked down, pulled his phone of his pocket and answered it, ignoring the murmurs of impatience from the people behind the cameras.

"Ashley?" He said anxiously, walking away to have some privacy.

"No, it's Chris," Chris answered calmly. "I figured you'd stop freaking out if I called myself…"

"How did it go?" Darren asked, biting his lip in expectation.

Chris sighed on the other end. "Fine, I suppose. Nothing's really changed…"

"Have you told her that you remembered what you call me?" Darren exclaimed. "It has to mean something…"

"Dare…" Chris hesitated.

"Have you? I'm sure it's important!"

"Darren…"

"It's such a big thing to…"

"Darren!" Chris exclaimed, a little louder to be heard over the other man's incessant babbling. "I don't remember it, okay? I don't! I just said it out of nowhere! It was a coincidence!"

Darren blinked. He felt a few tears rolling down his cheeks, but he wiped them away stubbornly. "Don't be like that. It was something…"

"It was nothing," Chris cut him off. "It wasn't a memory. It was just something I said. Nothing else."

Darren shook his head. "Chris…"

"Look, I'll tell you everything when I see you later, okay? Ashley and I are going to have lunch together and you have to go back to work. I just wanted to let you know that everything's alri-… that we're done at the doctor's office," Chris' voice was a little dark, a little strained as if every word was a huge effort for him to say. "Just… don't worry, please? I know you will. But I'm okay. I am."

It sounded like an empty promise that Darren just couldn't force himself to believe.

* * *

"You look upset."

Chris looked up from his food and found Ashley staring at him from across the table. He stabbed a piece of tomato and took a bite. He shrugged limply.

"Come on, tell me what's bugging you. What is it? Were you expecting doctor Malkin to say something different or…?"

"It's Darren," he interrupted. Ashley arched an eyebrow at him. "He… he was conviced I remembered something about him and I didn't. And I had to tell him and I'm afraid I hurt him…"

"Darren's a big boy," Ashley answered, cutting up a piece of chicken. "He'll be fine."

"I know he will," Chris sighed and put his fork down. "I just feel like he has too many optimistic expectations and they're going to get crushed."

"You don't know that, Chris," she said firmly. Chris tried to protest, but Ashley wouldn't allow it. "No, listen to me. Doctor Malkin didn't say you'll get your memory back tomorrow, but she didn't say it _won't_ happen either. The way I see it, there's a fifty percent chance that it'll happen any day…" Ashley chewed on her chicken thoughtfully. "And don't you believe you already have enough to deal with? Worrying about Darren can definitely wait…"

"You didn't see him when he thought I'd remembered…" Chris shook his head, disappointed in himself. "He was so emotional, so happy…"

Ashley put her fork down, too, and reached across the table to grab his hand. "Baby, we would all be happy if you remembered. But it isn't about us. It's about _you_. And Darren needs to understand that, too…"

"Can you really blame him for wanting me to remember him?" Chris asked sadly. "He's living with me. He's putting his life on hold for me… for someone who, right now, is a stranger to him. I'm not the same person he was friends with and I don't know if I'll ever be…"

"You know, Chris…" Ashley leaned over the table to look at him straight in the eyes. "I've known you for a few years now, and I've been your best friend since day one. And let me tell you one thing… there isn't a single thing that I've seen come at you that you haven't been able to deal with. There isn't a single thing in this world that you cannot do. And even if right now you don't feel like you can get through this… I know you will. It doesn't matter if you don't remember who you are right now. The same strength you've always had is still inside of you and that isn't going to ever change."

Chris was having trouble breathing by the time Ashley's little speech was over. Their hands were still clasped together over the table and he squeezed hers a little more tightly than necessary.

"I can see why I'd want you for my best friend," he said, choking a little on his words.

Ashley smiled at him, rolling his eyes. "I'm amazing, I know…"

Chris chuckled. "Thanks, Ashley."

"You're welcome, baby," she answered. "Now, eat your salad. You look skinnier than ever."

"Yes, mom," it was Chris who rolled his eyes this time.

"Hey," Ashley pointed her fork at him. "Don't push me, Colfer, or I'll leave you stranded here in the middle of LA, and then you're screwed."

Chris laughed again before turning his attention back to his food.

* * *

The sky was already darkening by the time Darren opened the door and walked into Chris' house. He was tired from an endless day of shooting and from all the emotional baggage he had been carrying around, first with the worry about how Chris' appointment would go and then with the disappointment of knowing Chris had lied to him.

He couldn't blame him, really, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt a little…

Or a lot.

The only light was coming from the kitchen. The rest of the house seemed to be immersed in darkness. He noticed a little glow coming from the living room and peeked in there first, finding the television on and Chris curled up on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around him, watching a re-run of Gilmore Girls.

"Hey," Darren said softly.

Chris lifted his head from where it was resting on the armrest and blinked at him. "Hey. How was work?"

Darren shifted from one foot to the other, awkwardly. "Fine, I guess. It was a long day."

"I made dinner," Chris muttered. "Spaghetti. I didn't feel like burning down the kitchen so I kept it simple."

"That sounds good," Darren answered. His voice was still a little strained.

Chris sighed and stood up, wrapping the blanket tighter around his shoulders so it wouldn't fall. "Look, Darren, I… I'm really sorry. I know you were excited because you thought I remembered…"

"No, it's okay," Darren shrugged. "I had no right to make you feel bad about it. You already have so much to deal with…"

"But still…" Chris stood in front of him, just a couple of steps between them. "I should've told you the truth. I just… I didn't want to break your heart."

Darren let out a shaky breath and, grabbing Chris' elbow, pulled him into his arms, making him collapse against his chest. "Don't ever be afraid to tell me the truth, okay? Ever. I'm going to be here for you, no matter what."

Chris let his head drop onto the crook of Darren's shoulder. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Dare…"

Darren buried his nose in Chris' hair. It smelled like coconut shampoo. "You'd be doing fine anyway. You've never needed anybody to help you through the hard stuff."

"Maybe I do now," Chris said in a little voice. "Maybe I need you."

Darren tightened his arms around him.

* * *

**Did you guys like this chapter? Please review and let me know! :)**

**See you guys again next weekend! Have a wonderful week!**

**L.-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys :)**

**So yes, I'm updating a little early this week, and I have two reasons for that. First, because I hope this update will somehow cheer Christine (she's a sweetheart, and she not only makes the PDFs for my fics, but she's also someone I enjoy talking to a lot), and second, because I need some cheering up, too, and because nothing makes me happier than keeping myself busy with my fics.**

**Thank you all who have read and reviewed so far! I'm very happy with the response I've gotten for the previous chapters. I hope you'll like this one, too!**

**Another thank you goes out to my beta, Wutif! **

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Nights were the perfect time to think, Chris discovered. He could lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think endlessly without any kind of interruption. The only sound breaking the silence was Brian purring every now and then as he scratched behind the cat's ears, absentmindedly.

Sometimes, he thought of what he could do with his life. Sometimes, he tried to force himself to remember something, anything, as insignificant as it might be. Other times, he found himself thinking of Darren.

Even though Darren was an open book most of the time, there were still things about him that Chris couldn't understand. He knew Darren was a good friend, but he also knew that not everyone would put their entire lives on hold to help a friend in need. Darren hadn't even given it a second thought: he had stopped working and moved in with him, pretty much cleared his entire life to make room and time for Chris and nothing but Chris. He woke up every morning before Chris did to prepare breakfast for both of them and went to bed late at night only when he assumed Chris was asleep. It was nice but unsettling at the same time, to have someone putting everything aside to take care of you.

Chris wanted to make it up to Darren in some way, but he didn't know how. If he stopped for a minute, he realized he didn't know much about Darren, either. They mostly talked about Chris or had meaningless conversations to _avoid_ talking about Chris. But who was Darren? Who was the amazing stranger who so selflessly had decided to help Chris?

Chris decided it was time to find out.

* * *

Darren rolled out of bed lazily. It was still quite early and he definitely would have liked to keep sleeping, but he always made a point of getting up before Chris. He didn't know why, but he felt it was important that Chris could get up knowing someone was there for him, making breakfast for him. That the house wasn't empty. That he wasn't alone.

He walked down the stairs, still half asleep, barefooted, and with his hair dishveled. He scratched his chin, where the stubble was slowly morphing into a full-on beard. The lack of filming was turning him into a mountain man again.

But when he walked into the kitchen, Darren stopped short in his tracks. He didn't expect to see Chris already there, leaning against the counter top with his face buried in a recipe book, the coffee already brewing and the ingredients for pancakes scattered everywhere.

"Chris?" He said, surprised.

Chris turned around. His hair was still sleep-mussed and there was a trail of flour on his nose, where he must have scratched it. He looked at Darren with wide, bright blue eyes. "Hey."

"What are you doing up so early?" Darren asked, walking towards him. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah… I just thought I'd make breakfast for you, this time," Chris shrugged, turning his attention back to the book in front of him. "You always get up early to make breakfast for me and I don't think that's fair…"

"You know I do that because I want to…" Darren replied.

Chris nodded, distracted. "Yeah, well…" He sighed in frustration. "I couldn't remember how to make pancakes and I made a mess instead."

"Do you need help?" Darren offered, already moving closer to take over, but he stopped when he saw the determination in Chris' face.

"No. I can figure this out," he muttered under his breath.

"You just need a cup of coffee first," Darren nudged him with his shoulder before walking to the coffee machine and pouring two cups. He handed one to Chris and then sat at the breakfast bar even though he wanted to help. He knew he had to leave Chris to do things on his own, especially things as basic as cooking.

After studying the instructions for another minute, Chris reached out for a bowl and started to measure the ingredients and mix everything. He heated a pan and carefully poured the pancakes, making sure they didn't get burnt and flipping them with a spatula with a hesitant hand at first, but getting more confident with every pancake.

Darren finally stood up when Chris was putting the last pancake on a plate to pour more coffee. He caught Chris' huge grin as he stood next to him at the counter.

"Breakfast's ready," Chris announced, unable to hide the edge of pride in his voice.

"So it seems," Darren smiled. "It's Sunday morning and we should be lazy. It's too early to do anything else. What do you say we take this to the couch and eat while we watch some cartoons?"

"I like that idea," Chris answered happily.

Without really thinking, Darren used his finger to wipe the flour off Chris' nose. Neither of them really noticed how close they were standing to each other. Chris' blue eyes got lost in Darren's hazel ones for a moment, before Darren spoke again, breaking the connection.

"I'll race you to the couch! The last one there has to wash the dishes!"

It was wonderful to hear Chris' clear laughter filling the house as they rushed into the living room, trying not to spill their breakfast on the way.

* * *

Ashley was slowly becoming a more and more frequent fixture at Chris' house. Sometimes she would come over for dinner, or to watch a movie, or she would pick up Chris and take him to lunch and then tour around somewhere.

Darren was happy that Chris had finally gotten over his initial rejection and had pretty much gone back to normal with her. It was also great to count on someone else so he could get out of the house and get some of his own stuff done. It was incredible how behind on his work he could get in just a few days…

That didn't stop him from worrying about him, though. When he was away and Chris was with Ashley, he texted her a million times just to check on them. He tried to be subtle. He really tried…

**From: Darren.**

**To: Ashley.**

**Why is it fair that you two are doing _ (fill in the blank) while I'm stucked in a little trailer doing fittings?**

_From: Ashley._

_To: Darren._

_Nice try, Frodo. Stop worrying. We're not skydiving or bungee jumping or anything of the sort._

**From: Darren.**

**To: Ashley.**

**That would be awesome, actually. Why would you prefer to be _ (fill in the blanks) instead of doing that?**

_From: Ashley._

_To: Darren._

_Dare, this is Chris. We're fine. I'M fine. Enjoy your day and I'll see you tonight._

Darren had to admit that the worst part of having time for himself, was actually not being around Chris all the time.

He decided it was better not to think too much into it.

* * *

Trying to choose something to do with his new life was one of the things that occupied Chris' thoughts the most. He had thought about trying lots of things, but he wasn't sure what he was good at. Maybe the things he used to do before the accident weren't possibilities for him anymore. He wasn't sure he could stand in front of a camera and play a character knowing the entire country was going to see it. He wasn't sure he had enough confidence for that anymore…

But then he woke up in the middle of the night, his heart racing, and he was gasping for breath. Something exciting had happened in his dreams. He had seen images playing in his brain like a movie. Words and drawings and ideas that twirled together in a confusing swirl of color.

Chris sat up, startling Brian for a second, trying to breathe, before he jumped out of bed and ran towards Darren's bedroom.

He pushed the door open without even bothering to knock and kneeled on the empty side of the bed, before placing his hands on Darren's shoulders to wake him. "Dare? Dare? Wake up."

Darren's eyes snapped open. He fumbled with the blankets and the pillows, sitting up quickly and turning the light on. His eyes were wide and scared when they finally focused on Chris. "What is it? What happened?"

Chris would have laughed at Darren's dishveled appearance if he wasn't so excited about his own news. He smiled brightly. "I know what I'm going to do. I finally know."

Darren blinked, confused. "I… what?"

"I'm going to write a book," Chris announced, unable to wait another second. "I want to be a writer. I think I could be good at it…"

Darren's gaze softened. "Chris…"

"No, no, listen!" Chris bounced a little bit, making the bed shake under them. "I had a dream! And it was a very good dream. I want to write a children's book. I want to write about what happens after all the classic fairy tales end. The two main characters will be two kids, brother and sister, and… where are you going?"

Darren had slowly slid out of bed and was walking out of the room, right in the middle of his exciting revelation. Chris stared at him, without understanding, upset that Darren wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Darren paused in the doorway and turned to look at him.

"Just… wait here? I'll be back in a second," he said.

Chris sighed, but shrugged. He slid under the covers, noticing Darren slept with a window cracked open and the room was slightly chilly. He thought he heard Darren on the stairs. He was too distracted already planning supporting characters and plotlines to really think anchor his dream…

He closed his eyes. He could still see the vestiges of his dream. Maybe he should write all his ideas down before he forgot about them.

The mattress shifted when Darren got back into bed and Chris looked up at him from where he had taken over the right side and one of the pillows. Darren didn't seem sleepy and confused anymore, but he looked serious.

Without saying a word, he gave Chris a book.

Chris blinked down at it, inhaling sharply. It was a thick, hard-cover book. The cover was beautiful, a jewel-like emerald with golden embossed letters forming the words _The Land of Stories_ just above a picture of a castle, with a boy and a girl who seemed to be falling into…

And then Chris saw it. It was _his_ name at the bottom of the cover.

"You already wrote it, Chris," Darren said softly, just as he figured it out himself.

Chris sank back against the pillow, holding the book as if he couldn't believe an idea from his head really existed between those covers. "I… already wrote it," he repeated blankly.

Darren nodded, turning on his side so he was facing Chris. "I guess I should've told you earlier, but… I don't know. I guess I was hoping you'd remember it on your own."

Chris sighed. "That makes sense, I guess. If you told me everything, there would be nothing left to remember."

"Are you okay?" Darren asked, reaching out to put his hand on Chris' arm.

Chris set the book down between them. "Yeah, I am…" He looked into Darren's earnest eyes. "Do you think this counts as remembering? I mean… I dreamed everything about it. I know what it is about…"

Darren bit his lip, realizing this might be the beginning. "I think it might." He moved a little closer until he could almost hover above Chris. "Okay… do you know the characters' names?"

Chris took a second to try and focus on the contents of his dream. "The girl's name is Alex. The boy's Conner."

Darren gasped and the grip on his arm became tighter. "What else? What else, Chris?"

"Cinderella is pregnant," Chris' own eyes went just as wide as Darren's. Was he remembering? Was it really happening? "And… there's a character who's a runaway? A woman?"

"Yes!" Darren exclaimed. He couldn't hold it back any longer and he practically launched himself at Chris, wrapping him in his arms and pulling him against his chest. "Yes, Chris, yes."

Chris fell into his embrace, just as elated as Darren. He buried his face against Darren's collarbone and tried to calm himself down. Was this really happening? Was his mind giving him back a bit of what it had taken away from him? Maybe it wasn't a lot, but it was enough, at least for now.

"You were writing the sequel," Darren said after a few minutes in which they held each other in silence. "Before the accident, I mean. You told me that it was going to be a trilogy."

Chris nodded. He didn't know what the second book was supposed to be about. "Maybe I should check my laptop. I… I didn't want to turn it on because I wasn't sure of what I would find there, but… maybe it's time."

"Maybe it is," Darren answered, pressing his lips against the top of Chris' head. "And you could still write. Even if you don't write the same book you were writing, even if you start something new… I think it could work. I think you could do it."

"Yeah," Chris muttered. He was already lost in thoughts again. There was so much about his book that he wanted to know… but it was late and Darren was probably tired. And he was sure Darren couldn't have all of the answers. Perhaps he would have to find someone who did… "Well… I better go back to bed and let you go back to sleep."

"Stay with me," Darren burst out then, suddenly. "Stay here. You don't have to go."

Chris frowned, confused. "Darren…"

"Please," Darren tightened his arms around him as if he couldn't even think of letting him go.

Chris couldn't deny he felt at peace in Darren's arms. He felt safe, like nothing could touch him, like he couldn't get lost again.

Chris sighed and shifted to get comfortable. Darren moved with him and soon Chris was resting his head on Darren's chest and feeling the steady thump of his heart against his ear. That, and the warmth of Darren all around him, was enough to lull him back to sleep.

* * *

When Chris woke up the next morning, Darren was already gone. He could hear him making breakfast downstairs. He got out of bed and took a shower before going down to the kitchen.

It took just one look into each other's eyes to know they wouldn't talk about how they had fallen asleep together, or how Darren had begged him to stay.

It was as if the night before had never happened and, considering how confused Chris felt about it, he thought it was a blessing.

* * *

It was a few nights later. Darren was seasoning a chicken for dinner while Chris sat at the breakfast bar, with his laptop. He had been trying to find a new idea to start a book, but none of the ones that had popped in his head really appealed him, so after a while, he ended up giving up on all of them.

He had been glued to his computer all day, typing non-stop and, until then, Darren thought maybe Chris had finally come up with something good. That was, of course, before he heard him closing his computer with a frustrated sigh.

Darren looked over his shoulder. "Didn't work out?"

"No," Chris answered simply. Then, after a beat, he said: "I was thinking we could make dinner…"

"I thought that's what I was doing?" Darren cut him off, arching an eyebrow.

Chris scoffed at him. "Let me finish?" Darren rolled his eyes and shrugged an apology. "Thank you. I was thinking we could make a nice dinner sometime and maybe… uhm, invite some people over?"

Darren turned around now to look at him, visibly surprised. He leaned against the counter. "You want to have people over for dinner? Who?"

"Well…" Chris shrugged. "Reconnecting with Ashley was fairly easy, so I thought maybe I could do the same with my other friends. There's no point in pushing the people who love me away…"

Darren smiled at him. "That's a great idea. What did you have in mind?"

"Maybe Lea and Cory, for starters? We could invite Ashley, too. I think having you two here with me might make it easier," Chris explained.

Darren took a few steps towards him and put a hand on his shoulder. "They'd be very happy to see you."

"Then let's do it," Chris said. "Being with this sheltered won't do me any good. I need to start living again and that might be a good way to start."

"Good for you," Darren went back to work on the chicken. "What do you say if we do it this weekend? That'll give me time to call the guys and to think of what we can eat. We'll probably have to keep it simple or order take out. Lea's a vegan and I suck at cooking vegan food."

"Okay," Chris smiled back at him. "I think I'm gonna call Ashley and invite her."

"I'll let you know when dinner's ready!"

Darren finished cooking with the indistinct sound of Chris' voice and laughter coming from the living room.

* * *

Chris spent the rest of the week feeling a little anxious because of the imminent dinner with Lea and Cory, so the first thing Ashley did when she came into the house on Saturday night was smack his butt.

"Hey!" Chris exclaimed, rubbing the abused zone while ignoring Darren's chuckles.

"Stop freaking out, Colfer. It'll be fine. It won't be awkward like it was at the hospital, I promise," Ashley said as she put a box on the kitchen counter. "I brought homemade brownies for desert."

"You're perfect," Darren said, leaning to kiss her cheek. Then he went back to chopping ingredients for a salad.

"What are we having for dinner?" Ashley asked, stealing a piece of carrot from a bowl and chewing on it.

"We ordered pizza. It seemed like the easiest thing," Darren answered. "But I thought some salad as a side would be good, too. You know how Lea is with her salads."

"I like salads, too," Chris muttered absently, peeking into the box of brownies.

"Yeah, you do. Now go set the table," Darren said.

"Hey, don't be so bossy," Chris pouted, as he walked towards the cupboard to get the plates anyway.

Darren sighed and followed Chris out into the dining room. "Chris," he said, seriously. He stood in front of him. "Are you okay? I know you're nervous about tonight, but…"

"I'm fine," Chris assured him.

"Are you sure? Because we can still cancel this thing. We can do this some other day. It can just be the two of us and Ashley tonight, if you want…"

"Dare," Chris' fingers circled Darren's wrist. "I'm fine, I swear. I'm not freaking out as badly as you think I am. I'm just a little nervous. But I'll survive. It'll be alright."

Darren exhaled loudly. He reached out and brushed some hair off Chris' forehead. "I can't help but worry about you, you know?"

Chris smiled sweetly at him. "I know…"

"Okay, what is this?" They both turned to see Ashley leaning against the doorframe that connected the dining room with the kitchen, with her eyes narrowed at them. Chris blinked at her in confusion. "You two. You're awfully cozy…"

Darren immediately took a step back. "Don't be ridiculous, Ash." He cleared his throat. "I'll go finish the salad."

Ashley stared at him until Darren was back at the counter, working silently. Then she crossed the dinning room to where Chris was putting the plates on the table.

"Christopher, talk to me," she demanded.

"Hi," he said obediently, arching an eyebrow.

"I mean it," Ashley put her hands on his shoulders, to keep him from evading her. "There's something going on here and I want to know what it is."

"Ashley, what are you even talking about?" Chris chuckled, amused by how weird his friend was being. "He was just making sure I was okay."

"That's it? No sucking face in secret when you're alone?" Ashley asked and the way Chris' eyes widened would have been comical if he didn't look completely disconcerted. "What?"

"Ash, come on," he said, shaking his head. "That makes no sense."

"Why not?" She shrugged. "I always thought there was some sexual tension between the two of you…"

Chris' eyes tried to widen even more, but it wasn't exactly possible for them to do so. "Ashley! He's a guy!"

"And wh-…" Ashley gasped as realization hit her like a freight train. "_Oh_. Okay. Sorry. I… didn't mean to… Sorry." She ran back into the kitchen.

Chris stayed there, frozen, for a couple of seconds, before rolling his eyes and deciding to go back to get the table ready for dinner.

* * *

Except for the moment when Chris stiffened a little as Lea hugged a bit too tightly for comfort, everything seemed to be going alright. The five of them were sitting around the table, eating and talking with ease. Darren had actually called Cory and Lea the night before and gave them a few instructions on things they should avoid saying to not make Chris uncomfortable and, apparently, it was working.

It was sort of a perfect night.

"Darren, can you help me with the desert, please?" Ashley said, standing up decisively.

Darren looked down at the still half-eaten slice of pepperoni pizza in his plate. "Uhm."

She looked pointedly at him. "I just want you to show me if there's something to put on the brownies."

"I…" He looked around the table. Chris was immersed in coversation with Cory about a trip to Canada he and Lea had made a few weeks prior. "Sure…"

As soon as he was on his feet, Ashley grabbed his arm and tugged at him until they were in the hallway, when she promptly pushed him into the coat closet and then entered herself, closing the door behind them.

"What are you _doing_?" Darren asked, incredulous.

"Chris doesn't remember he's gay," Ashley answered, stage whispering.

Darren's eyebrows shot up all the way up to his hairline. "What?"

"Chris doesn't remember he's gay."

"_What_?"

Ashley groaned. "Are you deaf or just stupid?"

Darren scoffed at her. "I heard you! I just… don't understand."

"How didn't we think of that? He forgot his own family, of couse he doesn't remember his sexual orientation…"

"Wait, so… do you think he might like girls now?" Darren blinked, confused.

"He seems to think he does, at least," Ashley shrugged.

Darren felt as if the closet was closing down aroung them. "What did he say to clue you in?"

"He didn't say much. He only implied that there couldn't be any sort of sexual tension between you because you're a guy," Ashley explained and Darren was pretty sure he was suddenly having trouble breathing. "What?"

"What? _You told him there was sexual tension between us?_" Darren repeated, his voice climbing in disbelief.

Ashley huffed. "Oh come on, Darren. There was always sexual tension between you guys. Either you're definitely amazingly convincing as actors, or you really have wanted to hump the other for a while now."

"That is ridiculous. He's my best friend…"

"He's my best friend, too, and if he really _was_ straight, I'd be tapping that without a second thought," Ashley interrupted. "Have you even seen him? His arms are spectacular and his ass is out of this world. Not to mention that he seems to be very well-equiped, judging from all those tight pants he wears." Darren had turned a very obvious shade of red, noticeable even in the dim closet. "Ha. See? You definitely know what I'm talking about."

"You're missing the real point of this conversation," Darren said, brushing her comment off. "There's suddenly one more thing that will confuse him." He sighed, running a hand through his curls in frustration. "Just when I thought we were making some progress…"

Ashley opened her mouth to reply, but she never got to actually do it because the closet door was suddenly opened and Chris was staring at them, in bewilderment.

"What are you two doing in there?" He asked.

"I… we…" Darren babbled, at a complete loss for a reasonable answer.

"Playing seven minutes in heaven," Ashley answered nonchalantly, exiting the closet.

Chris looked at Darren, shocked. "You were making out?"

"No!" Darren exclaimed. "Jesus, Ashley."

"Then what were you doing?" Chris crossed his arms over his chest. "You do look a little flustered, Darren."

"We weren't kissing!" Darren protested, so loudly that even Lea and Cory peeked from the dining room to see what all the noise was about. Darren hid his face in his hands.

"Fine, we weren't kissing," Ashley shrugged dismissively. "I was just seeing if he could be convinced into it."

"I hate you," Darren muttered under his breath and Ashley poke her tongue out at him before walking into the kitchen. Darren stormed away in the opposite direction.

Chris turned to look at Cory and Lea. She was on her toes, trying to reach his cheek to give him a kiss as Cory was distracted looking at one of the pictures hanging on the wall.

"I have the weirdest friends," Chris muttered to himself, perplexed.

* * *

The rest of the night went smoother, even though Ashley kept making kissy faces in Darren's direction just to see him blush and mutter resentfully under his breath. Chris thought there was something strange going on between his friends, but he decided to let it be.

Lea insisted on playing board game so Darren had to search the house until he found one. It turned out they were are all very competitive, so when Cory won the rest of them just glared at him and sipper their wine in silence until Darren reached for his guitar and started strumming some melodies to relax them all back into a mellow mood.

It was just past midnight when Lea and Cory left. Chris gave them both a hug, feeling much more comfortable than when they had arrived, and they all promised they would do it again sometime. Ashley left ten minutes later, and Chris waved at her while she drove away.

Darren was in the kitchen, putting away the leftovers when Chris went back inside.

"That was fun," Chris said, as he moved to the sink to start washing the dishes.

"It really was," Darren smiled at him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm great, actually," Chris shrugged. Darren started drying as Chris washed. "Lea is amazing and Cory is so funny. I was very lucky to meet them."

"We're all very lucky to have met _you_," Darren replied teasingly, nudging him with his hip.

Chris rolled his eyes, but smiled. For a while, the only sound filling the kitchen was the water and the the plates as Chris washed them. But then he couldn't take the silence anymore. "You and Ashley were talking about me in the closet, weren't you?" He asked softly. Darren turned his head to look at him. "You aren't very subtle."

Darren took a deep breath. He didn't want to lie but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. "Chris…"

"What is it?" Chris turned the water off and, drying his hands on a kitchen cloth, leaned against the counter to stare at Darren. "Why all the secrecy? You've told me anything else I asked."

Darren was very aware of how close they were standing. He carefully took a step back. "Look, I…"

"Is this one of those things you keep from me because you think it'd be better for me to remember them on my own?" Chris said, tilting his head to the side.

Darren nodded. "This is definitely something you need to remember on your own, Chris."

Chris dropped his gaze down to the floor and didn't say anything for a moment.

"I wish I could tell you," Darren bit his lip. "It's not somehing bad. But it wouldn't make any sense. It's something you need to… feel."

Chris' eyes burned into Darren's, as if he was trying to get the truth out of them. "Okay. Then don't tell me."

"You're not mad at me?" Darren whispered.

"Oh, Dare," Chris grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. His head immediately dropped onto Darren's shoulder. "Of course I'm not mad at you."

"Good," Darren's arms found their way around Chris' waist. He hugged him a little tighter than he probably should have and hoped Chris didn't notice.

* * *

**Hope you guys enjoyed! Please review!**

**Thanks for reading, as usual.**

**L.-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi guys :)**

**I'm going to be busy tomorrow, so I'm updating today instead. I hope you don't mind :)**

**Thanks so much for all the great reviews you've been leaving for me so far. I'm really happy with your response to this story!**

**Unconditional love goes out to my beta, Wutif, who is an amazing friend and an amazing person. **

**I own nothing!**

* * *

The kitchen was bathed in bright sunlight. Soft music was playing from the living room – some movie soundtrack Chris had slipped into the stereo before wandering back upstairs to take a shower – and Darren hadn't bothered turning it off. The music was calming, nice. He wasn't sure which movie it belonged to, but it sounded like it came from a French film for some reason. Darren let the melody fill him as he poured a cup of coffee.

Chris had been immersed in his own little world lately. His thoughts seemed confused and it wasn't unusual to see him switch from one activity to another without completing either. There were half read books, half eaten sandwiches, half empty cups of tea (or music playing in the background just to end up unheard by him) all over the house. But Darren didn't comment on it. He actually reveled in Chris' behavior.

He was writing. Maybe not successfully, maybe not the same way he used to before, but he was writing. He had ideas, plots, characters and worlds swirling around in his head again and Darren had to admit that seeing Chris immersed in the creative process once more was fucking beautiful.

Chris was having some trouble getting back on his feet with his writing, though. He wasn't satisfied with any of his ideas and Darren believed that he must have started four different stories that week just to end up abandoning them all. He hadn't allowed Darren to read anything, not yet at least, but Darren was okay with that. He was happy just to see Chris trying to live his life again.

Darren took a sip of his coffee as he moved around the kitchen, humming. He was making a list of groceries to pick up for them later. He knew Chris wouldn't join him in his trip to the supermarket, but Darren was okay with that. Chris was quickly gaining back his own space. He didn't need someone around him at all times anymore.

Darren wasn't sad about that because that would make him a horrible, horrible friend.

_Horrible._

The phone ringing snapped Darren out of his thoughts and he walked into the living room to pick it up, turning down the music's volume as he accepted the call.

"Hello," he said.

"Darren, hi," Darren recognize Karyn Colfer's voice. "How are you?"

"Hi, Mrs. Colfer," he dropped down on the couch. Conversations with Chris' mom never lasted less than ten minutes. "I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Is Chris there? How is he? Can he take the phone for a moment?"

Darren smiled sadly at the eagerness in the woman's voice. He knew how hard it was for her to stay away from her son when he needed her the most, even if he didn't know it. "He's doing very well. He's been writing a lot. He just went upstairs to take a shower, but I can have him call you when he's done?"

Chris didn't call them often and, when he did, the calls were short. Darren didn't really blame him: the first time he had called Karyn after getting home from the hospital, his mother had horrified him by crying and begging him to let her pick him up and take him to Clovis, until her husband interceded. Things weren't _that_ uncomfortable anymore, but his parents were still pretty much strangers to Chris.

"I'd love that," Karyn answered with a sigh. "Why don't you tell me the things he wouldn't tell me? Is he eating enough? Is he getting enough sleep?"

Darren couldn't help but chuckle."He really is doing great," he assured her. "He's eating plenty and sleeping as much as he needs. He hasn't had even a headache in a week."

Relief was evident in Karyn's voice. "That's fantastic, I... I'm so glad he's doing better."

She still sounded sad and Darren bit his lip. He never wanted to be where Karyn stood right now. Losing the link to a child had to be one of the toughest things that could ever happen to a parent.

"I'll make sure he calls you, okay?" Darren promised. "Maybe tonight, when he's done going crazy with his writing..."

"Don't," Karyn muttered softly. "You shouldn't have to force my son to call me. He should do it because he wants to..."

"It's not him, it's his memory," Darren said. "You know that Chris loves you guys. He wouldn't stay away if it weren't for his memory..."

"He doesn't seem to have any problem being around you..." Karyn commented, a little bitterly. "I'm not going to lie, Darren, I wish it could be me."

"I'm sorry..." Darren didn't know what else to say. Was there really anything to say at a time like this?

"I better go," Karyn said and he knew that she was holding back tears. "I have a lot to do and I..."

"Of course," he interrupted in a low voice.

"Right," she took a deep breath. "I'll talk to you soon, Darren. Take care of him."

Darren nodded very slowly. "I always do," he whispered, even though she had already hung up. He noticed movement somewhere to his right and he turned around to find Chris standing by the doorway, looking at him with curious eyes. "Hey."

"Hey," he said back. His chestnut hair was damp and falling carelessly on his forehead. "Who was on the phone?"

"Your mom," Darren replied, as he walked back to the kitchen to finish the grocery list.

"Oh," Chris muttered. He followed, a little hesitantly. "Uhm. What... did she say?"

"She just wanted to know how you were doing," Darren sipped his coffee. It was almost cold now. He looked at Chris. "You should call her. She needs you, Chris."

Chris sat at one of the stools by the breakfast bar, uneasily. "Yeah..."

"Look, I know what you're thinking. I know you're not comfortable," Darren walked towards him and put his hands on the bar. "And _you_ know I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do... but you should call her. That woman is going through one of the hardest times in her life, and that's really saying something. She deserves better than a few words in the last three weeks. Just one phone call, Chris. Even five minutes will be enough for her now."

Chris looked up at him, his eyes suddenly very, very blue and Darren felt his breath hitch for a second. Without even noticing what he was doing, he leaned a bit closer to Chris, as if he was a magnet attracting him.

"What if... I wanted to go to Clovis?" Chris asked quietly.

Darren blinked, needing a second to snap out of his daze. "You... want to go to Clovis?"

"Maybe for a weekend," Chris shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. But it was and both of them knew that. "I thought that... well, maybe I might find some answers there. And after Ashley and Cory and Lea... that didn't go as bad as I thought it would. It went great, actually, and I have these amazing friends back now. So why not try that with my family?"

Darren smiled and reached for his hand, squeezing his fingers gently. "Chris..."

"But I need you to go with me," Chris said immediately, anxiously. "I... I don't think I would've been able to let those guys back into my life if it wasn't for you. If I didn't have you."

Darren's heart was beating the crap out of his chest right now, but he ignored it. "Well, I've never been one to say no to a road trip."

Once again, Chris' bright smile was all the reward he needed.

* * *

Chris had his feet propped up on the dashboard and his computer balanced on his lap. There was a little frown on his face and Darren glanced over at him every couple of minutes to check if it was still there.

"How's the story going?" He asked as he slowed for the traffic. The heavy traffic meant the four hours they thought it would take them to get to Clovis would probably end up being at least five.

"Mm," Chris mumbled distractedly. "Awesome."

Darren tried to bit back a smile but failed. "You should take a break for the weekend. You can always start again on Monday."

Chris looked up at him, the frown vanishing. "Do you think this trip will change anything?"

Darren knew he had to be very careful with his words. "I think it'll be good for you. You need your family, Chris, and your family needs you."

Chris smirked humorlessly. "I see what you're doing, deflecting the question."

"I'm not!" Darren feigned offense. "I'm being honest. Fuck you, Colfer."

"I understand that you don't want me to get my hopes up," Chris sighed, letting his head fall back and staring intently ahead at the vehicles in front of them. "I already know nothing much is going to happen."

The edge of resignation in Chris' voice threatened to break Darren's heart. "Hey, come on. You did remember stuff about your book the other night. You could get more memories back soon."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Chris burst out, out of nowhere.

Darren had just taken a sip from his coffee and almost spat the hot drink all over the steering wheel.

Chris grabbed a napkin from their Starbucks bag and handed it to him. "Sorry. Was that out of line?"

"Out of..." Darren babbled, wide-eyed. "No. No. Why would it...? No."

"Okay," Chris frowned again, not understanding Darren's sudden reaction. "So... do you?"

"Do I what?" Darren choked.

"Have a girlfriend," Chris replied patiently. He closed his laptop. "Are you alright? You don't have to answer if you don't..."

"No. I don't have a girlfriend," Darren said at last. He kept his eyes on the road as the cars in front of them finally moved a bit. "I... she broke up with me a few months ago."

"That sucks," Chris smiled at him, sympathetically. "I'm sure she didn't deserve you."

"Yeah, well..." Darren shrugged noncomittally. He didn't feel like talking about Mia now. It didn't hurt anymore, but... it felt weird, talking about relationships with Chris.

"What about me?" Chris asked then.

"You?" Darren said, confused.

"Yeah, did I have a girlfriend?" Chris handed Darren another napkin when he spilled coffee again, but looked unaffected by it this time. "You know, before all of this happened."

"You... girlfriend... I..." Darren muttered.

"I thought Ashley was my girlfriend at first," Chris explained. "We're so close... it would be almost logical, right?"

"She would definitely like that," Darren whispered. He sighed and looked at Chris, hoping there wasn't a hint of what he was thinking in his face. "But, no. No girlfriend."

"Oh," Chris nodded, pensively, before turning his attention back to his laptop without adding another word.

* * *

It wasn't easy to find the Colfers' home. Darren had never been in Clovis before and, for all intents and purposes, it was just as if Chris hadn't either. They drove in circles for about twenty minutes until they found a street they hadn't noticed that ended up leading them to the right address.

"You know…" Darren said as they parked in the drive way. "We both have GPS in our phones…"

Chris glared at him, but whatever witty, sarcastic comment he was thinking about died before it could reach his lips, because the front door was opening and Karyn was stepping out of the house, a little hesitantly.

The woman looked exactly like Chris remembered her from the hospital. She was holding something in her hands – maybe a kitchen cloth or a towel – and she was twisting in nervously.

Darren reached across their seats to grab Chris' hand in his. Chris' head snapped to the side, taking his eyes off his mother to look at his friend. Darren stared back at him, earnestly.

"I'll be with you every step of the way," Darren assured him in a quiet voice. "Just remember that these people love you and want what's best for you. If there's something you don't feel comfortable about, we can talk it out. Just let me know and maybe I can talk to them for you, if you don't want to do it."

"Okay," Chris' eyes were a little wide and his face had gone a little pale. "Thanks."

Darren nodded and moved to get out of the car, but Chris tugged at his hand, keeping him in place. Darren turned back to him, frowning curiously.

"They won't… they won't make me stay here, right?" Chris asked a little anxiously.

Darren squeezed his fingers gently. "Nope. You're going home with me."

Darren pretended his heart didn't beat a little faster when he saw the relief in Chris' face after his words.

Chris got out of the car when he he was ready. No one pushed him to do it sooner. Darren waited with him for those long seconds, letting his thumb trace Chris' knuckles softly until Chris sighed and nodded.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Darren repeated, wanting to make sure.

"Okay," Chris smiled tentatively.

They both exited the car. Chris walked slowly to where his mother was waiting while Darren got their bags from the backseat.

Karyn was being very careful not to push. She stood there, letting Chris do what he was comfortable with. The smile that broke across her face when he shyly pulled her into a very quick hug made it all worth it.

* * *

Their first day in Clovis, it rained.

It had been quite sunny until they arrived, and then the dark clouds had taken over the sky. Chris' plans to go out for a walk around town had to be postponed.

Darren helped him settle into his old room. He watched him as Chris' eyes wandered, around the unfamiliar room, taking in the posters, the pictures, the books. The memories he had misplaced. Darren waited with bated breath for a sparkle of recognition to flash across Chris' face, but it never came.

"I sure liked musicals when I was a teenager," Chris commented.

"I still can't believe you didn't make it to Broadway yet," Darren said, trying to laugh lightly. "You have the voice and the talent. You're Broadway's obvious option, I think. Far more than me."

"You were on Broadway?" Chris asked, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, taking a few steps closer to Darren.

"Yeah," Darren scratched the back of his neck.

"Did I go see you?" Chris scrunched his nose, as if he was willing the images back to his head.

Darren smiled at the sight. "No. You didn't have time. It was only for a couple of weeks. I was replacing the original lead..."

Chris reached out to straighten the collar of Darren's polo. Darren shivered a little and hoped Chris didn't notice. "I'm sorry I missed it."

Darren shrugged. "You'll go next time."

"I will," Chris smiled. His eyes flickered, moving over Darren's face for a second. He inhaled softly, as if he were about to say something...

"Guys! Lunch's ready!" Karyn's voice came from downstairs. "Wash your hands!"

Chris looked down, tearing his gaze from the man in front of him, and then took a step back, putting some distance between them. "I guess we'd better go down..."

"Yeah," Darren whispered.

He followed Chris down the stairs. They could hear voices coming from the kitchen. Tim and Hannah hadn't been home when they arrived: Karyn said they had gone to the grocery store to pick up a few things she had forgotten earlier. Darren understood her explanation for what it really was: they hadn't wanted to overwhelm Chris by being all together, so they had decided to give him time to gradually settle into the house first. Darren loved the Colfers a little more for that.

Overwhelmed or not, as soon as they walked into the kitchen, Chris found himself with an armful of girl. He looked down. She was just a few inches shorter than him, and her blonde hair tickled his nose. Her grip on him was tight and he could feel her smiling against his chest.

"Chris!" Hannah exclaimed happily.

Chris exchanged a quick look with Darren before hugging her back. He had expected a rush of memories to attack him as soon as he saw his sister, but nothing was happening. Nothing at all.

"Hi," he murmured, feeling a bit dumb.

She looked up at him, blue eyes filled with hope. "I'm Hannah, your little sister. I like chocolate chip ice-cream, puppies and Mark Salling."

Chris blinked in amusement. He could see why he had considered her the most important person in his life already. "I'm Chris, you big brother. Darren says my favorite ice-cream is strawberry cheesecake, I think puppies are adorable, and I'm not sure who Mark Salling is."

Hannah laughed. The sound was clear and innocent and it filled Chris' chest with warmth instantly. He allowed his sister to tug at his hand to guide him to the table.

Maybe he couldn't remember his family yet, but that didn't mean he couldn't feel part of it.

* * *

The rain only got worse as the day progressed. After lunch, Darren insisted on helping Karyn with the dishes as Hannah dragged Chris upstairs to show him her bedroom.

"He's doing a lot better," Karyn commented, rinsing a plate and not meeting Darren's eyes.

"He just needed some time," Darren answered gently. "He still does."

"No more memories came back, then," she said sadly, and it wasn't a question. She knew. "Only the ones about his book."

"They will come back," Darren replied with the same vehemency his words held the other thousand times he had said them, both to Chris and to himself. "All of them."

They finished the dishes in silence.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent sprawled on the living room rug playing board games. Darren wasn't even sure if he was losing or winning: he was too busy watching Chris laugh, watching him open up, watching him letting his walls down. Without knowing it, Chris was going back to being the same Chris he had always been.

Even if it was just temporary, Darren reveled in it.

It had to be because of Hannah. Maybe Chris didn't realize it, but Darren knew that Chris was always at his best when he was with his sister. He loved her so much, the effect she had on him couldn't even be compared to what other people made Chris feel. Hannah would always be a light in Chris' life, no matter what.

After dinner, when they were all watching a movie, squeezed on the couch next to each other, Darren patted Chris' knee quickly before standing up.

"I'm going to bed," he announced, making sure to keep his voice down to not disturb the movie. "Goodnight, guys."

He wasn't tired, not really. He enjoyed being pressed against Chris' side while watching movies, feeling his best friend next to him every time he laughed. But he needed to give them space. He needed to leave Chris with his family. He needed to allow them all to reconnect without any external links. And as comfortable as Darren felt at the Colfers', he didn't belong. This wasn't his family. He was merely a friend.

He didn't know why it felt so unexpectedly painful, but, as he slid under the blankets of the guest room's bed, he heard the soft sound of laughter coming from the living room and forced himself to smile. Chris was okay. He didn't need Darren now.

Darren clutched at his pillow a little tighter before falling asleep.

* * *

The next morning, the rain had stopped when Darren woke up to the smell of coffee.

He blinked his eyes open, nuzzling against the pillow for a moment before looking up. A lazy, sleepy smile stretched on his lips when he saw Chris sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at him. He looked relaxed, happy.

"Good morning," Chris said.

"Do I smell coffee?" Darren groaned, pushing himself up just a little.

Chris chuckled and turned to the nighstand to pick up the coffee cup he had brought. "You do indeed."

"Thanks," Darren accepted the cup and took a little sip before sighing in immediate contentment. "Oh fuck, this is good."

Chris looked around the room while Darren downed half of the cup. He was already dressed, his hair was slightly damp and his cheeks had the vestiges of a blush, like they always did after Chris had taken a hot shower. Darren pretended he wasn't looking at him when Chris turned to face him, an easy, soft smile on his lips.

"What time is it?" Darren asked, because it was the only question he could think of to break the silence.

"Around eight," Chris answered. "I know it's a little early, but... it's not raining anymore and I thought maybe you'd like to take a walk with me?"

Darren put his empty mug down and stretched his arms over his head. "Of course. Just give me fifteen minutes to shower and get dressed?"

"Sure," Chris took the mug and walked to the door. "I'll wait for you in the kitchen."

"I'll be right there," Darren said, and watched Chris leave before he jumped to his feet and went into the bathroom.

By the time Darren made it downstairs, showered and dressed (his curls were out of control thanks to the humidity in the air), Chris' parents were up too, and Chris was making scrambled eggs for them. The pleased, happy sparkle in Karyn's eyes was definitely worth seeing, and Darren squeezed her hand quickly when he passed next to her to lean on the counter.

"Do you want some eggs before we leave?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, why not," Darren replied and Chris gestured for him to grab a plate. "Where's Hannah?"

"Still sleeping. She's a heavy sleeper, so she'll be out for a couple more hours, at least," Tim answered, before taking a sip of his orange juice. "You two are going out?"

"Just for a walk," Chris shrugged, handing Darren's plate back to him. "We'll probably be back by lunch time."

"Do you want us to go with you?" Karyn exchanged a look of concern with her husband.

"No, we'll be okay," Chris dismissed her with a smile and then turned to Darren, who was still leaning against the counter next to him, shoving scrambled eggs into his mouth. Chris chuckled. "Easy, Dare."

"Sorry," Darren mumbled, covering his mouth as if to not spit egg on anyone. "They're really good."

"Mm, well. That means a lot coming from the breakfast master," Chris said. He seemed to be in such a good mood that morning. "You guys should try his pancakes. They're delicious," he told his parents.

"Maybe I'll make some tomorrow," Darren answered as he put his empty plate in the sink. "Okay. I'm ready."

"I... Darren, you have our numbers, right?" Karyn said anxiously, as she watched Chris walk out of the kitchen to go grab their jackets. "In case you get lost or..."

"They'll be fine," Tim assured her, patting her hand gently. "This will be good for Chris."

Darren smiled gratefully at him and, after kissing Karyn's cheek, he followed after Chris.

* * *

Clovis was a typical small town. There was a main street with stores and restaurants and a big supermarket. The rest, every where they turned, was houses.

They wandered around the quieter streets first, letting the freshly washed air fill their lungs, with that pleasant smell that always lingered after the rain. Chris was mostly silent, looking around, searching for something to strike a familiar chord, and Darren knew he was chasing memories he wasn't even sure existed.

"Hey," Darren said after a few minutes. He reached to squeeze Chris' hand, soothingly. "Relax. Let's just walk and breathe, and talk if you want, okay?"

Chris sighed and nodded. "You're right. Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for," Darren smiled at him and realized he was still holding Chris' hand. He let go, albeit a bit reluctantly.

"I just wish I knew if anything special happened in these streets," Chris said, letting his eyes roam over the trees and the rooftops and the fences. "If I ever scraped my knee learning how to ride a bike there, if I ever walked down this street after school, if... just... _if_."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Chris," Darren said, hazel eyes fixing on the boy next to him, bright and earnest. "Not every inch of this town needs to have a vanished memory for you."

"I know," Chris sighed, and a few more minutes of silence extended between them. "I didn't like Clovis very much, did I?" He finally added, frowning.

"What makes you think that?" Darren asked, cautiously.

"I'm not sure..." Chris was thoughtful for a second, glancing up the sky. "I have a weird vibe about this place."

Darren was trying to decide if he should tell Chris about all the things he had told him about Clovis in the past, about how it had never felt like home, about how he had always wanted to leave, but then they turned the next corner and found themselves in one of the busiest parts of town. Flower shops, little bars, two or three clothings stores, a small book shop and other places seemed to give the quiet little town some life.

It was more crowded there, too. Women made their ways through the streets, buying groceries. Men met in small corner cafés to talk about the sport events of the weekend. Kids ran around, happy that they didn't have school that day.

Darren suddenly thought of that scene of Beauty and the Beast where Belle walks arund the village. Everyone knew everyone and everyone knew Belle because she was the different one.

It was the same here. Everyone knew everyone... and everyone knew Chris, judging by some of the second looks they were getting.

Darren felt uncomfortable. He wanted to tug on Chris' arm and bring him closer to him, but he knew he couldn't. He heard a few whispers, but he ignored them. Chris remained blissfully oblivious as he stopped at the book store and looked at the books they had on display, curiously.

An old lady came out of the butcher's shop next door and said, in a joyful tone, "good morning, Chris!", as she walked by slowly.

Chris blinked apprehensively at her for a second. "Hi..."

Darren saw his uneasiness flashing in his eyes. He leaned closer to Chris so no one would hear them. "Don't worry about talking to anyone, okay? Just smile and say hi and that'll be..."

"Chris! Hey, man, long time no see!"

They turned around. Someone else had come out of the butcher shop. The guy had to be around Chris' age, and he was wearing a white apron with red stains on it.

"Hi," Chris said, dumbly, not knowing who he was.

"How are you?" His smile was too big for Darren's taste.

"I'm okay..." Chris glanced quickly at Darren, a bit unsure.

Darren didn't like this guy. Something was wrong with this...

"We should hang out some time," he said, a little too cheerfully. "You know, to relive some high school memories. We had so much fun, didn't we?"

Something clicked all of a sudden. Darren remembered Chris telling him about how some of the guys that had made fun of him in high school had suddenly became eager to talk to him once Chris started working on Glee. He remembered some of the really awful anecdotes Chris had told him about, the ones he had collected through his school years.

"I..." Chris was frowning. He was frowning at this guy who was a stranger to him now, but that had probably marked his teenage years in a way that was actually better that he had forgotten.

Darren couldn't just stand there anymore. His hand closed around Chris' elbow. Pulling him imperceptibly closer to him. "We should go, Chris. We need to be back home for lunch, remember?"

"Oh, man! I didn't notice you there. Aren't you the guy who plays..." The guy started saying, but Darren interrupted.

"Yes," he said coldly. "And now if you excuse us..."

Without another word, Darren dragged Chris away, turned the first corner he found that led to a less crowded street and kept his grip on the other boy. He couldn't let go.

"Who was he?" Chris asked quietly.

"I don't know," Darren answered sincerely. "But I didn't like him."

"Maybe he was a friend of mine when we were in high school..." Chris muttered, thoughfully. "He sounded like we were friends, at least..."

"No, he wasn't," Darren replied, a little too firmly. "Just... forget about him, okay?"

Chris stopped abruptly and tugged at his arm so Darren would let go of it. "Forget about him? _Forget_ about him? Darren, don't you think I have already forgotten plenty of things? Don't you think what I need to do is start remembering?"

He was upset. And he had every right to be, but what was Darren supposed to do?

"Darren, if you know who he was..."

"I don't know him, okay? I don't know."

"Well, you know _something_. What is it?"

"Nothing. Let's go back to..."

"Darren..."

"Chris."

"Look, if he was one of my friends from high school, then maybe I can go talk to him and..."

"No, Chris! You can't do that. Stop. We need to..."

"Why not? Why can't I...?"

"Because you didn't have any friends in high school!"

Darren hadn't meant to yell those last words at him. He didn't like the way Chris' face went paler than usual. He didn't like the hurt expression in his eyes.

Coming to Clovis hadn't been the brightest idea after all...

"I... why not?" Chris asked in a small voice.

It broke Darren's heart. "Because you were too special, too talented, too amazing, and they were jealous..."

"So... what you're saying is that I was the freak of the school?" Chris choked out. "And that no one liked me. Is that what you're saying?"

"Chris..."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Chris curled his hands into fists. "Why?"

"Because it doesn't matter anymore," Darren ran a hand through his hair, desperate. "It was years ago, and it doesn't have anything to do with the person you are now."

Chris looked away. Darren couldn't see his eyes, and he found himself needing to. Everything Chris felt could be seen through his eyes. He needed to see so he could make him feel better...

"Let's go back," Chris said finally. His voice was low and emotionless.

Darren nodded. He didn't know what else to do.

* * *

As soon as they made it back to the house, Chris went up to his bedroom and locked the door behind him. Karyn and Tim turned to Darren for explanations, but he didn't know what to say.

Instead, he went upstairs too, and he sat on the floor next to Chris' bedroom door. He waited, although he wasn't sure what he was waiting for.

* * *

He woke up to fingers in his curls. He didn't even remember falling asleep, but he was curled up in a ball on the floor and his left side was stiff and sore.

Darren opened his eyes, a little confused, and woke up to Chris's face for the second time that day.

"Hey," Chris said softly.

"Hey," Darren said, not daring to move.

"What are you doing here, Dare?" Chris asked with a sigh.

Darren sat up slowly, leaning against the wall and rubbing at his ribs. "I don't know. I apparently thought it was a bright idea to guard your door while you were upset."

Chris looked at him for a moment without saying anything. Finally, he exhaled loudly, tiredly. "Come on. They called us down for lunch five minutes ago."

Darren grabbed the hand Chris was offering him to help him up. He let Chris' fingers slip away from his afterwards, as if he hadn't wanted to hold on to them.

* * *

Chris was mostly quiet and pensive, during the rest of the day. No one said anything; they allowed him the space he needed.

Tim suggested they all go out for dinner. He said there was a place both Hannah and Chris had loved to go to when they were kids. The family accepted immediately, but when they turned to Darren, he shook his head.

"I think I'm gonna pass, if that's alright," he said.

Chris frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really. I just want to stay in tonight, let you guys hang out, talk, have fun. Give you some family time..." Darren explained, from where he was standing behing Hannah, braiding her hair.

"Darren..." Chris started, hesitant. "You know you can... you don't..."

"It's fine," Darren assured him with a smile. "I'll get some work done for the week while you're gone. You can bring me some dessert, if you want. I'd never say no to that."

Chris bit his lip, but after a few seconds, he nodded. "I'll see what's on the menu."

* * *

As everything else seemed to be in Clovis, the restaurant was quite small. They sat at one of the last few vacant tables, by the window. The smile on Karyn's face was bright, remembering some happy memories they had made here.

People around them were chatting animatedly, and some turned to look at Chris when they walked in. Luckily, no one approached them, although Chris could feel the looks, nagging at the back of his neck. He grabbed the menu a little tighter than necessary.

"You've always liked the marinara chicken," Hannah said, leaning closer to Chris, evidently wanting to be helpful. "Or the cheese burger with onion rings."

Chris smiled at her. "Thanks, Hannah."

"You're welcome," she answered, putting her menu down. "I don't understand why Darren couldn't come with us. I like him. He's funny and he takes care of you."

Chris felt a slight blush creeping up his cheeks.

"He just wanted us to have some family time, Hannah," Tim replied. "You can spend some more time with him tomorrow."

"Do you know what time you'll be going back to Los Angeles tomorrow, Christopher?" Karyn asked.

"I'm not sure. Some time during the early afternoon, I guess. Darren has to work the next day, so..." Chris decided to go with one of the options Hannah had mentioned, so he put his menu with his sister's.

"Maybe next time we can come visit you?" Karyn offered, tentatively. "Instead of having you boys come up here?"

Chris gave her a sweet, little smile. "I think I'd like that."

They ordered their food when the waitress finally stopped by their table (she stared at Chris for a few seconds longer than necessary, and he tried not to get nervous because of it), and then they fell into quite an easy conversation. It was still obvious that Karyn was anxious to make Chris feel comfortable with them, but she didn't need to make such an effort. He just wanted them to relax.

Voices grew louder the more crowded the restaurant got. Chris tried to stay focused on whatever it was his parents were talking about, but the other sounds seemed to be pulling at him, somehow. Then Hannah laughed, high and clear and happy, and he turned to look at her.

Except it wasn't the same Hannah. She was younger, maybe ten years younger, and her blonde hair was in cute pig tails with purple ribbons. She was laughing carelessly until she stopped and she wasn't happy anymore. She wasn't at the restaurant either, but lying on a hospital bed, her eyes closed and her breathing shallow. Chris was holding her hand tightly, until it slipped away from his and he found himself equally as sad as he had been sitting there by his sister's side, but instead he was walking, walking down a hallway and keeping his eyes on his shoes. He could hear people laughing at him. There was something stuck to his back that they thought was funny. They were yelling at him, but their voices were so loud that he couldn't distinguish the words anymore; they all blurred together. He knew they weren't nice – they were scornful words of hate.

And then the laughter and the voices stopped and he was sitting on the couch in the living room, his head hanging down. His mother was sitting beside him, with a hand on his knee. Her voice, instead of loud and hateful, was low and concerned, as she said "Christopher, I think you should be homeschooled for a while..."

And he was alone. The walls of his bedroom closed in around him, and there were books on his bed, and he was alone. _Alone, alone, alone_...

A hand on his shoulder made him flinch back to the present reality. The sounds of the restaurant returned to his ears. The worried faces of his parents stared back at him. Tim's hand was still on his shoulder and he moved away from it, having trouble breathing.

"Chris?" Tim called softly, worried.

"Darren," Chris whimpered, clutching at the edge of the table until his knuckles went white. "I want Darren. Please, please..."

"Ssh. It's okay," Karyn crouched by his side, but he moved away from her touch. "What's wrong, honey? What happened?"

"Darren," he said again, as if the name was his only way to stay safe. "Darren, _please_."

Tim pulled a few bills out of his wallet. "We'll take you to Darren. Just hold on, Chris. Hold on."

Chris allowed Karyn to help him stand. He didn't even feel the breeze on his face when they made it out of the restaurant. He just knew he needed Darren, and he needed him now.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked this chapter. Please review and let me know!**

**What did you guys think of the season finale? Feel free to share your opinions with me, but please, as usual, keep any ship/character hate at bay. I liked it, but I didn't think it was season finale material. Though I'm hopeful for next season! It'll be hard going through four months of hiatus, but we'll get through it together, right? :)**

**See you guys next weekend! Thanks for reading.**

**L.-**


	7. Chapter 7

**READ THIS, PLEASE:**

**When I updated last week, FF alerts weren't working, so most people didn't get the notification that there was a new chapter up. Make sure you've read chapter 6 before you start this one!**

**That said... hi guys! I hope you're all having/had a nice weekend! Mine was really nice :)**

**Thank you for all the great reviews for the last chapter! I hope you'll like this one, too.**

**All my love goes out to my wonderful beta, Wutif.**

**I own nothing! **

* * *

There was a beer on a coaster on the coffee table and the script for the next episode Darren was supposed to film was on his lap, as he scanned through it. He didn't have many lines – since the incident with Chris, both Kurt and Blaine had sort of disappeared from the show, with Blaine occasionally appearing every now and then to give another excuse to explain their absence. Now that Chris was getting better, though, Darren was being pressured to come back for longer scenes. He knew he had to go back to work. He just wasn't sure about leaving Chris alone for so many hours...

Of course he could count on Ashley to fill in, but... if Darren preferred to keep an eye on Chris himself, no one could blame him, right?

He took a sip from his beer and flipped the pages back to his scene, preparing to memorize his very few lines. He had barely decided on the tone of voice he needed to use to convey the scene's mood, when the front door opened.

He frowned, but instantly relaxed into a smile when he saw the family coming into the house.

"Hey! You're back earlier than I thought! Did you bring me some dessert, Chr–..." He started saying, but stopped talking when he felt their distress. Then he noticed how pale and shaky Chris looked. "Chris?"

"Darren," Chris mumbled, and he looked so _lost_.

Darren stood up, alarmed. "What happened?"

Chris crossed the room in just a few strides, before collapsing into Darren's arms. He clung to him as if his life depended on it. He was breathing heavily and his hands were shaking where they were forming fists against his chest.

"Chris?" Darren whispered, worried. He looked at Karyn and Tim, looking for an explanation, but they merely shook their heads. He carefully pulled Chris with him until they were both sitting on the couch, Chris almost on top of him, burying his face against his shoulder. "Hey, come on. Talk to me. You're worrying me..."

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Tim urging Hannah and Karyn upstairs, even though Karyn was plainly reluctant to leave her son. Darren pressed his lips against the top of Chris' head and hummed softly, hoping that would soothe him.

Chris was gasping for breath now, and Darren held him a little tighter. "Come on, sweetheart. I need you to talk to me. Relax and let it all out. I'm here. I'm right here."

The grip on Darren's shirt became stronger. When Chris finally spoke, his breath was hot and damp against Darren's neck, and his voice was strained. "Clovis East High School. That's where I went to school. That's where I met the guy that talked to us outside the bookshop today. He was one of the assholes who always laughed at me. Everyone teased me, called me names..."

Darren tensed next to him. "Chris... you _remembered_ that?"

Chris nodded, shifting a bit closer to Darren, seeking comfort. "I really didn't have any friends. I had to be homeschooled when the bullying became too bad..."

It was Darren who had troubled breathing now. Chris _remembered_.

"And Hannah... we spent so much time at the hospital with her," Chris sniffled. "I was so scared. I was terrified that one day she wouldn't come home with us. That she'd be gone for good..."

Darren cupped his face and made him meet his eyes. Chris' cheeks were wet with tears and his lower lip was red from digging his teeth into it, and trembling. He wiped the tears away with his thumbs, slowly, caressing the skin. "What else, sweetheart? What else do you remember?"

"That's... that's it," Chris said, closing his eyes for a moment as if trying to force more images to come back.

Darren leaned closer to kiss his forehead. "This is good. Chris, this is _so_ good. Even if the memories aren't the happier ones, they're still memories coming back, and that's always good."

"I know," Chris muttered quietly. His eyes were wide when he opened them again. "I just... wasn't expecting it to be so intense."

"You just need to focus on how much better your life got so much better after that," Darren whispered in his ear. "So much better. Your life in Clovis left some scars, but I can assure you, you showed them how wrong they were about you..."

Chris hid his face against Darren's neck once again and stayed there, silent, for a few minutes. Darren rubbed his back comfortingly and waited for him to calm down.

Karyn and Tim eventually came back downstairs unable to hold back their anxiety any longer. They exchanged a look when they found their song wrapped around Darren, trusting his friend completely, so close, so intimately...

"Is he okay?" Karyn asked cautiously.

Chris sat up, using his hands on Darren's chest as leverage. He looked at his parents with red, swollen eyes. "I'm okay now." His hand was still in Darren's, and he didn't want to let go.

"Oh, honey. We were so worried... what happened?" Karyn crossed the room and sat on the coffee table, facing them.

"I got a few memories from high school back," he said, looking down at his lap, the images still so fresh in his mind. "And some from Hannah at the hospital. It was a little overwhelming, but I'm fine, I promise."

"Is there anything we can do for you, bud?" Tim asked, patting his back a little awkwardly.

Chris forced himself to release Darren's hand and gripped his own knees instead. He looked up at his father. "I just need some time. I'll be okay in a minute."

"Alright," Tim made a gesture to his wife. "Come on, Karyn. Let's give them some space."

"I..." She hesitated. Darren couldn't blame her. It couldn't be easy for her to keep letting someone else take care of her son, but that seemed to be what he wanted. "Fine."

Soon, they were alone again. The sound of Chris' breathing leveling out was all that filled the living room. Darren held him against his chest again, needing to be in full contact with the boy in his arms.

"I'm so tired," Chris mumbled at last, sighing.

"Then let me help you to bed, come on," Darren said, as he helped him up. Darren supported him with an arm around Chris as they climbed up the stairs to the second floor.

Chris sat on the edge of the bed when they got to his room, head hanging and eyes drooping. Darren smiled and kneeled on the floor to take his shoes off.

"You still owe me that dessert, you know," he teased.

Chris blinked at him, sleepily. "I didn't even get to taste my food."

Darren brushed Chris' hair off his forehead, gently. "Do you want me to get you anything from the kitchen before you go to sleep?"

Chris shook his head. "No, but maybe you could make pancakes for breakfast tomorrow."

"Yes, sir." Darren looked at him. He was wearing jeans that wouldn't be comfortable to sleep in. "I'll grab some pajama pants so you can change, okay?"

"Mmkay," Chris agreed.

Darren went through his dresser until he found a pair and put them down on the bed next to Chris. "Can you handle this yourself?"

"Sure," Chris undid the button and zipper of his jeans. Darren turned around to give him some privacy, biting his lip as he heard the jeans hitting the floor and then Chris struggling to put on his pajama bottoms. "Ready."

Darren tucked him in tenderly. Chris' fingers curled around his wrist for a moment.

"Thank you, Dare."

"Anytime, Chris."

He kissed his forehead goodnight on before he walked out, heading back down to the living room where he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on his script.

* * *

When Chris entered the kitchen the next morning, everyone else was already there. Tim and Hannah were sitting at the table, Karyn was pouring some coffee, and Darren was working at the stove, piling pancakes onto a plate.

They all turned to look at him when he arrived.

"Good morning," he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Hi, Chris," Hannah patted the seat next to her, happily. "I saved you a place."

Chris smiled and walked to her, sitting down. "Thanks, Hannah."

"Did you sleep well, honey?" Karyn asked, sounding a little tense, hanging onto Chris' every word.

"Yes, thanks," he smiled to reassure her. The poor woman was already worried enough about him.

Darren walked to the table and put a plate with three pancakes in front of Chris with a flourish. "Here's your special order, _monsieur_," he wiggled his eyebrows playfully, making Chris laugh.

"Thanks, Dare," Chris immediately started eating, sighing in contentment. "You make the best pancakes…"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Chris," Tim said absently, without looking up from his newspaper.

"Sorry," Chris mumbled after he swallowed.

"Do you guys have any plans for today, before you leave?" Karyn asked, taking her seat next to her husband.

"Not really," Darren shrugged, serving a couple more pancakes on Hannah's plate with a wink before sitting next to Chris with his own plateful. He turned to him. "Chris? Anything special you want to do today?"

Chris took a sip of orange juice before answering. "Could we maybe just stay here and hang out together? I think I need to take it easy after yesterday…"

Karyn reached across the table to squeeze his hand. "Of course."

"Thank you, mom," he smiled again, and then went back to eating, not noticing the sharp intake of breath and the way Karyn's eyes instantly filled with tears.

Darren unobtrusively handed her a napkin and then started eating his own breakfast.

* * *

The drive back to Los Angeles was a lot better than the one to Clovis. Chris was relaxed, stretched out in his seat, with his feet crossed on the dashboard, and his head thrown back as he moved it slightly to follow the rhythm of the songs playing on the radio.

Darren couldn't help but glance at him every now and then. He looked so careless, as if the tension had finally slipped away from his body. He knew Chris still had a lot to deal with, but it was getting easier. And he liked to think he was helping him carry that load.

"You're staring at me," Chris murmured, his eyes still closed, a smile playing on his lips.

Darren looked back ahead, swallowed audibly. "I'm not."

"But you were," Chris tilted his head to the side, watched Darren as he waited for the traffic to move enough for them to advance some more. "What's going on?"

"I was…" Darren cleared his throat. "I was thinking that you look a lot better than you did a few days ago. Coming to Clovis was a good idea."

"It was," Chris agreed, reaching to change the radio to a different station. "I feel like I have a little more hope now. I mean… I clearly wasn't happy in Clovis when I was a kid, but I still managed to get out of there and make everything better. So… I can do that again." He sighed, slumping back against his seat again. "I know it's not the same and…"

"That makes a lot of sense," Darren interrupted, smiling warmly at him. "And I think I told you before, but… Chris, you're the kind of guy who can accomplish anything."

Chris put his hand on top of Darren's where it was resting on the gear stick with a grateful squeeze. "Thanks, Dare."

Darren ignored the pang of longing that hit him when Chris removed his hand.

* * *

It was easy to fall back into their routine once they arrived. Chris went back to trying to write, to reveal the worlds he knew were still inside his head.

Darren went back to watching him, to admiring his strength, to watching the small glimpses of the old Chris breaking through the skin of the one in front of him, that shared breakfast with him, that cuddled with Brian when they were watching movies...

Darren noticed that a part of Chris was still trapped, and it wasn't only because of his memories. He was still living a sheltered life, an incomplete life, locked away in that house for too long...

"Maybe you should come to the studio with me," he said one morning, thinking out loud, when he was taking his empty cup to the sink.

Chris blinked. He had been practically draped over the breakfast bar, sleepily chewing on a piece of toast. "Come with you?"

"Yes," Darren answered, shrugging. "To work. I only have one scene with Lea today, so it'll be pretty quick. You can get out of here for a little while, breathe different air..."

"Okay," Chris agreed a little too quickly, maybe. He smiled. "How long before we leave?"

"Twenty minutes?" Darren said, taking a look at his watch.

Chris sprinted to his feet and out of the kitchen. "I'll go get ready!"

Darren laughed at his enthusiasm. "Don't run up the stairs, dummy!" He turned to where Brian was waiting for more food and, rolling his eyes, Darren slipped a little extra into his plate. "This stays between you and me, okay, buddy?"

Brian didn't even _meow_. He was too busy eating.

* * *

Television studios were always busy places. The lightning guys worked around the sound guys and the actors practiced their lines at the side while the make up crew fussed over them while directors screamed instructions to everyone else.

Chris was a bit overwhelmed at first. The way he practically glued himself to Darren's side was enough proof of that. His eyes were wide and he was taking in every detail in fascination.

"You okay?" Darren whispered in his ear.

Chris turned his head to face him. An excited little smile played on his lips. "Yes. This is... fantastic."

Darren stopped and put his hand on Chris' arm. "Everyone here knows you so they may come up to you to say hi. But most of them know about the incident, so they won't make you feel awkward. You can talk to them if you want, but if you don't, no one will judge you."

Chris nodded, still smiling. "Okay. Can I see your script?"

Darren chuckled. "Sure. We'll go to my trailer and you can read it there while I go to hair and makeup."

Unconsciously, Darren grabbed his hand and guided him. Chris was too busy looking around to notice.

"I like your trailer," Chris commented as he stepped into it a few minutes later. "Looks like a good place to rest between scenes."

Darren dropped his bag on the couch. "I think I've slept more here than at my apartment over the last year," he said, as he moved to the bathroom to get dressed.

Chris looked around until he stopped to look at the corkboard that had pictures and notes pinned to it. Some seemed to be of Darren's family. There were a few from people he didn't recognized until he spotted Lea and himself, so he assumed it was more of the cast. And then there was one of him and Darren at what seemed to be a party. They were grinning widely and they had an arm around each other. It warmed Chris' heart to look at it.

He grabbed the script and made himself comfortable on the couch. Darren had told him that it would take a while for him to get dressed, get his hair and make up done, so Chris knew he had time.

He didn't understand completely what was going on in the show, since he couldn't remember exactly who the characters were and what they were doing, but he still liked the general idea behind it. The writing was good.

"I'm ready, let's go!"

Chris startled, lost as he was in reading, when Darren's voice interrupted the silence in the trailer. He hadn't even heard him come back. He looked up at him.

And then he burst out laughing. "Oh my god!"

Darren frowned and tugged at the sleeves of his mustard-colored cardigan, self-consciously. "What?"

Chris stood up and walked towards him. He moved his hand as if he wanted to touch Darren's hair, but refrained from it. " What did they do to your hair? Is it glued down?"

"Oh. _That_," Darren rolled his eyes. "That's Blaine. I've been trying to get them to take it a little easier on the gel for a while now. It's a pain in the ass to wash it out at the end of the day..."

"Your curls are so nice. It's a shame," Chris barely touched the ends, where the hair slightly curled upward against Darren's neck.

Darren held his breath for a second. "Yeah, it is..." he said, although he wasn't sure what he was really agreeing with.

Darren took Chris to the set where they were filming. It was a set that looked like a massive apartment that had once been a factory or warehouse of some sort. Almost everyone there approached Chris, at least to pat him quickly on the back and tell them they were happy to see him.

When Lea saw him there, she squealed. "Chris! Oh my gosh, please tell me you're coming back to work! I miss you! Most of my scenes used to be with you!"

He hugged her tightly. "Sorry to disappoint you. I just came because Darren invited me. I'm nothing but an spectator today."

Lea sighed. "Well, I won't give up on my hopes yet. I know I'll have you back some day soon."

Both Lea and Darren were ushered to their places and Chris took a seat in the chair labeled as Darren's. After a few directions, they threw themselves into their performances, and it was like suddenly seeing different people take over their bodies. Darren's character seemed to be hurt, desperate, as he entered the apartment asking Lea if she'd had heard any news from Kurt. Chris knew he was Kurt, from what he had seen on the couple earlier episodes he had watched, and that was why the character was missing.

It was an emotional scene. Rachel, the girl Lea was playing, was worried about Kurt, but the absolute desolation in Darren's - Blaine's - eyes squeezed Chris' heart painfully.

They paused to change the angles of the cameras and Darren immediately walked towards Chris, who handed him a bottle off water. Darren grabbed it gratefully.

"That was... intense," Chris commented.

Darren nodded before taking a sip of water. "A little bit."

"Is it always like this?" Chris asked, looking around as the crew members hurried to make the changes the director pointed.

"It is lately," Darren answered, putting the water bottle down.

Chris hesitantly reached and cupped Darren's face. His thumbs trailed right under his eyes. "You look as if you have been crying for hours."

Darren's heart was beating a little louder, a little stronger. "That's how Blaine looks when Kurt's missing..."

"Why is he..." Chris started saying, but another voice interrupted.

"Chris? What are you doing here? Oh my god!" It was a woman. She was probably in her thirties and she was wearing a headset. Her arms were full of things she was carrying: coffee cups, scripts, binders, a box with who knows what...

"Hi..." Chris said timidly.

"He's just watching," Darren hurried to say. "I thought it would be a good idea for him to come here for a while."

"You chose the worst day," she groaned. She looked quite exhausted. "There are several journalists in Ryan's office right now and they're all here asking for you," she added, looking at Chris.

Chris' eyes went wide. "Me?"

"Crap," Darren started tugging on Chris' hand to get him to get up. "I'll take him to my trailer. Tell everyone I'll be back in ten minutes..."

"What's going on?" Chris asked, confused, as Darren hurried him out back to where the trailers were. "Darren..."

But Darren didn't say anything. He just kept walking until they were inside his trailer again. He closed the door behind them.

Chris wasn't very happy. "What the hell is going on?"

Darren ran his hands through his hair and then winced when they ended up all sticky because of the gel. He reached for a towel to clean them off.

"When you had the accident," Darren started, finally sitting on the couch and gesturing for Chris to join him, "everyone agreed it would be better for you to not let it reach the news. The producer of the show, your parents, your publicists, they all thought it would be best if they said you are taking some time off the show to work on a personal project. You've done so much these past years that no one questioned it..."

Chris frowned. He wasn't sure he understood.

"But then when the first episode without you finally aired, it was obvious it wasn't planned. Your character disappeared without an explanation and people noticed. And you disappeared from the face of the earth, too: no one's seen you in a while. So they're starting to get suspicious..." Darren explained. He squeezed Chris' hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I would put you through this bringing you here today..."

"Wait," Chris shook his head. "I don't get it. Why did everyone lie? Wouldn't it be easier to tell the truth?"

"And have people take advantage of that?" Darren said bitterly. "Strangers approaching you saying they were your friends or that you dated them or whatever fucked up lies they might come up with? No. It was too risky..."

Chris sat back against the couch. "This is all so weird..."

"I'm so sorry, Chris..." Darren said sadly.

"Hey, stop. It's fine," it was Chris' turn to squeeze his hand now. "It's not your fault."

"I can take you home again, if you want. They'll understand if I need to leave..." Darren hurried to say, but Chris smiled at him reassuringly.

"I'll stay here in the trailer and find something to entertain myself with," he pushed Darren to get up. "Now go back to work."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Darren insisted, anxiously.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Get out of here, Dare."

Darren did so, but still reluctantly.

* * *

Darren found him a few hours later, asleep on the couch, with several old scripts scattered around him and a box of cookies he had obviously found somewhere in the trailer.

Darren almost felt bad for waking him up. He looked absolutely adorable.

* * *

Chris stared at his computer screen with a frown, trying to focus. There was a scene he really wanted to write that was key to the story, so it needed to be perfect. But the right words weren't coming to him.

He sighed. Maybe he needed some music. Or coffee. Or air.

Chris wasn't even sure if writing this would take him somewhere. Would his publishing company still be interested in whatever he wrote? Or was he going to have to find someone else? What if by the time he got his memory back (_It'll happen, it'll happen, it'll happen_, a voice in the back of his head repeated, sounding a lot like Darren's) his career was dead? What if he had to start all over again?

He sighed deeply and pushed those thoughts away. Negativity was the last thing he needed.

Chris positioned his fingers on the keyboard again, determined to give this another try, but was interrupted by his phone ringing next to him on the desk. The caller ID said it was Ashley.

He leaned back on his seat as he accepted the call. "You better have called to provide inspiration."

"Someone sounds incredibly charming and cheerful today," she teased on the other end. "What's up, Colfer? Bad day of writing?"

"You could say that," he dropped his head back against the leather chair. "I'm, as usual, wondering how worth it all of this is."

"Yup, definitely cheerful," Ashley muttered. "Come on, don't be like that. You make us untalented kids feel like crap when you talk about giving up."

"Oh shut up," Chris rolled his eyes even though she couldn't see him. "I'm not the same guy I was before the accident. Maybe my talent got knocked out of my head with my memories."

"At least you still have the same delicious looking ass," Ashley replied, pleased to hear a quick snort from him. "Don't be so hard on yourself. A little writer's block isn't enough to defeat you, okay? You'll push through it and the result will be more than glorious. I can already see this untitled book that I still know nothing about, at the top of the bestselling lists."

Chris relaxed a bit. "You're an amazing friend, did you know that?"

"Glad you noticed," she laughed.

"How are you, Ash? To what do I owe the great pleasure of this phone call?" Chris started over, toying with a pen, drawing circles and squares on a notepad.

"Well, I was actually wondering if you and Darren had any plans for tonight," Ashley said. "Because I'm in the mood for pizza, movies and margaritas, but drinking alone is just sad."

Chris chuckled again. "I don't think we have any plans, but let me check with him anyway," he stood up and walked out of his office. "Is there any particular reason for the drinking or...?"

"Hey, can't a girl have a few drinks without people judging her for it?" She huffed, playfully.

"Of course you can, my mistake," Chris said. Darren's bedroom door was half open so he pushed inside to see if he was there. He wasn't, but the door to the bathroom was also slightly ajar, so he decided to check there just in case. He didn't notice the sound of the shower, focused as he was on what Ashley was saying.

"Okay, fine. There's a new horror movie everyone's talking about, but I don't want to watch it alone and I..."

Whatever words were coming out of Ashley's mouth got faded before they could reach Chris' ear. He suddenly found himself paralyzed at the sight before him and his brain went numb.

It was hot in the bathroom, steam fogging the mirror and the glass that surrounded the shower. But even if it was blurry, Chris could see the outline of Darren's body under the spray of water. He had one arm resting against the side wall with his forehead pressed against it, and his other hand was quickly moving over his...

Chris' breath hitched. _Oh my god, Darren's jerking off_.

"Chris? Are you there?" Ashley's voice snapped him back to reality, but, afraid to get caught, he pressed the button to end the call - a little too forcefully, it seemed, since the entire phone shut off.

Chris knew he had to leave, but for some reason, his legs weren't listening to him. His eyes were glued to the lines of Darren's body: his strong thighs, his broad back, his muscled arms... and oh _god_, his cock. It was thick and...

Darren moaned quietly and his hand sped up.

Chris was having trouble breathing. He needed to leave. He couldn't stay there, watching like a creep... but the sounds escaping from Darren's lips, so low, soft and desperate, like he was close, were keeping him frozen in place like a spell.

He could see the wet curls falling on his face and the air was filled with the scent of his shampoo. Darren groaned, his hand twisting a little on an upstroke, and then went still.

Chris hadn't realized he was grabbing the edge of the door, but he did now. His knuckles were white and they hurt. What was he still doing there?

Darren sighed deeply and, after a few seconds, the sound of water falling ended.

That was enough to put Chris back into action.

He turned around and fled from the bathroom, wondering where in the house he could hide for a while, or if he could maybe leave the country before Darren noticed his absence...

Darren had left a pair of shoes in the middle of his bedroom floor and, of course, Chris had to trip over them. Of course.

He fell with a thump and a muffled cry of surprise. Suddenly he found himself staring at the ceiling, still trying to force his brain to work. He needed to get up. He needed to get out of there before Darren caught him. He needed...

"Chris?"

_Shit_.

Darren's face appeared in front of him still wet from the shower. Some water droplets fell on him as Darren frowned down on him.

Chris blinked up at him blankly.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He asked.

"I'm f-fine," Chris babbled frantically.

A second of silence while Darren pondered. Then... "What are you doing down there?"

Why was Chris still lying on the floor? Why wasn't he buying a plane ticket to Tumbuctu? "I fell," he answered eloquently.

Darren bit his lip, amused. "Well, I can see that. I promise I won't leave my shoes in the way anymore."

Darren extended a hand to help him up and Chris took a deep breath before accepting it. When Darren pulled him up, the towel wrapped around his waist slid down a couple of inches. Darren managed to hold it in place just in time.

"Were you looking for me or...?"

Chris was _not_ staring at Darren's chest narrowing to his tiny, tiny waist. "What? Oh! Yeah, I was..."

"So... how can I help you?" Darren was looking at him weirdly now. He was probably concerned that Chris had hit his head again and rattled something else loose.

It took him almost a whole minute to remember why he had ended up in the bathroom watching Darren touch himself... _oh god, don't go there again_. "Ashley called. She, uhm, wants to know if we want her to come over for pizza and movies tonight?"

"Oh, sure! That sounds fun!" Darren smiled brightly.

He was much too naked to smile that brightly.

"Right, I'll..." Chris cleared his throat. "I'll go tell her. That it's okay. For her to come, I mean. To watch movies. And she wanted to make margaritas, so..."

"Good," Darren frowned as he watched Chris pratically raced from the bedroom.

When Chris was alone in his office again, he turned on his phone. There was a message from Ashley waiting for him.

**From: Ashley.**

**RUDE, Colfer. Don't hang up on me. Are we up for tonight or not?**

Chris took a deep breath before typing his next message in reply to hers.

_To: Ashley._

_Ashley, I think I'm gay…_

The screen flashed with a text from her less than ten seconds later.

**From: Ashley.**

**Oh, thank god.**

* * *

**Aaaaand there you have it. What did you guys think of this chapter? Review and let me know!**

**Thank you for reading, and I'll see you next week!**

**:)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone!**

**I've decided to update a little earlier. I've had a long week, and nothing's better than some fanfiction to start my weekend!**

**Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! I'm really happy with all the comments you've sent for the last couple of chapters :)**

**Thumbs up for the greatest beta in the fandom, Wutif. It was her birthday this week, so you should all go read her stories and send her nice messages!**

**I own nothing. Enjoy!**

* * *

Ashley thrust her empty Margarita glass into Darren's hand unexpectedly. "Yes, I'd love another one, please. You're a doll, Darren."

Darren looked down at the glass in bewilderment. "Uhm. Sure, but I didn't actually offer you a refill…"

"Are you going to be a gentleman or not?" She countered, pushing at his shoulder insistently until he finally walked out of the living room, glancing back over his shoulder in puzzlement. Ashley immediately turned to Chris, who was rolling his eyes at her.

"Subtle, Ash, really…"

"He's been hovering around since I got here and you keep giving me these looks. I know you don't want to talk about it in front of him," she whispered, leaning closer to Chris. "So he's gone now, so talk to me."

"This is really not the time…" Chris ran a hand across his face, half irritated, half frustrated, and entirely confused.

"Why don't you want to tell him you're gay?" Ashley insisted, her piercing eyes fixed on him.

"Because I'm not even sure I am yet!" Chris said, exasperated, throwing his hands in the air. "Maybe I just… had a moment? I don't know, Ash!"

"What kind of moment? What exactly happened to make you feel that way, baby?" Ashley put a sympathetic hand on his knee.

Chris felt the color creeping up his cheeks, but knew there was no escape. "I saw Darren while he was in the shower _being friendly with himself_, okay?"

She blinked at him for a moment before her eyes widened. "Oh my god, was he…?"

"Here's your drink, Ashley, oh queen of mine," Darren said sarcastically, as he walked back into the room, but paused as soon as he noticed Chris' crimson face, Ashley's gaping mouth and the weird tension in the air. "Okay… what did I miss?"

"I made an inappropriate comment about pepperoni and he got all red," Ashley said nonchalantly, immediately recovering and leaning back against the couch, reaching for her drink. "Which leads me to dinner. Let's order pizza. If I keep drinking without eating anything, I'm pretty sure I'll end up drunk, then probably try to convince you guys to join me for a threesome."

Chris groaned as Darren stared at her suspiciously, still as oblivious as ever. He turned to look at Chris. "I have to admit, sometimes I don't understand why you're friends with her."

"I don't remember why anymore either, but I guess that's no surprise," Chris said, downing the rest of his Margarita, as Darren dropped back on the couch.

"Hey!" Ashley smacked their arms. "Be nice to aunt Ashley, kids."

"That's even creepier," Chris closed his eyes, forgetting completely about the movie he had been pretending to watch for over an hour now.

"I don't want to even know what she said about pepperoni…" Darren reached for his own drink, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"Oh, but I can tell you, Eyebrows…" Ashley smirked.

Darren's cellphone, vibrating on the coffee table, fortunately interrupted her. He answered the call as fast as he could. "Hello!"

Chris glared at Ashley before pausing the movie so the background noise wouldn't bother Darren.

"What?" She mouthed, shrugging.

"You're unbelievable," he shook his head, sighing.

"_I'm_ unbelievable? You're the one who was peeking while he was…"

"Ashley!" Chris screeched shrilly, a little bit horrified.

Darren frowned, covering his free ear to block out the noise. "Wait, wait. What flight arrangements?"

Chris and Ashley stopped bickering to look at him when they heard the worried tone of his voice. Darren was listening attentively to whoever was on the other side.

"Oh, fuck, I can't believe I forgot about that! I know, I know. Things have been sort of crazy lately…" He said after a moment. "But… no. Listen. No. I can't do it. I can't go. You'll have to cancel… well, I don't know! Yes! I know I agreed to do it two months ago, but things have…"

Ashley and Chris exchanged a quick glance, but remained silent.

Darren finally sighed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. "Fine. _Fine_. I'll see what I can do. But no promises…"

He hung up a minute later and found the other two watching him closely. He sighed again, clearly unhappy about something, and that was enough to spike Chris' concern and curiosity.

"Dare? What's wrong?" He asked, moving to put a hand on his knee and then re-thinking his reaction when he remembered that he had seen (and heard, oh god, he had _heard_) Darren in the shower and why was he thinking about _that_ again, no, stop. It didn't help that Ashley was sitting there eying his hand with a smirk.

"I'm an idiot, that's what's wrong," Darren muttered, dropping his head back against the couch and lolling it to the side so he could look at Chris. "It was my manager. He wanted to give me the details for my flight to New York in two days."

"New York?" Chris' eyes widened for a moment.

"Yeah… I agreed to do a concert and a few interviews but with everything that's happened I sort of forgot about it, and now there's not enough time to cancel. My manager is more than a little bit pissed off at me right now for having to bail at this point." Darren bit his lip and looked at Chris apologetically.

"Darren…" Chris murmured, looking at him as if he was scolding a child for walking into the house covered in mud, but looking way too adorable at the same time for it to be effective. "I've told you already… I don't need a babysitter and I'm not going to be responsible for you damaging your career."

"But I've promised I'd stay with you and I…" Darren paused, staring into the distance for a moment. "Oh, fuck."

"What now?" Chris asked, frowning.

"You have a doctor's appointment on Monday morning," Darren buried his hands in his hair. "Shit, man, what am I gonna do about that?"

"Darren, I can take care of myself…" Chris assured him stubbornly.

"I'm not going to leave you alone for three days," Darren insisted. "What if something happens? What if you needed to go somewhere? What if…?"

"You can't stay with me forever!" Chris exclaimed, getting increasingly impatient.

"Why _not_?" Darren replied, a little too loud. His words echoed in the living room as they stared at each other intensely.

Ashley decided it was time to step in. "Okay, boys, no need to freak out. I'll come over and stay here while you're away …"

"I don't need a babysitter!" Chris said, through gritted teeth, about to lose his patience.

"Babysitter? Oh, Colfer, no. This is me taking advantage of the situation to come live at your house, to give me a chance to get my hands on that one bottle of wine you've been saving for months that has my name all over it. Then I'll probably sneak into your bed while you're asleep and cuddle the hell out of you," Ashley said, smirking.

Chris crossed his arms over his chest obstinately. "Why can't I have a choice about what I want?"

"You have a choice," Darren said, reaching for his hand and giving it a little squeeze. "You can stay here with Ashley, or I can call your parents and tell them to come down and stay with you until I'm back."

"This is unfair," Chris huffed. The doctor said he should have someone with him, so there was no point in fighting the inevitable.

Darren pulled at him playfully until Chris' head was resting on his shoulder. "I promise that as soon as the doctor gives her approval, I'll be out of your house. You won't have to see me if you don't want to…"

Chris' stomach twisted painfully at that. He snaked his arm around Darren's waist and moved in closer to him. "No. I don't want _that_."

"Okay, but do this for me, please?" Darren looked down at him, with his beautiful, pleading eyes.

And how was Chris going to say no to that?

Ashley pretended like she needed another refill even though her glass was still full. It wasn't like either of them noticed her leaving the room anyway.

* * *

Chris wanted to accompany Darren to the airport, but Darren immediately vetoed him, saying it wouldn't be a good idea since paparazzi were always lurking at LAX.

Chris was left feeling confused and adrift after he watched Darren walk out the door, but he made sure not to let it show on his face too much.

Ashley let him snuggle against her on the couch for a while, no questions asked.

* * *

As soon as Darren closed the door behind him in his hotel room, he dropped his suitcase and reached for his cellphone, dialing Chris' number and leaning against the wall as he waited.

"I knew it was you," Ashley's voice said after a few seconds.

Darren frowned. "Why are you picking up his phone? Is he okay? What's going on?"

"Relax," she said, chuckling. "He's fine. He just went upstairs to take a shower."

"Oh. Okay," Darren felt relieved, although he deflated when he realized he wouldn't be able to talk to Chris that day. He had so much scheduled to do… "Well, I… just tell him I called to say that I got here and the flight was alright. Just a little boring. And that I'll try calling again tomorrow…"

"Darren?" Ashley said, with a much glentler tone than usual. "Don't worry, okay? You'll be back in three days."

"Yeah, I know…" Darren answered, a little breathlessly. "I'm not worried. I was just, you know, checking how things were…"

"How long have you been in your hotel room?" Ashley interrupted.

"Uhm…"

"You called as soon as you got there, didn't you?"

Darren stayed silent.

"I knew it," Ashley chuckled.

Darren could feel heat rising in his cheeks. "I have to be somewhere in twenty minutes, so I better go. Bye, Ash, I'll call tomorrow, bye!"

He threw his phone on the bed and let his head fall back against the wall with a thump.

Three days suddenly seemed so _long_.

* * *

Chris sat in front of his computer, staring at the screen and the blank page, unable to come up with the right words.

He gave up trying to focus and grabbed his cellphone, opening the last text message Darren had sent him about an hour ago. It included a picture of him, standing in front of a large window that overlooked Times Square, and the words "_Interviews are boring, but the view isn't too shabby, isn't it?_" Chris had replied with a picture of Brian looking particularly cocky and a text that said "_Chris can't answer the phone, he's buying a plane ticket to NY right now_."

He sighed and looked back at the computer, knowing it was hopeless to try and get more work done. He could hear Ashley downstairs, doing god knows what, but even with the sounds that echoed into Chris' studio, he felt as if the house was empty.

* * *

The next morning, Chris was still half asleep when he went downstairs. He yawned and rubbed his eyes trying as he walked down the steps, but stopped abruptly when he made it into the kitchen.

It wasn't Darren who was making breakfast, humming and dancing around the breakfast bar as he cooked. Instead, Ashley was standing at the stove, her hair dishveled, with a cup of coffee tightly gripped in one of her hands as she flipped French toast in the pan with the other. She wasn't a morning person, clearly.

"Morning," she mumbled. "Coffee's still hot. Breakfast in two minutes."

"Okay," he said in a tiny voice, unconsciously reaching for the green mug Darren had been using for breakfast since he moved in, instead of the blue one he usually chose. He poured some coffee and sat on a stool, staring down at the dark wood of the breakfast bar with a frown.

They ate in silence, mostly because Ashley was still waiting for her caffeine to kick in and because Chris felt like he had nothing to say. He felt weird, uneasy in a way he hadn't felt since he had come to this house after being released from the hospital.

Ashley put her empty cup down and stared at him with narrowed eyes. "So… kicked puppy expression on in your face right now… is it because it's too early…"

"It's almost ten in the morning," Chris quirked an eyebrow, glancing at the clock hanging from the opposite wall.

"… or is it because you miss your bouncing, singing, cheerful little roommate, and I really do mean little, who also happens to like to shake one off in the shower?"

Chris dropped his head to bang it lightly against the breakfast bar. "_Ashley_."

"What? Did I say something that wasn't true?" She said, fluttering her eyelashes and trying to look innocent. "You still owe me that story, you know…"

"There's no story. No story at all," Chris protested, not even bothering to look up.

"But you clearly saw something that caught your interest," Ashley stood to pour more coffee into her cup. "Or else you wouldn't be questioning your sexuality. Which, by the way, you got right. The only reason I've never got into your pants is because I always knew that you like dick…"

"Oh my gosh," Chris peeked up, nose scrunching. "So I really am gay, then…"

"Yup. And believe me, I would grow a penis if I could to be with you, baby," Ashley said, so sweetly that ended up sounding plain creepy. She sighed and shrugged. "Well, Darren already has one, so…"

"Nothing's going on with Darren, okay?" He insisted, stubbornly, pushing his plate away since he had suddenly lost his appetite. "It was an accident that I walked in on him doing… _that_."

"But you miss him now, don't you?" Ashley asked, leaning closer to him.

Chris said nothing. He just let his eyes wander away from her.

"Knew it," Ashley clapped excitedly.

"I've been living with him for weeks. He was the only person I felt I could trust after I left the hospital. Of course I miss him," he stood up, forgetting about his half-eaten breakfast and walking out of the kitchen. "I'll just go write or whatever…"

Ashley let him go. She knew exactly where this was going.

* * *

Reaching for a towel to wipe off the sweat from his face at the end of his show, Darren immediately fished his cellphone out of his pocket. He had taken a lot of pictures during the concert and even recorded a couple of videos to show Chris when he got home…

Home.

His home wasn't Chris' house. He had an apartment, with a roommate who happened to be his best friend from college.

But if it wasn't his home, then why was he so desperate to go back there?

* * *

Chris was already in bed that night (a little earlier than usual, but he had a headache – writing wasn't going well and he couldn't take another second of Ashley trying to get him to talk about Darren or what he'd seen in the shower) when his phone started vibrating on his nightstand.

He was sure it was Ashley again, probably texting him to ask if he wanted to come downstairs and watch a movie (she had tried to lure him back downstairs several times already), but a smile spread on his face when he saw it was a call from Darren. He accepted it immediately.

"Hey!"

"Hi there," Darren's voice was soft in his ear. "How are you? I'm so sorry I couldn't call before. They've had me going from place to place pretty much since I got here…"

"Don't worry, I know you're working," Chris turned on his side and wrapped his free arm around one of the pillows to get comfortable. "And I'm okay."

"Just okay?" Darren seemed concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a little headache. Writing isn't going well and I think I tried too hard to force it," Chris shrugged even though Darren couldn't see him. "I'm in bed already. Hey, aren't you supposed to be sleeping? Isn't it like… two in the morning there?"

"Yeah, but I can't sleep," Darren sighed. "I guess I just needed to talk to you for a bit…"

The words hung in the air for a moment. They could hear each other breathing through the phone. Chris tried to pretend his heart wasn't pounding.

"How was the concert?" He asked, deciding a diversion would probably be better.

"It was great. People were really welcoming and warm," Darren answered, sounding more enthusiastic. "I took some pictures and videos for you."

"I can't wait to see them when you get home…"

Home.

There was that word again.

Home.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Darren's side of the conversation. "I can't wait to get back there again." There was a small pause, before he spoke again, a lot softer, as if he was whispering in Chris' ear. "Would you… would you mind staying on the phone with me until I fall asleep?"

Chris smiled sleepily, hugging the pillow a little tighter. He really liked that idea…

"Chris? Oh fuck, it was creepy of me to ask that, right?" Darren said, clearly panicking at Chris' silence. "I'm sorry, I'll just let you go now and…"

"Dare?" Chris murmured, voice a little muffled by the pillow.

"Yes?"

"Just relax and go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

The last coherent thought in Chris' mind before he was gone to the world was how nice it felt to fall asleep while listening to Darren's steady breathing filling the silence of the night.

* * *

Tapping his foot impatiently, Chris glanced at the pictures of the magazine Ashley was reading next to him, without really paying much attention to it. People came and went down the hallway, not paying attention to them, either.

He looked down at his phone and found yet another anxious text message from Darren inquiring about his doctor's appointment. He replied quickly saying he was still waiting and pocketed the phone, letting his head fall back against the wall.

"Nervous?" Ashley asked, without lifting her eyes from the magazine.

"I'm fine," he said.

"That's not what I asked, boo," Ashley put the magazine down and turned to him. "Anything I can do for you?"

"Not really. I just want to get this over with. All she's going to say is that there're no changes and that I need to keep waiting…"

"But there were changes," Ashley answered, reaching for his hand. "You remembered some stuff. That's important."

"It's not enough," Chris rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension.

"Stop being so hard on yourself," she said severely. "You're making progress…"

Ashley's pep talk was interrupted when the doctor called Chris to come inside. He stood up, taking a deep breath.

Ashley didn't let go of his hand yet. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

"No," Chris shook his head and tried to smile at her. "Thanks, Ash. I need to do this on my own."

"Okay. I love you, baby boy. I'll wait right here."

"Love you too, Ash."

Chris walked inside and shook doctor Malkin's hand, who greeted him with a smile, saying she was happy to see him.

"Take a seat, Chris. Let's have a little chat," she said amicably.

She asked him to tell her about the last few weeks. Chris tried not to leave any details out, even if he thought some weren't really important. He told her about remembering the book after having a dream, going to Clovis with Darren, recovering some memories about people from school, and about things going better with his family.

"This is wonderful improvement, Chris, wonderful," she said brightly, and she seemed genuinely happy to hear the news. "And how are things at home? Is your friend still living with you?"

"Yes. He's in New York right now, but my friend Ashley is staying with me in the meantime," he shrugged. "I don't go out much. Darren's a little concerned about the press, and I don't feel comfortable asking him to take me places all the time anyway…"

"Well, maybe taking some driving lessons would be good for you," doctor Malkin muttered, thoughtfully. "I really want you to start living a more normal life, even if some memories are still missing. I think you can begin going places on your own now. You just need to make sure you always have your cellphone with you so you can contact someone in case you need help."

"Really?" Chris' eyes went a little wide at that. He was suddenly being given freedom and he wasn't sure what to do with it.

She smiled. "Yes. And you don't need to have someone constantly with you anymore, so you can tell your friends they can go home."

The smile that had started forming on Chris' lips hesitated for a bit. Darren didn't need to live with him anymore. He thought of what Darren had said a few days ago, about leaving and not hanging out together anymore if that was what Chris wanted… but what if Darren really did disappear from his life once he knew Chris could handle things on his own again?

Chris walked out of her office five minutes later, with the promise to come back for another appointment in three weeks. Ashley immediately stood up, arching her eyebrows at him in a silent question.

"Everything's fine," he said, though he felt more confused than before his appointment. "She… she seemed happy with my progress, so…"

"That's fantastic, Chris. I told you there was nothing to worry about," Ashley grabbed his arm, as they walked to the exit together.

Chris felt his phone buzzing in his pocket again, but this time he ignored it. He needed some time to think before he talked to Darren.

* * *

Darren sighed in frustration before turning his phone off in response to the flight attendant's announcement. He had tried calling Chris several times, but he hadn't been able to reach him. He should've probably called Ashley, but he had run out of time and now he would have to spend the next seven hours biting his nails and worrying about what the doctor had said. Even if he knew everything was alright. Because it had to be.

He shifted on his seat and waited for the plane to take off. At least he would be home again soon.

* * *

It was late by the time Darren opened the door of Chris' house and stepped inside, careful not to be too noisy. Everything was already dark – Ashley and Chris had probably gone to bed hours ago, so he dropped his bags carefully, and took his shoes off.

He wanted to take a shower and maybe eat something that didn't taste like plastic like the chicken on the plane had, but there was something he needed more than that.

He made his way upstairs. The second floor was just as dark as the first, but he thought he saw a line of light under Chris' bedroom door. He knocked very softly before pushing the door open.

Chris was sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed. His hair was a little messy, and he was wearing the white t-shirt and blue pajama pants he always wore to bed. Brian was asleep on the foot of the bed, purring slightly. Between Chris' spread legs, there was a small cardboard box, and pictures were scattered on the floor all around him.

He looked up when Darren peeked into the room. He looked tired. "Hey."

"Hi, you," Darren smiled. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Chris nodded. "How was the flight?"

"There was a baby in the seat behind me," Darren answered. "Don't get me wrong, I love kids. But that one really fucking hated flying, if the way he cried for like four hours straight is any indication."

"Congratulations on not killing an infant, then," Chris said as he turned his attention back to the pictures he had been examining. They were all from the Glee set, from his very first episode.

"Mind if I join you?" Darren pointed to the floor next to him.

"Not at all."

Darren sat next to him. Their sides were touching slightly and Darren could feel the warmth of Chris' body everytime he moved to grab another photograph. "You didn't answer the phone today, or respond to any of my text messages, after your appointment."

"Sorry. Ashley and I grabbed a bite after I was done, and then by the time I noticed the missed calls you were already on the plane, so…" Chris shrugged as he organized the pictures in two piles.

Darren's jaw was tense. "You're not looking at me. Why aren't you looking at me? Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?" He was clearly well on his way to a mental breakdown and he didn't care. "I've been worried out of my mind about you all day, please…"

Chris bit his lip and finally turned to look at Darren. "Nothing's wrong, I swear. She actually, uhm. She actually gave me good news."

Darren didn't know he was holding his breath until he exhaled quickly. "Oh, fuck, that's great. What did she say?"

"That I should try living a normal life," Chris said, sounding a little choked up. Darren assumed he was just relieved to finally be allowed to be more independent again. "And that I…" His eyes fixed into Darren's, a little anxious, even a little watery. "I…"

"You, what?" Darren grabbed his hand without even thinking about it, squeezing his fingers in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

Chris swallowed, looking down at their hands and then back up to Darren's eyes. "She said I… can learn how to drive again."

"Really? Chris, that's amazing!" Darren smiled broadly. "Do you want me to teach you? I swear I'm a patient teacher, I'm not going to scream at you or anything!"

Chris laughed. "Yes, okay. You can teach me. You already offered once, so I was hoping the offer still stood…"

"Of course it does! It's going to be super fun, you'll see," Darren's grin was threatening to take over his entire face. "Did she say anything else?"

Only a few seconds passed. The pause was small and Darren didn't even notice Chris' breath stuttering a little.

"No," Chris finally said, his gaze now down on their hands again. "That's all she said."

"Good," Darren squeezed his fingers again. "What were you doing up so late?"

"Oh, I was just…" Chris grabbed one of the stacks of photographs. "You know, trying to prod my memory a little. But nothing's coming back from looking at these, so…"

"You're just tired. Why don't we look at these tomorrow? I can even tell you a few anecdotes, if you want," Darren smiled at him.

"I think I'd like that, actually," Chris smiled, too, before starting to put the photographs back into the box.

They stood up and Chris slipped into bed.

"I'm gonna go make up the couch to sleep …" Darren said, turning to move to the door, but Chris' hand grabbed his wrist, keeping him in place.

"I… the couch isn't comfortable enough. Why don't you… you can stay here with me," he stuttered. "If you want."

"I don't want to impose," Darren said.

"You won't," Chris bit his lip, his cheeks were a little rosy. "Just… stay? Stay here?"

Darren's fingertips brushed the inside of Chris' wrist, eliciting a shiver from the boy. "I'm not going anywhere."

Darren climbed on the other side of the bed. He didn't care about being on his jeans. He forgot about the shower and the food he had been longing for pretty much since he had left New York. He just slipped under the sheets next to Chris and scooted a little closer than he initially intended. Chris turned on his side and they were suddenly facing each other.

Darren thought he saw something flickering in Chris' blue eyes. He grabbed his hand where it was resting on the pillow between them, without even thinking about it. "Is everything okay, Chris?"

Chris smiled sleepily, his eyelids already falling. "It is now…"

They fell asleep with only their hands clasped, but if they woke up the next morning wrapped up around each other, they didn't say anything. They just smiled and pretended there wasn't anything unusual about it.

* * *

**Hope you liked this chapter! Please review :)**

**Have a nice weekend/week!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**L.-**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone! I hope you're having a lovely weekend.**

**Did any of you see Darren in concert this week? If you did, tell me all about it so I can live vicariously through you. If you'll see him in the next few days, enjoy! And if you, like me, are doomed to never see him live, here's a hug for you! **

**Here's some love for my beta, Wutif, for always being so amazing.**

**Enjoy! I own nothing!**

* * *

It was an established fact that Ashley wasn't a morning person. But even she noticed when she went downstairs to make breakfast the next morning, that Darren's shoes and suitcase were sprawled on the hallway floor but the couch was unoccupied.

Now, she hadn't had her coffee yet, but she was awake enough to know what that had to mean.

Narrowing her eyes, she turned around and climbed purposefully up the stairs again. Chris' bedroom door was closed, but she didn't bother knocking. She just opened it and went in. What greeted her was so disgustingly adorable that she was actually glad she hadn't had breakfast yet, or she would've ended up yakking all over Chris' relatively new carpet.

Chris was on deeply asleep on his back, with Darren wrapped around him, with his head on his chest. Chris' arms were tight around Darren, holding him close. The only disappointing factor in the whole thing was that they were both fully clothed.

Leave it to these two idiots to share the bed and do nothing but _sleep_.

"If you two didn't at least make out until you passed out, there will be no breakfast for you," she announced loudly. Both boys jerked awake, snapping their heads up to figure out what the hell was going on, as they blinked in disorientation. "I mean it. I want to see hickeys. Or some sticky underwear. Anything."

"Ashley," Chris said peevishly, his voice hoarse with sleep. "Get out of my room."

"Take your shirt off, Darren. I want to see what he did with that pretty mouth of his…" Ashley took a step toward the bed.

Darren leaned over the edge of the bed, his eyes closed again, and groped his hand blindly over the floor, as if looking for something.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked quizzically, burying his face in the pillow. This was _not_ an ideal way to wake up in the morning.

"Looking for a shoe to throw at her or something," Darren muttered, finally giving up and flumping face down on the other side of the bed again.

"Fine, fine," Ashley rolled her eyes. "I'll let you guys wake up and get in some morning cuddles. I'll see you downstairs. Take your time."

She winked before closing the door. She had just taken one step towards the stairs when she heard something thump againt it.

Apparently Darren had managed to find a shoe, after all.

* * *

As soon as he had the chance, Chris practically kicked Ashley out of his house. He loved her, he really did, but if he had to listen to her trying to sound innocent one more time as she asked Darren why he hadn't slept on the couch so lovingly made up for him, he would strangle her.

When they were alone, Darren eagerly tugged Chris down on the couch next to him, and showed him all the pictures and videos he had saved on his phone while he was in New York. Most of them featured Darren's face in extreme close-up as he explained to the camera (to Chris, really, since they all started with _hi Chris_!) where he was and what he was doing.

Chris wasn't sure they really needed to sit _that_ close for it, but he didn't complain.

* * *

That night, Chris went to bed before Darren. He wasn't proud to admit that, when he heard Darren was coming up the stairs to go to sleep too, he held his breath, wondering if Darren would come back to his room to sleep with him.

When he heard the door to the other bedroom closing down the hall, he sighed in resignation. He was being a fool. Things were already complicated enough. He didn't need to screw them up even more.

* * *

Darren dropped down on his bed, face first into the pillow, and kicked his feet like a spoiled child who had been denied dessert.

Things weren't simple. They just weren't. He couldn't just sleep with Chris every night and he couldn't hold his hand and he couldn't pull him into a long hug every time he wanted to. He couldn't mess with Chris' head even more than he had already.

To be honest, Darren's head was even more messed up.

And so was his heart.

* * *

They both looked tired the next morning, as if they hadn't been able to sleep well at all.

Neither of them commented on it. Darren simply pushed a cup of coffee towards Chris, and Chris dropped some extra bacon on Darren's plate.

Putting their issues into words would just make everything worse.

* * *

"Would you like to go to work with me again?"

Chris looked up from his computer screen. The same screen he had been staring at in frustration for almost an hour. "Why? Is it 'take your amnesic friend to work' day?"

"Chris..." Darren put his hands on his hips, looking like a father scowling at his child. "Don't talk like that, come on."

"Then, what?" Chris crossed his arms over his chest, belatedly aware his sniping at Darren was unwarranted.

"It has to be better than staying here and staring at that empty screen all day," Darren nodded towards the computer. "The more you force it, the harder it'll be to write."

Chris sighed in frustration. He knew Darren was right. "I'll find something else to do. I don't want to bother you while you work..."

"Oh, come on!" Darren smiled at him. "It'll be fun! I only have three scenes today and I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you! And we can stop by to pick up your favorite take out on our way back home!"

"Are you bribing me with food?" Chris quirked an eyebrow.

"Would it work if I was?" Darren smiled even wider.

Chris rolled his eyes and turned his computer off. "Fine. Let me shower and then we can go..."

"Yay!" Darren bounced a little bit on the balls of his feet.

"You're such a child, Darren," Chris said as he walked down the hallway.

Darren didn't seem to mind, since he kept bouncing all the way to the living room.

* * *

The set was a little more hectic than the previous time Chris had been there, so he didn't leave Darren's side until he found another familiar face. Lea was riding a bike around the lot and soon found one for him to ride, too. It turned out to be true, that you never forgot once you know how.

"How's everything going? We haven't had much time to talk lately," she said as they rode in circles, staying close to the make-up trailer where Darren was getting ready for his first scene.

"Okay, I guess," Chris shrugged, not far behind her. "Not much has changed. I'm gonna learn how to drive again soon..."

"That's great!" Lea smiled brightly at him. "You know, we should go out one day. Just the two of us. Maybe for lunch, if you'd like..."

"I'd love to," Chris smiled, too. "How's Cory doing?"

"He's fine. He's not here today," Lea pouted adorably. "But he's coming over to stay at my place tonight, so..." She winked.

The door to the make-up trailer opened and Darren walked out of it, with his hair gelled down. He was still wearing his own clothes, at least. He smiled when he saw Chris riding the bike and chatting with Lea.

"Hey," he said when Chris was close enough.

"Hey," Chris answered on his way by, flashing Darren a smile.

"Would you give me a ride back to my trailer so I can change my costume?" Darren asked.

"Sure, hop on," Chris said, stopping next to him. Darren perched sideways on the barin front of him, trapped between Chris arms as he gripped the handles. "It's not a white horse, but it'll have to do."

"You don't need a white horse," Darren said, turning his head to look him in the eyes. They were a little too close and Chris suddenly couldn't remember how to breathe.

Chris swallowed and nodded dumbly, before remembering he was supposed to be taking Darren to his trailer. He turned his head to say goodbye to Lea, but the girl had mysteriously disappeared.

Chris was starting to think Ashley wasn't the only one who was trying to push him and Darren closer.

* * *

When he arrived to the set with Darren, Chris was introduced to a few friendly cast members who all seemed happy to see him. He made an effort to not forget any of their names as he chatted for a bit. He took a seat on Darren's chair when the director called the scene to start.

He loved seeing Darren act. It was amazing seeing the guy he had gotten to know so well morph into someone else in just a matter of seconds. He had talent, Chris could tell. And everyone there seemed to adore him. Chris couldn't really blame them...

When the scene was wrapped, Darren pranced straight to where Chris was, smiling widely. Chris passed him a water bottle.

"Thanks," Darren said happily. He took a sip. "Are you bored?"

"Not at all," Chris answered. "I love watching you."

Darren quirked an eyebrow in a provocative leer. "Huh. Really, now?"

Chris' eyes widened. He remembered accidentally walking in on Darren in the shower and he felt his entire face going red. "Not like that!"

Darren barked out a laugh. "Chill, man. I'm just teasing you."

Chris' smile was a little tense this time. "Right."

"If you get bored, you can go to my trailer whenever you want," Darren told him. "Or we can try and find the keys to yours so you can go there."

"No, I'm fine. I'm having fun. I like watching all of this," Chris looked around. The lightning crew was setting everything up for a new scene, the cast was relaxing all around them, while having their make-up and hair checked. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. They enjoyed their job. Chris couldn't help but wonder if he enjoyed it just as much as the others. He hoped he had. It would've been a pity if he hadn't relished something so amazing.

Darren brushed a strand of hair off Chris' forehead delicately. "Good. I want you to have fun."

Chris managed not to nuzzle against his hand. He decided to call it a victory.

* * *

It was dark outside by the time they left. Darren drove patiently through the LA traffic as Chris chatted animatedly about all the things he had seen that day. He was like a kid after visiting Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

"Oh gosh, I'm talking too much, aren't I?" Chris bit his lip.

"No, no, Chris," Darren turned to face him for a couple of seconds.

"I am, though. You haven't said anything in like fifteen minutes and that's unusual for you," Chris replied. "I'm just excited. I think I really like seeing behind the scenes and all of that. I don't know how I felt when I was in front of the cameras, but this was really great."

Darren moved his hand from the gear stick to cover Chris' and squeezed. "I think you always liked that aspect. But I have to say... Chris, when you're in _front_ of the cameras, you shine like no one else."

Chris' smile was soft, happy, sweet. "Thanks for not letting me sit alone at home, scowling at my computer."

Darren squeezed his hand one last time before pulling it away. "Anytime."

They were silent for a few more minutes. And then Chris remembered something. "Hey. You mentioned we'd get take out..."

"I know, I know," Darren laughed, stopping at a red light. "I'm a man of my word, Colfer. I already called ahead to order our food and it should be ready to pick it up."

Chris sighed dramatically. "My hero."

Darren laughed again, and then took the next turn to get to the take-out place.

Chris couldn't help noticing the way his stomach twisted in guilt. He was lying to this man. He was lying to the one person that deserved nothing but the purest of truths.

He made sure Darren didn't see his face fall.

* * *

Darren had Thursday off that week, and decided it was the perfect day to give Chris his first driving lesson. He took him down the road from his house, where there were even less houses and all they could see on both sides of the street were trees and grass.

"You're doing this here so I don't have anything to crash into, aren't you?" Chris asked with his narrowed eyes.

"Hey, I'm just taking care of you. We don't need any more accidents," Darren said, raising his hands in front of himself defensively.

Chris thought of a thousand snarky replies to that... but he said none of them. He just looked away from Darren, ignoring the warmth spreading through him.

Darren held the keys in front of Chris' face. "These are keys. This one goes in a little key-shaped hole behind the steering wheel, which is that big, round..."

Chris snatched the keys from Darren's hands and glared at him. "Get in the car, asshole."

It was easy following Darren's instructions. Chris didn't know if it was because Darren was a good driving instructor or because deep down inside he remembered how to do this, but it still felt good. It felt good that Darren seemed to think it was necessary to put his hand on Chris' to show him how to change to the different positions on the gear stick, or on Chris' knee when he wanted to indicate which pedal he was supposed to press. Neither of them said anything about it, but Chris' insides started bubbling and he was sure he would end up exploding at some point.

They ended up a few miles away from Chris' house and decided to stop at a nice view to watch the sunset before going back. They had been out there for hours and they were both hungry and a little tired, but they didn't care. Darren's held a soft little smile that looked like it didn't want to leave his face.

They were sitting on the hood of the car. Chris looked at Darren and, for a moment, he seemed to be someone completely different. A rebellious curl was falling on his forehead and he was leaning back on his elbows, staring up at the sky with his big, gorgeous hazel eyes. He reminded him of a character from an old movie, the typical, beautiful trouble-maker who did nothing but cause complications and break hearts. And then he turned to face him, probably because he felt Chris' gaze on him, and smiled. And that smiled was so breathtaking that Chris just had to look away.

Chris' heart felt oppressed when Darren was driving them home. The windows were rolled down and the evening breeze filled the silence they couldn't seem to fill themselves. It was like Darren was waiting for something, and Chris was, too. He could feel it, choking him, shortening his breath, ready to explode out of him.

"Stop the car," he said at last, knuckles white from holding onto the edges of his seat. "Darren, stop the car."

"Okay, okay," Darren immediately pulled over, alarmed. "What's wrong? Are you going to be sick?"

"I'm gay," Chris blurted out.

Darren blinked calmly. "Did more of your memories came back?"

"No," Chris answered, closing his eyes. "No, it's not like that. I... It's not a memory. It's who I am. Now. It's who I am _now_."

Darren reached to grab his hand. "Chris, you were gay before the accident, too."

"I know. Ashley told me, but..." Chris shook his head. His eyes, now open, were fixed on the way their fingers were tangled together. "It's different. It wasn't a memory. It's just something I discovered about myself."

"Okay," Darren nodded. "Good." He shifted in his seat so he could face him completely. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," Chris said, although deep down inside he was a little scared of what that question might be.

"You just said you talked to Ashley about it..." Darren murmured. "So, that means you've known for a few days, right?"

"I started... considering it," Chris said, choosing his words carefully, "a couple of days before you left for New York."

Darren frowned. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

_Because I saw you naked in the shower and you were the one who made me question my sexuality in the first place_. "I wasn't sure," he replied quietly. "I needed time to think. And I... I... was a little afraid that you would... maybe stop being comfortable around me? I don't want anything to change between us."

Darren smiled in the sweetest way as he squeezed Chris' hand. "Don't you know me at all, silly? I don't care if you're gay or straight. Those things don't matter to me. You're the most incredible person I've ever met. _That's_ what I care about."

Chris smiled, too, and pulled Darren into a hug that was a little awkward as they had to lean over their seats. "Thanks, Dare."

"Nothing to thank me for," Darren said, booping his nose and making Chris roll his eyes.

"Can I ask you a question now?" Chris bit his lip.

"Sure."

"Do you know anything about... you know, my dating life before the accident?" Chris scrunched his face, as if willing the memories to come back to him. "Was there anyone I... liked? Dated? S-slept with?"

Darren turned to look back at the front. "No. To be honest, you've always been very private about your dating life. If there was someone special, Ashley is probably the only one who knows."

"Oh," Chris sighed and stared out the window. "Okay."

"Why are you asking?" Darren asked, curiously.

"I just... I have the feeling everything would be a lot clearer for me if I actually went out with a guy, at least once," Chris explained, and he sounded a little confused himself. "I think it would help me confirm that it's actually what I like, who I am, what I do."

"Go out on a date with me," Darren said suddenly, causing Chris' head to snap to the side to stare at him with wide eyes. Even Darren seemed a little shocked at his own words.

"What?"

"Go out on a date with me," Darren repeated, sounding a little more convinced this time. "I can show you what it feels like to go out with a guy on a date, to go through the experience, without you having to worry about finding a guy, or about having a bad time, or about any of the things that usually worry us when we want to go out with someone. You'll have the full experience without any of the stress."

Chris frowned. He wasn't seeing things any clearer. This was actually terribly confusing. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I want to," Darren shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. "So, what do you say?"

Chris was having a bit of trouble breathing. What Darren was offering... It wasn't real. It was a fantasy. It wouldn't be a legitimate date. It would be a fake date just to get the idea of it, just so he could see what it was like without having to go through any stress. But... was that what he wanted? Was that what he needed?

"Okay," Chris said, because he realized, with a pang of fear in his heart, that what he really needed... was Darren.

* * *

Ashley was pushing her cart down a supermarket aisle when her phone started ringing in her purse. She grabbed it as she considered the different brands of toothpaste in front of her.

"Hello!"

"Ash, hi," Chris' voice was soft. Too soft. As if he didn't want to be heard.

"Why so secretive?" She blurted, grabbing the toothpaste that had the least annoying commercials bombarding her on television.

"I'm not being secretive," Chris huffed. But he totally was. "I'm just... talking very... carefully."

"Where's your charming roommate?" Ashley asked, pushing the cart towards the vegetables area.

"He's downstairs."

"And you don't want him to listen to you," Ashley muttered.

"No."

"Why not?" Ashley stopped and frowned. She gripped the handle of the car tighter. "Did he do something stupid? Do I need to shave off his eyebrows in his sleep?"

"What? No!" Chris said, his voice raising a little. "Ashley... sometimes you're creepy."

"I'm not," she protested. "So... what did he do?"

"_Heaskedmeoutonadate_," Chris mumbled.

Ashley was on her way to grab a few apples, but scrunched her face in confusion instead. "Baby boy, I have absolutely no idea what you just said. Come again. In English this time."

"He..." She could hear him swallowing on the other end. This couldn't be good, could it? She forgot about the apples and turned to go find a razor. "He asked me out. On a date."

Ashley froze again. She almost crashed her cart into an old lady who was walking in front of her.

"And I may regret this later, but I need your help," Chris said, talking faster as he got more nervous. "I... I want to look really good. And I don't want him to have a bad time with me. I... need tips. And clothes."

"Hold it for a moment," Ashley said. "Let me get this again. Darren asked you out on a date."

"Yes."

"Darren Criss. Short. Curly hair. Sings and plays guitar all day."

"Yes, Ashley, Darren."

"Darren, who's living with you and who I found you sleeping with."

"Ashley, how many Darrens do you know? Come on."

"I'm sorry. I'm just savoring it," Ashley smiled wolfishly. "It just feels so good to be right..."

"Right about what?" Chris was clearly on his way to being very annoyed.

"Oh, nothing," Ashley clapped her hands in excitement. "Okay. I'll help you."

Chris sighed in relief. "Thank you."

"You just leave everything in my hands, baby. I'll make sure to have everything ready for you."

The smile was clear in Chris' voice. "What would I do without you?"

"Oh honey, I wonder the same thing everyday."

They ended the conversation when they heard Darren calling Chris down for lunch. Ashley put the phone back in her purse and pushed the cart in a different direction. Apparently the razor wouldn't be necessary, after all.

Instead, she grabbed an assortment of condoms and a bottle of lube. She was definitely the best friend _ever_.

* * *

**I hope you all liked this! Let me know what you think :)**

**Just a FYI, I have a very crazy few weeks ahead, so I may have trouble finding time to update, so please be patient with me. I'll do my best to keep the updates coming on Sundays, but sometimes it may take a little longer. I'm currently working three jobs and taking seven classes. Life's a little hectic. Thank you in advance for understanding!**

**Have a wonderful week! Thanks for reading!**

**L.-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! I hope you're having a wonderful weekend!**

**I wasn't going to update until Monday, at least, but I had to turn my computer on to get some work done and I knew I would feel bad if I didn't give you a new update. So, here it is. Hopefully I'll be able to update again next weekend.**

**Once again, I have to thank my beautiful beta who I would be an absolute mess without. So thumbs up for Wutif.**

**I own nothing! Enjoy!**

* * *

Their date was planned for Saturday night. Darren was supposed to have the day off from work so could spend some quality time with Chris on the date he had planned meticulously in his head.

But on Friday night he got a call from Ryan, asking him to be on set at 10 AM to reshoot a few scenes they weren't very happy with. Darren knew he couldn't say no, but he told Ryan he already had plans, so he would need to be out on time. Ryan assured him he should be done with time to spare. Darren still packed some clothes, in case he ran late. That would allow him to get ready in his trailer before picking Chris up for their date.

And that's exactly what did happen.

He still had an hour before he was supposed to meet Chris. He had just donned his favorite purple shirt and the jeans that flaunted some of his best assets. He was trying to do something decent with his hair without having to put the gallon of gel he had just washed out in the shower, when there was a knock on his trailer door.

He opened it to find Lea standing there. She had her purse on her arm, her sunglasses perched on the top of her head, and was typing away on her cellphone.

"Oh hey," she said, looking up at him with a relieved smile. "I'm glad you're still here."

"What happened?" Darren moved aside to let her in.

"My stupid car won't start. I have no idea why," she pouted. "I called Cory, but he isn't picking up his phone. Could you drop me off at my place on your way?"

Darren quickly calculated how much time he needed. He could still make it on time, right? He really didn't want to leave Lea stranded. "Of course. Just let me grab my stuff and we'll be out of here in five minutes."

Lea looked around while Darren put his other clothes in his bag. "Are you going somewhere? You look _very_ nice."

He smiled over his shoulder as he rummaged for some cologne. "Thanks, yeah, I... have a date."

"Good for you!" She grinned mischievously. "Who's the lucky lady?"

Darren pretended to be busy looking for his car keys hoping to stall her. Maybe he could distract her enough so she wouldn't ask any more questions.

He was wrong.

"You look a little nervous. I can't believe some girl can make the great Darren Criss, flirt extraordinaire, nervous," she teased, once they were making their way through traffic.

"I'm not nervous," Darren protested quickly, shifting uncomfortably on his seat.

"Yes, you are," Lea grinned even wider. "Where did you meet her?"

"I'm not saying a word," Darren said, turning the radio on. "Now be quiet or I'll leave you here in the middle of the street and you'll have to wait for your giant of a boyfriend to remember he has a phone."

"You're mean," Lea scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm happy for you and I want to know more about whoever has been putting that smile on your face lately."

Darren remained silent.

"Come _on_, Darren!" She bounced a little on her seat. "Tell me. I can keep a secret."

"Nope," he turned in a corner just as he realized if he wanted to make the stop he had planned, he would have to do it with Lea, or he wouldn't make it in time. He cursed under his breath. "I need to make a quick stop and you have to stay quiet through it."

She just smiled wider. Darren didn't trust her.

When he stopped at the first flower shop he found, Lea squealed.

"Fuck my life," Darren muttered, as he killed the engine and got out of the car. Unfortunately, Lea followed, still intent on being nosy.

"What are you going to get?" She asked, latching to his arm.

"Flowers, Lea," he answered drolly.

"Oh, you're such a smartass. I know _that_. What kind?" She stopped in front of a big bouquet of yellow brown-eyed daisies. "Those are pretty."

Darren frowned as he considered them. "They're too cheap and ordinary. I want something... bigger. Better."

Lea bit her bottom lip to stop her smile from fracturing her face. "Oh. I see. So this isn't just a simple date. It's an important one."

"Lea, shush," Darren said as the owner of the shop walked from behind the counter towards them. "Hi!"

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"I was looking for a nice bouquet. Maybe a dozen flowers, but... I'm still not sure what kind I want," Darren looked around, fidgeting with his wallet.

"May I ask the occasion?" The man asked.

"He's got a big important date," Lea replied grinning.

"Oh, well. What about roses, then? They can convey love, prosperity, passion..." He guided them to a corner of the shop dedicated exclusively to roses. "Girls love roses, and this lovely lady here can confirm that, correct?"

"Correct," Lea said, stepping closer to look at some coral roses in a vase.

Darren suddenly had an idea. "You don't happen to have any _blue_ roses, do you?"

"Blue roses?" The man quirked an eyebrow and so did Lea. It was a little creepy with both of them acting like he'd asked for something weird. "In fact, I do."

"I want a dozen of those, then," Darren smiled. "But please don't use any big bows or glittery paper or anything too fancy."

"I love big bows," Lea said, thoughtfully. "They make the whole thing look even more beautiful."

"It's a girly thing," Darren shrugged, as he walked to the counter, followed by Lea.

"Yes, so? And blue roses, really? That's sort of weird, isn't it? Why did you ask for blue roses?"

Darren was sure he would have a headache by the time he made it to Chris' house. He sighed, giving up. She would wheedle it out of him somehow, if it killed her. "Because blue is Chris' favorite color."

Lea blinked in astonishment for a few seconds, her eyes wide. "You..."

"Here are your flowers, sir," the man said, walking towards them with a beautiful bouquet. It was simple but stunning. The paper was transparent cellophane and there was a simple blue ribbon holding everything together.

Darren gave him his credit card before turning back to Lea. "Look, I know what you're going to say. But save it."

"You're going out with Chris," she said, still staring at him.

"Yes," Darren nodded and sighed in frustration. "Just... do you think you can keep this between us?"

"Only if you tell me what the hell is going on here," she murmured, as she followed him back out of the store. "You're not confusing him even more than he already is, are you?"

"No, I'm not," Darren got in the car and put the flowers carefully in the back seat. "Look, I... I like him. A lot. And I think there could be something developing between us..."

"Since when did this happen?" Lea asked, gesturing towards Darren. "You didn't say anything."

"Because I don't want to get all excited about something that may never happen."

"But you're going on a date with him," Lea seemed confused.

"Yes. He realized he was gay and wanted to know what it was like to go on a date, so I offered to take him out," Darren sighed again. The thought that this may not be as real for Chris as it was for him was sort of killing him inside. "This might be just… nothing."

"But you want it to be something..." Lea pointed out softly.

"And I also said I don't want to talk about it, so..." He closed his eyes as they were waiting at a red light. "Do you think you could not talk about it anymore? My head is already a mess and I don't want anything to go wrong for Chris tonight."

"Of course," Lea muttered, and she was quiet for the rest of the ride.

Darren's head, unfortunately, was not.

* * *

There were clothes scattered everywhere in Chris' bedroom, and he was about to kill Ashley.

"These are too tight," he complained, trying to wriggle his hips into a pair of black jeans.

"They make your ass look amazing, so shut up and put them on," Ashley said from the bed, where she was sorting through different shirts. "You'll thank me when he spends half the night staring at it."

"Ashley! I don't want him to stare at my ass!" He huffed. He looked in the mirror. Damn, he did look amazing.

"Well, he'll do it anyway. We all do," Ashley shrugged, completely serious.

"I hate you," Chris sighed. He moved to grab an undershirt but she stopped him before he could.

"No undershirts," she said.

"Why not?"

"You don't need one. Too many layers."

"I like them!"

"I'm in charge of your outfit tonight and I say you don't need one, sorry." She didn't sound sorry at all.

"I'm never asking you for your help to dress for a date again," he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, believe me, honey, you won't need it. If tonight goes okay, the rest of your dates will be spent without any clothes on at all," she smirked.

Chris avoided looking at her and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I don't think Darren feels that way, so..."

"Hey, this is real," she said severely, pointing at him. "You may not see it, but I do. This is a real date." Chris didn't say anything. Ashley handed him a long-sleeved, grey, fitted t-shirt and a black vest. "Now put those on. Grey makes your eyes pop."

After getting dressed, Ashley made him sit on the closed toilet lid and she carefully applied some mousse to his hair and shaped it perfectly. He made a mental note to take her out to lunch soon and thank her for doing this, because right now his stomach was churning nervously and he couldn't say a word.

She insisted he brush his teeth ("_What if he gives you a kiss as soon as he gets home? Do you want your first kiss to taste like those sour cream and onion chips you were scarfing down when I got here?_") when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Fishing it out was a challenge (the jeans were _really_ tight), but when he finally managed to do it, he saw it was a text from Darren.

"He's at the door," he said to Ashley, confused. "Why doesn't he come in?"

"Maybe he forgot his keys?" She said, shrugging. "Just go and answer it. I'll tidy up your room and leave once you're gone."

He hugged her tightly. "I love you, Ash."

"I love you more, Boo. Now go," she pushed him towards the hallway and he rolled his eyes as he made his way downstairs, checking he had his wallet, keys and cellphone with him.

He wasn't expecting what he saw when he opened the front door.

Darren was leaning against the car, looking down at his cellphone with a cellophane bundle tucked under his elbow. He looked ridiculously handome in his purple shirt, and Chris was relieved to see the jeans Darren was wearing were almost as tight as his.

"Hey!" Darren said with a huge smile.

"Hi," Chris smiled back at him idiotically. He couldn't help himself.

"Uhm," Darren fidgeted a little bit, juggling his phone and keys, and then presented him with the cellophane bundle. "These are for you."

Chris' breath hitched when the bouquet was practically thrust into his face. He held it, looking down at the blue roses with wide, amazed eyes.

"Y-you don't have to accept them if you don't like them, or…" Darren started saying, visibly anxious.

"Blue is my favorite color," Chris whispered. He looked up with a watery smile. "Isn't it?"

A thrilled sensation ran down Darren's spine. "It is."

"They're beautiful. Thank you," Chris reached for Darren's hand and gave it a squeeze. "And you look…" _beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, sexy, handsome, like a sex god_, "very nice."

Darren grinned happily. "You do, too. I like your vest."

Chris chuckled. His hands were sweating. "Thanks. I'll go leave these in water and then we can leave."

"Okay. I'll wait in the car," Darren squeezed Chris' hand one last time before letting go.

Chris went back into the house just as Ashley was coming down the stairs.

"He got you flowers?" She exclaimed, almost hysterically. "_Blue _flowers?"

"Oh my god!" Chris buried his face in the flowers, grateful that he had waited until the door was closer behind him to freak out. "Ashley! Oh my god!"

"What are you doing in here?" Ashley said, walking towards him. "Go back out there! Give me those, I'll put them in water!"

Chris handed the flowers to Ashley and took a deep breath before pulling the door open again and going out to get into Darren's car.

This night was starting a lot better than he had thought it might.

* * *

Music was playing softly from the stereo and the lights from the sides of the road reflected on the windows. Darren hummed to whatever song was on the radio, as Chris stared at the city passing by them. Neither of them seemed sure of what to say or do.

Finally, Chris noticed Darren was driving in the opposite direction he had expected him to. He had assumed Darren would take him to a nice restaurant downtown LA. He had imagined Darren would take him on a typical date, so Chris assumed that meant fancy restaurant plus movie or maybe a walk on the beach.

Apparently he was wrong.

"Where are we going?" He asked, frowning.

Darren turned briefly towards him to give him a smile. He seemed a little hesitant, though, as if he suddenly wasn't sure that his plan was so brilliant after all. "Uhm, there's a place I really like that I haven't gone to in a long time. I thought you might like it, too."

Chris smiled softly, trying to reassure him. "Have I been there before?"

"No, that's why I chose it," Darren answered. "I thought that instead of trying to get back past memories, you could make some new ones." He hesitated again, gazing quickly at him, biting his lip. "Is... that okay?"

Chris didn't allow his eyes to fill with tears. It would be such bad timing to cry right now. "It's wonderful. _You're_ wonderful, Dare."

Darren smiled, relieved.

Chris was still surprised when Darren parked the car, about twenty minutes later, outside a diner. It was a small, ordinary place that clearly needed to be repainted. There was a neon sign above the front door that said _Julie's_, although some letters were so worn by time that they were barely visible.

"I know it looks a little worn, but it's the inside what really counts," Darren said as he opened his car door. "Come on, I'm sure you'll like it."

Chris met Darren at the front of the car and was surprised by him grabbing his hand without a second thought, and weaving their fingers together to guide him into the little restaurant.

There weren't more than twenty tables and not even half of them were occupied. The wood-paneled walls had posters of old singers tacked to them, like Johnny Cash or Elvis Presley, and some of the local football team, too. It was noisy in there, with the clatter of forks on plates, an old jukebox playing at the back of the room, and a small television at the front.

It wasn't elegant or expensive or fancy, but as Chris looked around, with Darren's hand still in his, he could tell why he liked it so much. It was homey, it was comfortable, and it had a certain charm that none of LA's most exclusive restaurants could ever achieve.

"I know it's not much..." Darren started, clearly anxious since Chris hand't said a word.

"It's perfect," Chris grinned. He pointed to one of the unoccupied booths at the back. "Should we sit there?"

Darren nodded, looking at Chris in a way that could've been described as almost adoringly. "Of course."

Chris tugged on his hand until Darren followed, and they sat opposite each other at a booth by a window, reflected in the starry night outside. The music from the jukebox was covering the conversation from the other customers and the television closer to the counter, somehow making them feel all alone amid a crowded restaurant.

"Good evening, darlings," a woman, probably in her mid-fifties, with dark, short, curly hair had approached their table. She was wearing a white apron on top of a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt. "What can I get for you?"

Chris opened his mouth to ask if he could see a menu, but Darren jumped right in.

"We'll have two cheeseburgers with the works, a large order of french fries and two chocolate milkshakes," he rattled off, without a pause.

"Coming right up," she winked and turned to go to the kitchen.

Chris was quirking an eyebrow at Darren when Darren faced him. "So I don't get to order my own food during this date?"

Darren chuckled. "Oh, believe me, you'll thank me later. That's what I always had when I used to come here."

"Why did you stop coming?" Chris asked, leaning on his hand and looking at Darren curiously.

"I don't know," Darren shrugged. "Lack of time, I guess. It's easier to stop somewhere else than to come all the way here."

"How did you ever find this place? It looks as if it doesn't even belong here," Chris commented, taking another look around.

"It was on my first day in LA, actually. I'd just gotten here from Michigan and I was driving around looking for an apartment. I got lost and stopped for directions and... well, I stayed to eat and kept coming back," Darren looked around, too, as if remembering. "I guess fell in love," he added, turning back to Chris with bright eyes.

The waitress came back then with their food. Both the burgers and the fries glistened with grease and were probably terribly unhealthy, but it was the chocolate milkshake what caught Chris' eyes first. It looked absolutely delicious, with a crowning ball of vanilla ice-cream, a dollop of whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Maybe the tight jeans hadn't been the best decision after all...

"Well, come on!" Darren urged, as he reached for a french fry. "Take a bite! Try it out!"

Chris rolled his eyes at his enthusiasm, but did as he was told. He grabbed his burger and took a bite. "Mm!" He practically moaned. He swallowed quickly. "Darren, this is the best burger I've ever had!"

"I know!" Darren's face broke out in a grin. He dipped a fry in his milkshake.

Chris asked Darren how his day had been and Darren told him about the scene he'd had to reshoot while they ate. Then Chris told him he had made some progress in that chapter that had been giving him so much trouble writing. Conversation was easy. It was a date, but Darren had been right: there wasn't any stress. It was just _them_.

Chris took a last gurgling sip of his milkshake before pushing his empty plate away. He caught Darren staring at him with a half smile on his lips. "What?"

"Come here," Darren leaned across the table and Chris, a little wide-eyed and breathless at what this could be about, leaned in too. Then Darren used the pad of his thumb to wipe some whipped cream off the tip of Chris' nose, smiling. "There. All better," and then, without any previous warning, as if he didn't care that he was actually giving Chris cardiac arrest, he sucked his thumb into his mouth and licked the cream off it.

Chris couldn't take his eyes off of Darren's lips, of how they looked wrapped around his own finger or how full and pretty they were...

Darren scruched up his nose as he looked down at his hands. "I'm all disgusting. That's what I get from eating with my hands. I'll go wash up."

And just like that, he stood up and left Chris alone with a million and one thoughts swirling in his head.

After living with Darren for weeks, Chris knew now that he was just really flirty. It was part of who he was. But it was so confusing for Chris: was he really flirting with him because he wanted to, or because it was what he normally did with everyone? Were there parts of this date that were real and some that weren't? How was he supposed to know what was real?

Chris closed his eyes. None of this was _real_. Darren was doing him a favor. That was all it was...

The song that had been playing was cut off abruptly and Chris turned his head to the side to find Darren leaning against the jukebox and flipping through the music options there, finally grinning when he found one he liked.

_Johnny B. Goode_ started playing and Darren made his way back to the table dancing spastically. Chris laughed, forgetting momentarily about all the doubts choking him up inside. But, instead of taking his seat back, Darren grabbed Chris' hand and started tugging on it, trying to get him to stand up.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked, still laughing.

"I wanna dance, come on," Darren shook his shoulders and hips.

"You're doing just fine by yourself," Chris answered, amused.

"Don't be a party pooper. Dance with me. I know you can move those hips, Colfer," Darren winked and tugged again, and this time, Chris followed, rolling his eyes. "Whoop!"

Darren was a very good dancer. Chris didn't know if he had always been or if working on Glee was doing wonders to the way he moved, but he was graceful, coordinated and sexy, all at the same time.

They twirled each other around, laughing and singing along. Chris found that dancing wasn't so hard after all. His body seemed to know exactly what to do. He spun Darren into his arms and back out. For a moment he wished he had held on a little longer. It felt nice having Darren pressed against him...

"Told you that you were good at this," Darren said with a wink, as he twirled him around.

"It's not that hard when you have a good dance partner," Chris replied, chuckling.

It was Darren's turn to spin Chris into his arms, and at the very moment Chris' back hit his chest, the song played its finals chords. Chris could feel Darren's breath against his neck, and the warmth of his body all around him, as the music faded and the other sounds from the restaurant reached their ears.

"Stay right here," Darren murmured, and Chris shivered because his lips brushed his jaw when he talked.

But then Darren was gone, and when Chris turned to see where he was going, he saw him walking to the jukebox again. He flipped through the options for a few seconds, and then picked a new song.

_What am I to you  
Tell me darling true  
To me you are the sea  
Fast as you can be  
And deep the shade of blue _

Chris' breath hitched as Darren walked back to him. His hazel eyes were burning into his, and his hands immediately settled on Chris' waist, pulling him flush against him.

The soft music washed over them like a waterfall. Norah Jones' words seemed to be drilling into Chris' heart and head, as he felt Darren breathing against him. He had nuzzled his way onto Chris' neck and stayed there. The light stubble growing on his jaw was scratching lightly but wonderfully on Chris' skin, and the way his fingers were resting on his hipbones felt so good that Chris wasn't sure what to do.

So he did the only thing that seemed logic right then, and threw his arms around Darren's back, tugging him even closer, and pressed his cheek against Darren's temple, closing his eyes. He didn't know how long this burgeoning happiness would last, but he was going to enjoy it while he could.

_When you're feeling low  
To whom else do you go  
See I cry if you hurt  
I'd give you my last shirt  
Because I love you so_

If my sky should fall  
Would you even call  
Opened up my heart  
I never want to part  
I'm giving you the ball

Their feet were moving in their own accord, softly shifting them with the music, though neither of them worried about keeping a rhythm. Rhythm didn't matter. Not right now.

_When I look in your eyes  
I can feel the butterflies  
Could you find a love in me  
Could you carve me in a tree  
Don't fill my heart with lies_

I will love you when you're blue  
Tell me darlin' true  
What am I to you  
What am I to you  
What am I to you.

The song ended a lot sooner than Chris would have liked it to. Very slowly, Darren lifted his head, blinking at him almost sleepily. Chris was struck with how beautiful Darren looked in that moment.

Darren caused Chris' breath to hitch once again when his eyes flickered down to Chris' lips, licking his own as if he was staring at some dessert he had been craving for months. Chris' legs went a little weak, and he was grateful that Darren's arms were still around him, because he felt like he could've dropped to the floor otherwise.

He was sure, he was so _sure_, that Darren had just moved an inch closer, when a loud noise from the other end of the restaurant made them snap their heads to the side. A little girl had dropped her plate and it had broken into dozens of pieces against the hardwood floor. The waitress was already rushing towards the table to pick it up before the girl could hurt herself.

But the mood was shattered with it.

Darren emitted a breathless laugh and looked down at the floor as he pulled away from Chris' arms, who stood there a little lost and disappointed.

"What do you say to getting out of here?" Darren suggested, offering a gentle smile.

Chris smiled back, deciding Darren must have gotten carried away with the music. He could still feel the warmth of Darren's body enveloping him like a blanket. "Okay."

The good thing was, Chris thought as they walked out of the diner after paying the bill, that Darren immediately reached for his hand. Their fingers intertwined together effortlessly, and Chris felt that maybe the moment wasn't really gone yet. Maybe they would have another chance.

* * *

They decided to leave the car parked there and walk around a little bit. It was actually Darren's idea, but since Chris wasn't exactly ready to let go of his hand yet, he agreed.

There wasn't much particularly interesting to look at. Most of the shops were already closed, and the few that weren't, were cafés or supermarkets. But Chris suspected Darren knew where they were going all along, when he turned a corner and the lights and distant sounds of a video arcade filled the silence of the night.

"I should've known," Chris chuckled, as Darren tugged on his hand again, to lead him in the direction of the arcade.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Darren grinned happily. Chris knew he couldn't say no to him when he looked like that.

Most of the people there were families with little kids or teenagers. The different games echoed around them and Chris looked around at all the contrasting colors.

Darren reluctantly let go of his hand. "I'm gonna go get some change so we can play."

"Okay," Chris nodded. He started wandering around, looking at the different games and the kids playing and laughing in delight.

_Some change_. Chris snorted when he saw Darren coming back with a small bag full of coins, practically bouncing with pent up excitement as he approached him.

"What do you want to play first?" Darren asked enthusiastically.

"Whatever you want," Chris shrugged. He was just happy being there. "Lead the way."

"Okay," Darren seemed to take that as a hint to grab his hand again, and soon they were walking around the arcade, looking at the games until they found one they felt like playing.

They started with one where they had to throw balls into cans every time the lids lifted, then moved to one where they had to punch crocodiles when they crawled out of their holes, and then they played a car race. They kept moving from game to game, always laughing, always holding hands except when it was absolutely necessary to let go.

Chris stopped at a motorcycle race game and put his hand on the fake-leather seat. He frowned down at it. "You know, I think I've always wanted to have a motorcycle."

"I think that's true," Darren said, standing next to him and giving him a soft smile. "You do like risky, dangerous things."

"Maybe I should get one," Chris said, thoughtfully, and glanced to Darren for his reaction.

Darren chuckled. "Let's stick to the car driving lessons for now, and you can think about buying a motorcycle when you're done." He fished another coin out of the bag. "In the meantime…"

Chris smiled and slip the coin into the slot, taking a seat at the fake motorcycle, gripping the handles. If he closed his eyes and ignored the children screaming in excitement around him, it was almost like being on a real one.

Darren watched him, and once the first race was over, he slipped another coin into the machine so he could keep playing. The delighted smile Chris gave him in thanks made him barely able to stop himself from emptying the bag of coins into the machine.

After the third race, just when Chris was about to climb down from the game, Darren put his hands on his waist and kept him in place. With only one second of hesitation, he climbed on the motorcycle behind him.

"What are you doing? We're going to break it. It's not big enough for the two of us," Chris laughed.

"Yeah, it is," Darren scooted closer, pratically glued to Chris' back. "Take me for a ride."

"What?" Chris asked, frowning, confused.

"Take me for a ride," he put one more coin in the slot. "Forget about the race and the game. Pretend we're out in the street in your brand new motorcycle, and take me for a ride."

The graphics from the game were far from realistic, but as Darren pressed himself closer to Chris' back, Chris took a deep breath and felt like they weren't inside a noisy arcade, but out there, with the world at their feet and nothing stopping them from going wherever they wanted to.

He grabbed Darren's hands from where they were resting on his waist and made him wrap his arms around him instead. He turned his head slightly to look at him, hardly containing the gasp when he realized how close they were. "Hold on tight," he murmured. "I like speeding."

It was distracting how nice Darren smelled, and how his breath kept heating his neck right under his ear, and how his fingers twitched against his stomach every now and then, especially when he turned on a close curve, as if Darren was afraid they would get hurt. It all felt so real right then, like two different worlds were mixing and blending and blurring.

Too soon, the words _game over_ flashed on the screen before it went back to the main menu. For a moment, they sat there, breathing together, neither daring to speak or to move.

"That was fun," Darren finally whispered. "We should do it again some time."

Chris tilted his head just enough to be able to look at him. "Maybe in a real motorcycle next time."

"We'll see about that," Darren smiled.

They were so close.

Darren's breath was now wafting to the corner of his mouth and he could, once again, see his hazel eyes travelling down to stare at his lips. Chris turned his upper body just enough to give him better access and…

"Excuse me, guys."

They both snapped their heads to the side. A man in his thirties, wearing the arcade's uniform, was standing behind them with disapproval written on his face.

"The game is for one person at a time, so you have to take turns, boys."

"Oh, yes, sure, sorry!" Darren immediately said, pulling away from Chris and standing up, before helping Chris do the same. "I'm sorry, man."

"It's okay," the man nodded and walked away, to deal with some other kids bashing a controller.

Chris watched him with narrowed eyes, getting annoyed. Why did people have to keep interrupting them every time they were _that_ close?

Darren cleared his throat. "So…"

"So…" Chris swayed back and forth on his heels.

Darren sighed in defeat. "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

Chris did his best to hide his disappointment. "Okay…"

While he waited for Darren, he wandered around again, until he found a game that caught his eye. He walked straight to it and slipped a coin into the slot. When he lost, he put in another one. And then another one. And another one.

"What are you doing?" Darren asked from behind him and Chris startled, losing again.

"Damn it," Chris said frustrated. "This is hard."

Darren looked into the machine at all the teddy bears and plush toys. "That claw is a bitch. How many times have you lost so far?"

"Ssh, I'm not counting," Chris nudged him away with his shoulder as he put another coin in.

"I'm sure you are…"

"I'm not…" Chris gritted his teeth as the claw missed and closed on empty air. Again.

"What are you trying to get?" Darren asked, turning to look into the machine from another angle.

"That brown teddy bear in the back," Chris pointed at it.

"It's too close to the glass," Darren said, thoughtfully. "You should try for a different one."

Chris fished out another coin. "But I liked that one. He has cute eyes…" He directed the claw to it again, but involuntarily pressed a button and the claw went down. "No! I don't want… oh, hey, look, it caught something!"

Chris clapped as he waited for the claw to drop what it had caught and then he grabbed it from the hatch. It was a white lamb with a pink bow around its neck. It wasn't what he wanted, but it was still cute.

"See? The other one was too close to the glass," Darren said as he stood next to him.

Chris offered him the little lamb. "Here."

"Wh-… it's for me?" Darren asked, his eyes going wide.

"Well… you got me flowers, so I thought…" Chris bit his lip, hesitant. "It's okay if you don't want it. I can give it to Ashley. Or I…"

Darren grabbed the lamb and held it to his chest lovingly. "I love it," he leaned and kissed Chris on the cheek, both of them blusing like school boys. "Thanks, Chris."

"You're welcome," Chris smiled shyly.

Darren let his hand trailed down Chris' arm until he could lace their fingers together again. "Do you want to go home yet?"

Chris didn't want this night to end, ever. But he thought Darren was probably tired after working most of the day. He nodded. "Yeah, let's go home."

* * *

The drive back to Chris' place was nice. They were relaxed and happy, and even though there was something unspoken hanging over their heads, a tension that neither of them dared to mention, the date had been so great that nothing could change that.

Darren had his lamb on his lap (he had claimed her name would be Rosie Cotton, because she looked like a ball of cotton and because he was the biggest nerd ever) and Chris couldn't help but glance at him every couple of minutes, entranced. He had known Darren was adorable for a while now, but the man still surprised him every day.

It was just past midnight when Darren finally parked the car on Chris' driveway and they both climbed out. All the awkwardness returned at once as they walked towards the front door.

"Well, this is the typical part of the date when a gentleman walks his date to the door, but I'm afraid we're going to skip that and I'll come right in with you," Darren said, laughing, but there was a nervous trace in his voice that he couldn't hide.

"Who said I was going to invite you in, huh?" Chris teased, applauding himself internally for not sounding as nervous as Darren.

"Well, even if you don't want me to, I have my own keys, so..." Darren stuck his tongue out at him and Chris faked a scandalized gasp.

Once they were inside, though, all teasing died. The silence of the house washed over them as they stood in the hallway, unsure and awkward.

"Thank you so much for doing this, Dare," Chris said softly. "It was a wonderful night."

"You don't have to thank me," Darren answered, smiling. "I had a lot of fun too. It's probably the best date I've ever had."

"Really?" Chris' eyes went a little wide.

Darren squeezed his hand. "Of course. I had amazing company."

Chris melted a little bit as he stared into Darren's hazel eyes. He took a deep breath and stepped closer. "Darren?"

Darren seemed suddenly mesmerized by Chris' eyes. "Yes?"

_Say it, just say it_, Chris thought, knowing he would hate himself if he didn't find the courage to do this. "Would it be okay if I... kissed you now?"

The word left Darren's lips in what almost sounded like a sigh of relief: "_yes_."

Chris' heart stopped beating, incredulous, for a second. He had braced himself for Darren saying a kiss was out the question. A kiss was too real, and their date hadn't been real...

But he'd said yes.

Willing his heart to stop pounding furiously against his ribcage, Chris took another step towards Darren. This could be his only chance to do this, and he wanted to do it right.

He cupped Darren's cheek first, losing himself in Darren's big, warm hazel eyes. He let his thumb trace his jaw, then his cheekbone, then an eyebrow. Chris studied Darren's face, staring at him entranced, in absolute awe of how beautiful and open Darren looked. Darren's chest was rising and falling unevenly as he waited with his lips parted.

Chris' hand moved slowly to Darren's hair and ran his fingers through it, loving how the curls tried to tangle around them. He stopped at the back of his neck, and then gently pulled Darren towards him as he leaned to capture his mouth in his.

Slow as it was, Chris still wasn't ready for the rush of feelings flickering down his spine, all the way down to his toes, curling them inside his shoes. He wasn't ready for Darren's sharp intake of breath as he started to kiss back, or for the sweet, intoxicating taste of Darren that suddenly flooded his mouth as they kissed a little deeper.

He also wasnt't ready for the rush of sudden memories burning into the back of his mind, trying to spill out and break through...

_You move me..._

_I missed you so much..._

_Just... come here..._

_It's not silly..._

Chris pulled away with a gasp. He stared at Darren with his eyes wide open, and moved one hand to his lips, shocked. Darren blinked slowly, as if it was too difficult for him to focus on anything right now. And then he saw Chris' face.

"Was that... not okay?" He asked, biting his lip, sounding a little hurt.

"We've kissed before, haven't we?" Chris said instead, still shocked.

"What?" Darren was too confused to put the puzzle pieces together.

"I... I remember you kissing me before. Several times. You were wearing a blue blazer and then..." Chris stopped trying to get the other images clear, but they had rushed by so quickly...

"Oh!" Darren finally seemed to catch up. "Yes. That's... I play your boyfriend on the show. Blaine is Kurt's boyfriend."

"That... makes sense," Chris tried to calm his breathing. He was still standing very close to Darren and Darren's eyes kept going back to his lips.

"I... I liked it. This. Kissing. With you." Darren mumbled dumbly.

Chris chuckled nervously. "I liked it, too. I know it's not my first kiss, but it feels like the perfect first kiss..."

Darren grinned, sliding his hand around Chris' waist. "Do you want to see if we can make your second kiss just as perfect?"

Rosie Cotton was unceremoniously dropped to the floor when Chris practically launched himself into Darren's arms.

* * *

**Song included in this chapter is "What am I to you" by Norah Jones. I obviously don't own it.**

**I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think, and please review! Was the date everything you were waiting for? :)**

**See you guys next week! Thanks for reading!**

**L.-**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everyone :)**

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews you sent me for the previous chapter. I'm glad you all enjoyed Darren and Chris' date. I had a great time writing it!**

**Did any of you get to see Chris or Darren this week? If so, feel free to share your experience with me so I can live through you! :P**

**I own nothing! Enjoy.**

* * *

The insistent buzzing of his cellphone woke Chris up the next morning. He reached for it blindly. He could barely move to retrieve it, weighted down by Brian, curled up on the small of his back.

There were seventeen messages, all from Ashley. He groaned again, this time for a very different reason as he scrolled through them.

_(8:23)_

_Good morning, lovebird!_

_(8:24)_

_I don't care if you're asleep. I don't care if Darren is asleep next to you. I *need* to know what happened last night._

_(8:27)_

_Oh my god, he's totally in your bed right now, isn't he?_

_(8:29)_

_Can you take a picture of his ass? I need it for science._

_(8:30)_

_I'm serious._

_(8:36)_

_You know I'll keep texting you until you wake up, right?_

_(8:40)_

_Where did he take you? Did you go dancing? Did you guys grope each other in the middle of the dancefloor, all sweaty and hard?_

_(8:45)_

_You did, didn't you? Colfer, I'm so proud of you._

It was way too early to deal with that. Chris scrolled to the newest message and decided to ignore all of the others, though that one was worse than all the others.

_(9:14)_

_Did you find the lube and condoms I left in your bedside table or did Darren come prepared?_

Brian hissed in annoyance when Chris sat up, suddenly fully awake, haughtily picking his way off the bed as Chris frowned at the screen.

_To Ashley:_

_YOU HID LUBE AND CONDOMS IN MY BEDSIDE TABLE?_

He buried his face in his pillow. He loved Ashley to death, but he really wanted to strangle her right now.

_From Ashley:_

_Well, good morning! And yes, I did. You're welcome. Was Darren's butt slippery enough to satisfy your expectations?_

Chris blushed down to his chest, even though he was alone in his bedroom and there was no one to see him, for which he was grateful. He forced himself not to let his head fill with images of any part of Darren's ass.

_To Ashley:_

_I hate you .Just for that, I'm not telling you anything at *all*._

He let his phone drop to the mattress, refusing to play her games but there was no way he was falling back asleep after that. The house was completely silent, so that meant Darren was still in bed. Chris closed his eyes as his phone buzzed again, probably from Ashley, but he didn't check it. Instead, the corners of his mouth stretched his lips slowly, as he replayed the events of the night before.

The second kiss was followed by a couple more, long and deep, as Darren held him against his chest as if he was afraid Chris would disappear if he loosened his grip. Chris hadn't had any complaints, really. He had enjoyed the feeling of Darren's body, so solid and real against his.

"If I don't let you go to your room now, I probably never will," Darren had whispered, his lips still trailing over Chris', sending shivers down his spine.

It had been so hard to pull away from Darren's warmth, but Chris knew he couldn't push too far, too soon. He'd just had a wonderful date with a wonderful man who also happened to be his best friend, and then they'd shared that kiss, bringing back a rush of memories, with more kisses to follow. He knew he needed some time alone, time to process things. He hadn't been sure either what might have happened if he'd kissed Darren one more time.

He had looked over his shoulder several times as he climbed the stairs to the second floor, biting his lip, elated to find Darren was still staring after him.

"Good night," he'd whispered at the top, allowing himself just one last look at the beautiful man that had made this night absolutely unforgettable.

Darren had smiled tenderly. "Sweet dreams, Chris."

And how could his dreams be anything but sweet when his heart was ready to burst its seams with happiness?

Chris turned to lie on his back, his arms stretched over his head to stare up at the ceiling, trying to recall every moment of last night. He still didn't know if their date had fundamentally changed anything between them, but at least he had confirmed for sure that he was gay. That was a big enough step, for one day.

But before disentangling any other mysteries hidden in his memory (or maybe his feelings for the man sleeping two doors down the hall), he allowed himself to do what he had been to tired to do the night before, when Darren might have caught him.

He flailed, kicking his feet against the mattress, closing his eyes, and parting his lips in a silent exclamation of pure joy.

* * *

Chris had managed to regain his composure, shower, and get a start on breakfast by the time Darren appeared in the kitchen, summoned by the scent of the sizzling bacon Chris was flipping in the pan. Chris could hear him yawning, as he padded, barefoot, across the cold floor.

"Morning," Darren mumbled sleepily.

"Good morning," Chris replied, happy to have something to distract himself with. He wasn't sure if he could hide how anxious he was to hear what Darren thought of their date.

"Mm, it's like you read my mind," Darren said, slipping behind him and nonchalantly dropping a quick kiss to the crest of Chris' shoulder, as if it was something they did every morning. "I was just thinking how much I wanted some bacon."

Chris couldn't control the little quiver in his voice as he tried to chuckle with the same casual detachment and failed miserably. "That's gr-eat."

"Hey," Darren whispered, as he snaked an arm around Chris' waist. Chris almost missed the pan's handle, a little startled. "There's no reason to be nervous, you know. It's just us."

Chris inhaled a shaky breath and then nodded, tilting his head slightly to look at Darren. His curls were a mess, stubble was starting to show on his face, and he still looked bleary, like he could use a couple more hours of sleep.

He was stunning.

"You're right," he muttered, squeezing the hand that Darren had placed on his side with his, just for a second. "Would you like some scrambled eggs, too?"

"Yeah, but I'm on it, don't worry," Darren answered, and just before pulling away, he dropped one more kiss on Chris' shoulder.

Yeah, it was just _them_, but if it was a new kind of_ them_, Chris wasn't exactly opposed to the idea, not really.

* * *

They didn't kiss again, but that didn't mean there were no changes.

There were soft touches that hadn't been there before. Hands that held just a little longer than he expected. Fingers brushed their skin lightly as if it wasn't a big deal, as if it wasn't sending shivers down their spines.

And then there were lingering glances that ended in smiles and in blushes and playful nudges, wrapping a blanket of warm caring around them, even when they were across the room from each other.

Chris wasn't disappointed. Not really. It felt like something was unfolding between them, and he couldn't wait to see what it grew into.

* * *

Later that day, they were sitting next to each other on the couch, Chris flipping the channels for something worth watching, when the doorbell rang, followed by a clearly impatient, loud knock. Frowning, Chris passed the remote to Darren and stood up to see who it was.

Chris opened the door, all but elbowed out of the way by Ashley barreling past him, carrying a couple of bags and a big purse. She followed the sound of the television to the living room, completely ignoring Chris, who was trailing behind her, eyebrows all the way up in his hairline.

"Hey, Ash, what's…" Darren started saying, but he never got to finish the sentence.

She put her bags down on the coffee table and then grabbed his arm and made him stand up. "Chris and I are having a sleepover. You need to leave."

"I…" Darren looked at Chris, hesitantly. "Why can't I stay for the sleepover?"

"Because I say so," Ashley replied with a smirk. An immutable force, she placed a hand on his forearm and started aiming him for the door.

"But… hey, wait!" Darren jerked his arm free and ran to hide behind Chris, staring at her over his shoulder, pouting. "Why do I have to leave? I won't interrupt you or anything. I can stay in my room, if you guys don't want me in here…"

"Of course we want you here!" Chris said immediately, glaring at Ashley as if she had just kicked his puppy.

"No, we don't," Ashley insisted, as she grabbed one of Darren's jackets from the closet next to the door and shoved it at him. "Now you, out."

"Ashley!" Chris huffed, smacking her arm.

Darren rolled his eyes and put his jacket on. "It's okay, Chris. I'll just stop by to see Joey for a while."

"Are you sure?" Chris turned to him, biting his lip. "We can kick her out instead…"

"I'd like to see you try," Ashley snorted, hands poised on her hips in a challenge, but they both ignored her.

"Yeah, I'm sure. You two have fun," he leaned in to peck Chris' cheek quickly. "Call me if you need anything?"

"I will," Chris said softly, pretending he didn't feel the blush flooding his face, or Ashley's penetrating gaze taking it in. He walked Darren to the door. "See you later, Dare."

Darren just winked at him before slipping into his car and turning the engine on. Chris closed the door and turned to Ashley, crossing his arms over his chest with a very unfriendly expression on his face.

"That was rude, Ashley," he said.

"You know what was also rude? You not replying to my texts today," she answered. "So I decided to invite myself over for a little sleepover so you could tell me everything going on with you and Darren."

"What makes you think I'll tell you anything now, huh?" He asked, stubbornly.

Ashley fished a box out of one of the bags she had brought and flipped the cover up to show him the sugary delights inside. "I bought some of your favorite cupcakes."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you make it really hard for me to stay mad at you."

Ashley barked a laugh as she gently pushed him back into the living room.

* * *

It felt weird to use his key after living with Chris for so long. Darren entered the apartment he shared with Joey and it didn't feel like he was coming to his own home. He felt like he was just visiting a friend.

He shook the thought away, as Joey stepped into the hallway to see who was coming in.

"Oh, wow!" Joey exclaimed, a hand dramatically held to his chest, as he leaned against the wall as if he wasn't sure his legs would hold him up. "Look who's here! I must be seeing things! It can't be possible! The ghost of my past roommate!"

"Shut up, you asshole," Darren laughed, pulling his best friend into a hug. "Are you busy or would you like to go out for a couple of beers?"

"No, I'm not busy," Joey answered, patting his back with a smile. "Let me grab a jacket, okay?"

Darren nodded as he looked around the familiar but strange-feeling apartment, waiting for his friend.

No. Home was somewhere else now.

* * *

It didn't take Ashley very long to turn Chris' living room into the perfect headquarter for their sleepover. She got Chris to help her push the couches against a wall. The cleared space in the middle had been replaced by mattresses topped by a nest of blankets and pillows. The big flat-screen TV was on, playing some mindless reality show that neither of them was really watching, and bags of chips, Doritos and other junk food were scattered on the floor next to their makeshift beds. Chris pulled Brian onto his lap to keep him away from the snacks. The cat settled on him grudgingly, his eyes fixed on the bags, plotting to make a run for them as soon as the two humans got distracted.

Ashley lowered herself next to Chris, now changed into her purple pajamas, and reached for a bottle of Diet Coke. "So…"

Chris scratched the back of Brian's ears. "What?"

"Don't play dumb. Just give it up about the date," she said, rolling her eyes and grabbing a pillow to hug against her chest. "And I want _all_ the details."

Chris sighed and popped a Dorito into his mouth. "I don't know what you expect me to say…"

"Let's start with where he took you? Was it nice?" Ashley asked and immediately a dreamy smile made its way onto Chris' face.

"Yeah. It was wonderful…"

* * *

Darren followed Joey into their usual bar. It was the right kind of noisy and full and they served Darren's favorite beer. They grabbed a seat at the end of the bar, since all of their usual tables were occupied.

There was a football game playing on the TV behind the counter, and for the first few minutes, they simply sipped their drinks and watched it, perfectly comfortable with the silence between them, in that way only really good friends are ever comfortable without exchanging any words.

Darren had started drawing random patterns onto the wooden countertop where his beer bottle had left a ring of wetness when Joey finally turned to him.

"So… are you going to tell me what's on your mind?" He asked, knowing Darren well enough to know they weren't just here to hang out.

"What makes you think there's something on my mind?" Darren shrugged and took another sip of his drink.

"Well…" Joey smiled crookedly at him. "You're only this quiet when something's eating you up inside. So, what is it?"

Darren sighed, emptied his bottle with one last swig, and gestured for the bartender to give him another one. "It's Chris."

Joey's smiled disappeared and his face became very serious in just a matter of seconds. "How is he doing?"

"He's okay. Better, I guess," Darren answered. His eyes moved to the screen of the television for a moment, absently watching a particularly impressive play. "Some of his memories are coming back, and he's a lot more sociable now. He isn't as scared as when this whole thing first started."

"Then, what's the problem?" Joey put his beer down. "Is living with him starting to get you down? Are you two not getting along?"

"Oh, no, we're getting along really great, actually," Darren shook his head. "That would never be a problem."

Frowning a little, Joey sat up straighter and studied his friend's profile. "Then I'm afraid I have no idea how to help, man."

Darren chuckled a bit. "I've never said something was wrong. I would actually say things are going… well, _too_ well."

"How well exactly?" Joey asked, suspiciously.

"I took him out on a date last night," Darren replied, the words bursting out in a bit of a hurry, as if he was unsure of how the other man would react.

Joey arched an eyebrow and then stayed silent for a couple of minutes, absorbing that revelation. He ordered another beer, and only after the first sip did he respond. "And are you going to tell me how it went?"

Darren ran a hand through his messy curls and a sheepish little smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah. It was wonderful…"

* * *

Ashley passed Chris the bag of chips after she grabbed a handful. Her eyes were fixed on him, as she hung on to his every word, as if she was afraid she would miss any details if she dared to blink.

"What happened after that?" She asked breathlessly.

Chris would've laughed at her obvious enthusiasm, but he was too busy fishing out a few chips to look up at her. Or maybe he was just trying to hide the blush he knew was coloring his cheeks. "Well, we drove back here and he joked about how he would normally walk me to the door to say goodnight, but tonight he was just going to come right in with me." He fidgeted a little. Every time he thought about what happened after they closed the door behind them, his stomach twirled and jumped and _sang_. How could his stomach _sing_? "So… we came inside and I thanked him for the great time I had on our date."

Ashley leaned so far forward with anticipation, clutching the pillow tighter, that she was nearly in his lap with Brian. "And then?"

Chris let out a sigh and his blue eyes finally met hers. "And then…"

* * *

"… and then he asked me if he could kiss me," Darren finished, biting his lip as soon as the words were out of his mouth, with a side glance to judge Joey's response.

Joey choked on the swig out of his beer that he had just taken. "_What?_ What did you say?"

Darren suddenly seemed very interesting on picking the corner of the label on his bottle.

"Darren!" Joey smacked his arm. "Just tell me! Did you say yes?"

Darren held his breath for a moment and then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I said yes."

"Really," Joey's eyes went a little wide. He didn't say it as a question, more like he was just surprised. Then he gave a little shrug, offering Darren a way out if he wanted to take it. "Huh. Well, I guess it isn't something totally new, right? You've kissed him before. For work, and you said it was no big deal. And it kind of made the whole dating experience more real, right?"

"But that's the thing," Darren said, turning a little on his stool so he could face his friend. "It _was _real, Joey. Everything about that date was real."

"What do you mean?" Joey asked, leaning with his elbow on the bar.

Darren huffed out a little laugh. His head was a mess of thoughts, feelings, conclusions… he wasn't sure he could really answer any questions and not confuse himself more than he already was. "I took him out on a date because I wanted to, not only because I wanted him to know what it felt like. And if _he_ hadn't asked for that kiss, I would've done it myself, because I spent half the night trying to fucking grow a pair and just… do it. I _wanted_ to kiss him."

"Wow, man," Joey muttered, a little dazed. "I have to say… I always knew you were flexible when it came to sexuality, but I've never really seen you get like this about another guy."

"I think I have feelings for him," Darren admitted, and fuck, it felt so good to say that out loud. "I think I've had them for a while, I just hadn't really figured it all out until now."

* * *

Ashley's squeal when Chris finally told her about the kiss (_kisses. Plural. Kisses_, he reminded himself, and that only made his insides flutter more in excitement) was so loud that she finally ended Brian's plotting to steal food. The poor cat jumped a foot in the air and then tore out of the living room as quickly as he could. Chris watched him go in regret, but he didn't move to get him because he thought Brian would be better away from Ashley anyway.

And then Ashley was hugging him so tight that he had to push her away to get a breath.

"Calm down," Chris gasped. "You act as if you were the one who kissed him!"

"Oh, shut up," she said, rolling her eyes. "I'm allowed to be excited for my best friend. So… now what? Are you two together? Did he say something to you afterward?"

"Not really," Chris shrugged. "I went to bed and then this morning he was… touchy-feely, I guess? Although that's not unusual in him, but… you know. It just felt different."

Ashley smiled warmly at him. "I'm really happy for you."

Chris frowned and picked at one of the blankets, thoughtfully. "I'm not entirely sure there's something for you to be happy about. I mean… yes, we kissed, and we were extremely close all day today, but… that's it. Nothing happened. We're still us."

"What do you want it to be?" She said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it gently. "Do you want it to be something else? Or do you want to stay just friends?"

"I…" Chris bit his lip, hesitated, and then looked at her with bright blue eyes. "I really like him. I don't know if he wants a romantic relationship or not, but… if he wanted to…" He shrugged,unable to say the rest, but Ashley understood.

There was a little silence in which Ashley just kept petting his hand, and it was weird how soothing that was.

"Can I be honest with you?" Ashley asked softly after a while, and Chris nodded softly. "I think you've always had feelings for Darren, even before the accident. You never told me or acted on it, but I know that's because you were trying really hard not to mix work with romance, and Darren is one of your best friends and you didn't want to risk alienating him. Even though he's known for his lack of sexual boundaries, everyone sees him as a straight guy. But…" Ashley chewed on her lip, as if she was searching for the right words. "I think the reason you didn't freak out with him when you woke up in the hospital is because, deep down inside, even though you don't remember it, he's the guy you've always felt safest with, the guy who made you the happiest, and the guy you were kind of in love with. Your head might have forgotten… but I don't think your heart did."

Chris' heart did a little jump, bumping against his chest, as if it was trying to tell him something, like maybe it agreed with Ashley's words. But Chris didn't say anything. There was a buzzing sound in his head and he suddenly had a lot to think about.

* * *

After the third beer, they both stopped drinking and ordered a coffee. They moved to one of their favorite tables once it was vacated, and Joey made Darren replay every single minute of the time he had been spending with Chris since the accident, in an attempt to help Darren clear up his thoughts and his feelings.

Darren wasn't stupid. He had always known Joey was a fantastic friend. But he still couldn't help being grateful that he had him in his life, that he was so supportive. He always seemed to be ready and willing to help him, no matter where he was headed.

"Thanks, man," he said as they walked towards the car. The dawn was nudging the horizon and they were both completely sober now and quite tired. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Oh, you'd be fine," Joey smiled, but he still accepted the friendly pat on the back that Darren gave him before he turned around to get to the driver's seat. "So, what are you going to do about your feelings for him?" He asked once they were driving towards their apartment. "Will you talk to him, tell him how you feel?"

Darren took his time to answer. He stopped at a red light and stared at the mostly empty street in front of them, restless. "I'm not sure. I don't think he needs his life to be even more complicated…"

"Who says it'll complicate anything?" Joey said, propping his feet up on the dashboard. "From everything you told me tonight, I think you've actually helped him find his way in lots of things so far…"

"But this is different," Darren started driving again very slowly. "What if he gets his memory back and then he doesn't want me anymore? What if him kissing me and liking me, or whatever, is just part of this sort of new person he is now, part of him needing me, but only until he gets back who he used to be? He wasn't into me like this before the attack."

Joey exhaled a long breath, followed by a whistle. "Man, that does sound complicated."

"Told you," Darren sighed tiredly. He turned into their street. "Just… promise me something?"

"What?" Joey said, looking at him curiously.

"Never lose your memory," Darren replied in tone of voice that showed how stressed, anxious and even desperate he was.

He stopped in front of their building and Joey frowned. "You're not coming in?"

Darren shook his head, engine still on, fingers tightly wrapped around the steering wheel. "No, I… I think it'd be better if I went… home."

Joey didn't say anything, he just nodded and got out of the car. Before pushing the passenger door close, he leaned in to talk to him again. "Maybe I should start looking for another roommate."

Darren bit his lip as he thought of the possibilities. His stomach jolted. "Not yet," he said quietly.

Joey gave him a little smile. "Give me a call if you need to talk some more or anything, alright?"

"Thanks, dude," Darren smiled back.

He waited until Joey was inside, and then he drove back to Chris'. He drove back home.

* * *

The house was quiet. Both Chris and Ashley had passed out at around three in the morning after talking in the dark for hours. Chris didn't know what wake him up. He had somehow gravitated towards Ashley, almost flush against her back. He was about to move away so he wouldn't disturb her when he realized that what had woken him was the sound of soft footsteps.

He looked up and saw Darren next to the mattress, looking down at him.

"Hey," Chris whispered, his voice raspy with sleep. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just left Joey's," Darren said softly. "Go back to sleep."

"Mmkay," Chris rolled a little and pressed his face to a cooler spot on his pillow, sighing in contentment.

He opened his eyes again seconds later, when he heard the distinctive rustle of fabrics. He looked over his shoulder and saw Darren had taken off his shoes and was sliding his pants off, too. Then he carefully got under the blankets behind Chris, wrapping an arm around him, fingers spread warmly over his stomach, and tugged him closer.

"Is this okay?" He asked in his ear, and Chris almost purred in delight.

"Perfect," he wriggled back against Darren, getting comfortable. "Did you have a nice time with Joey?"

He could feel Darren's smile against the back of his neck. "It was a good night. What about you?"

"Mm, every night with Ashley is at least mildly interesting," he murmured, yawning.

Darren nuzzled against his shoulder and then dropped a quick kiss to his hair. "Sleep, Chris."

Chris barely managed to find Darren's hand and intertwine their fingers before sleep took him away again.

* * *

Ashley was the first one to wake the next morning. As soon as she saw the way Darren was curled around Chris, the way their hands were tangled, the way they were smiling in their sleep, she decided it was time for her to go.

She got up as quietly as she could, got dressed, grabbed her stuff, and tip-toed out of the house. Neither of the boys discussed why she might have left them sleeping together, without saying goodbye.

* * *

Later that week, Darren was walking towards the parking lot after he had finished filming his last scene when Lea caught up with him. She was wearing a pink bathrobe and slippers, clearly on her way to Costume, and she had a cup of hot tea in her hands.

"Hey, Darren!" She exclaimed, smiling widely at him and waving so he would stop.

Darren waited patiently, smiling back, as she walked towards him. "Hey, Lea. Looking stunning, as usual."

"Oh, shut up," she rolled her eyes and smacked his arm playfully. "Are you done for the day?"

"Yeah, I only had two scenes today," Darren answered.

"How's Chris doing?" She asked.

He couldn't help the smile that tried to tug at his lips, as he felt warmth spreading through him just as the mention of his name. "He's alright. He was writing when I texted him earlier."

"Good," Lea took a sip of her tea before continuing. "So, I'm having a dinner party on Friday night and I was wondering if maybe you and Chris would like to come?"

"Well, I'd love to," Darren said sincerely. "But… I'm not sure. Who else is going? Chris sometimes isn't entirely comfortable when there are too many people around him that he can't remember."

"Oh, no, it's just the guys from the cast," she replied. "Do you think he'd be okay with that?"

"I'll ask him and let you know later, if that's okay?" Darren muttered. He thought it could be good for Chris to go out a little more, but he didn't want to force him into anything that could make him feel uncomfortable.

They chatted for a few more minutes before Lea was called to get her hair done. She kissed his cheek quickly before she left, and Darren left to go to his car.

For some reason, he couldn't wait to get home and see Chris. It was like he couldn't get enough of him, like the minutes, the hours and the days spent with him still didn't seem to satisfy his need to be close, to see him, to touch him in some way.

Maybe he would kiss him again when he got home. Maybe.

* * *

On Friday night, Darren rapped on Chris' bedroom's door, peeking inside after he heard a quiet humming sound from the other man. Chris was standing in front of the mirror, buttoning a vest on top of the blue shirt he was wearing. Darren smiled when he saw him and took a few steps into the room.

"Someone looks amazing," he said sweetly, and Chris looked at him through the mirror, biting his lip and trying to fight off the blush creeping up his cheeks.

"That would be you," Chris answered playfully, turning to face Darren, who was wearing dark jeans that fitted perfectly (_gosh, look at those thighs_) and a light pink shirt. Chris really loved a guy who could rock a pink shirt like that.

"Well, of course. Did you think I was talking about you?" Darren asked teasingly, rolling his eyes, and without being able to help himself, he reached and grabbed Chris by the waist, tugging him closer. The motion made a lock of Chris' perfectly styled hair fall out of place, so Darren brushed it gently back where it belonged. "Gorgeous," he muttered under his breath.

Chris' heart beat a little faster. They had been a little more tactile since their date, but nothing like this. This felt intimate and couple-y and, frankly, perfect.

"Are you ready to go?" Darren asked before Chris could react.

"Yeah, I just need to grab a jacket," Chris pointed towards his closet, reluctant to break the embrace.

"Okay," Darren seemed to be about to pull away, but this was the chance he'd been waiting for. He leaned in, slowly, as if giving Chris time to stop him if he wanted, and gave him a soft kiss, just a gentle press of lips on lips. "I'll wait for you downstairs?"

Chris nodded, eyes a little wide, and let Darren go reluctantly.

Tonight was already on its way to be a great night.

* * *

They chatted and listened to music all the way to Lea's place. Every now and then, Darren would put his hand on Chris' knee while he waited for the red light to turn green, or Chris would catch him staring at him in a way that could only be described as lovingly. Chris wasn't sure what was going on, or why Darren seemed to be taking a step forward in this, this _relationship_ they had, but he wasn't about to complain.

Cory opened the door for them when they arrived. A few of the guys were already there, so the first few minutes were spent exchanging the usual pleasantries. Darren kept his hand on the small of Chris' back the entire time in silent support, for which Chris was grateful. He knew there was nothing to be nervous about around these people, but he still felt a bit uncomfortable when they asked him how he was doing, with a bit of a pitying glance flashing through their eyes.

"We brought some wine," Chris said, showing the bag with the bottles to Cory. "Should I take them to the kitchen?"

"Sure. Lea's there finishing with the food," Cory answered. When he saw Chris hesitate, he pointed down the hall. "There's no way to get lost. Second door to the left."

"Thanks," Chris smiled. He turned to Darren, who was already deep in conversation with Chord next to him. "I'll be right back," he whispered.

Darren squeezed his side as a sign that he had listened, without interrupting what Chord was saying. Chris walked down the hall and found Lea just as easily as Cory had promised, putting the finishing touch on a huge bowl of salad. She grinned widely when she saw him and they exchanged a long hug before she put the wine they had brought in the wine fridge to chill.

"Do you need any help?" Chris offered, looking at the kitchen counters covered with food.

"I think I have everything under control," she said with a smile. "Wouldn't you rather go talk to the guys for a while?"

"It's a little loud," Chris admitted, looking at her a bit apologetically. "I think I need a moment before I go back there."

"Of course," she said sympathetically. "Well, if you want… can you check the oven? Cory was in charge of watching the chicken, but I think I lost him once the boys arrived."

"I'm on it," Chris nodded gratefully.

"How's the writing going?" Lea asked as she opened a cupboard to look for wine glasses.

Chris shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I'm not sure if I'm going anywhere with it. I'm just writing for the sake of having something to do." He pulled open the oven door, leaning back to let the initial blast of heat escape.

"You've always been brilliant," Lea muttered.

"That's what Darren says, but I'm not so sure myself…" Chris thought the chicken didn't look ready yet, so he closed the oven and turned back to her. "Where are the girls?"

"Naya and Jenna texted ten minutes ago; they're on their way. Amber and Heather are going to be a little late. Dianna isn't coming because she had work early tomorrow," Lea explained. "But if I have to be honest… the fact that you came makes me the happiest." She bounced on her feet a little before enveloping him in her arms. "I thought you wouldn't come. Darren seemed so hesitant when I asked him."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Darren's far too overprotective…"

"Of course I am," Darren said from the doorway, looking at them with a fond smile on his face. He walked into the kitchen to hug Lea.

"Maybe you're overprotective because you want to keep him all for yourself," Lea accused him teasingly, poking his chest with a finger.

Instead of laughing, Darren's eyes fixed on Chris'. "Maybe you're right." Chris' breath hitched, but Darren immediately changed the subject. "Cory wants to know where the napkins are."

"What is he talking about? I already put them out on the table," Lea rolled her eyes and left the kitchen.

Darren's hand found Chris' and gave it a squeeze. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah. I was just seeing if Lea needed help," Chris shrugged and Darren tugged him a little closer until they were against each other. "You're… quite handsy today."

"Oh," Darren dropped his hand, unable to hide his disappointment. "Should I… stop?"

Chris chuckled and cupped his face in his hands to return the feeling. "No. Don't. I really like it."

Darren smiled brightly, relief written all over him. "Good. Because I like it, too."

He was moving forward for a kiss, but they heard Lea coming back, so instead they shared one last smile and pulled away. When they got home again they could kiss all they wanted.

* * *

Once everyone else was there, they sat at the table for dinner. It took a while for Chris to feel relaxed enough to join in the conversations, but he felt comforted by Darren's constant presence next to his.

In fact, Darren's proximity was so obvious that their friends were starting to realize something new was going on between those two.

Cory and Lea had always been the most touchy-feely couple, and they never seemed to care if they weren't alone; they'd kiss, hug, cuddle in front of their friends without giving it a second thought. But now Darren and Chris were sitting so close together, with their sides touching, Darren's arm behind Chris on the back of his chair. They were slightly leaning towards each other, in a way that unmistakably echoed the intimacy that Lea and Cory shared.

"Do you want some wine?" Darren asked, almost talking right into Chris' ear.

He hesitated. "I don't know… do I like wine?"

Darren smiled and offered his glass to Chris. "Try mine."

Chris took a tentative sip of the sweet white wine in Darren's glass, and then a bigger swig. Darren chuckled and poured some on Chris' glass before turning to Mark, who was talking to him. Chris turned to Amber, who was asking about his writing (everyone seemed to think that was a safe topic of conversation with him, and he appreciated how much they were trying). After a few minutes, he felt Darren's hand moving from the back of his chair to the back of his neck, where he started scratching lightly with his nails, sending shivers down Chris' spine. He toyed with the hair at the nape and Chris couldn't help but push back a little, loving the sensation.

Once dinner was over, Lea, Jenna and Heather cleared up the dishes while Amber and Naya went out to the deck for some fresh air. The guys went into the living room to check how the score on some basketball game they were interested in. Darren leaned closer to Chris and kissed his cheek.

"You look tired," he commented, his fingers still finding their way into Chris' hair.

"Mm, a little," Chris answered softly. "I think the wine and the petting aren't helping."

"Sorry," Darren said, grinning, but he didn't stop.

Chris sighed in contentment and dropped his head on Darren's shoulder, nuzzling against him. "I'm glad we came. I'm having fun. Everyone's really nice."

"I know."

"You're the nicest, though," Chris mumbled against his neck, sleepily.

Darren chuckled. "No more wine for you, Colfer. You're getting soppy."

"It's not the wine, it's the truth," Chris lifted his head enough to look into Darren's eyes. "You're amazing to me. I'm so grateful I have you in life, and I wish you would never leave."

Darren frowned, brushing some hair off Chris' forehead gently. "Why would I want to leave? I'm fine right where I am."

A lazy smile appeared on Chris' face as he leaned back onto Darren's shoulder. But then Darren could feel the smile disappear and Chris' hands were forming fists in his shirt. "Not… not even if you knew you _could_ leave?"

Confused, Darren ran a hand down Chris' back, hoping it was soothing. "Chris, I…"

"Time for dessert!" Jenna exclaimed, walking back into the dining room and stopping in her tracks when she realized she had obviously interrupted something. "Oh."

"It's okay," Darren reassured her with a gentle smile. "I think he needs to stay away from the wine for the rest of the night."

"It was delicious," Chris sighed, without moving from his position draped on Darren's shoulder.

Darren laughed quietly. "It was, but you've had enough."

Jenna tactfully walked back into the kitchen, leaving them alone. Darren could hear her whispering, probably telling the others to stay away for a while. He didn't know if that was good development or not, but he savored holding Chris against him.

Chris gripped the shirt under his fingers a little tighter. He felt a bit lightheaded, and a lot scared. He was lying to Darren. He hadn't told him he could go back to living on his own. He was lying to him because he wanted to keep him… and what if Darren found out? What if Darren found out and the lie made him leave?

Chris tried to move a little closer, even though that was impossible. He could hear Darren's steady breath and even when he knew he had to pull away, to rejoin the others and be social, he allowed himself this moment, this tiny little moment in which he held onto Darren and Darren held onto him, as if they were never going to let go of each other.

Chris wished he knew what he was doing.

* * *

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you thought about it!**

**Have a wonderful week, and I'll see you again next weekend! :)**

**L.-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello everyone! I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!**

**Welcome to a new chapter :) Thank you for the amazing reviews you've been sending so far. I appreciate all the lovely comments and support!**

**Hugs and love go all the way to my beta for being so great. I wouldn't know what to do without my Wutif :)**

**I own nothing. Enjoy!**

* * *

The next morning, Chris woke up wrapped around Darren again. At first he just smiled at the beautiful man sleeping next to him, but then he remembered some of the stupid things he had almost said and the way he had behaved and he felt like banging his head against the wall.

Darren deserved everything he could give hi, after dropping his whole life to look after him, the truth included. But… what if he really left? What if Chris had to face this life that he still didn't quite understand sometimes, all on his own? What if Darren got mad at him when he found out Chris had been deceiving him and he could've gone home weeks ago?

"You're thinking too hard," a hoarse voice said sleepily, and Chris lifted his head off Darren's chest to see him staring down at him with his eyes still mostly closed.

"I… I wasn't…" Chris muttered nervously because he was afraid Darren could really read him like an open book, though he was distracted by how stunning Darren looked when he just woke up. It wasn't fair.

"Yeah, you were. Man, it's much too early to let whatever it is eat you up inside," Darren moved just enough to kiss the top of Chris' head. "What's bugging you? Is it your book?"

Chris bit his lip. This was the perfect opportunity to come clean, to tell him what his doctor had said, to set Darren free if he wanted to leave…

"Yeah, it's the book," he said instead, because maybe everyone thought Chris was brilliant and smart and wonderful in many ways, but he was sure of one thing: he was too much of a coward to risk it.

* * *

It was much easier to convince Chris to go with him to work more often after that dinner party with the cast at Lea's. Darren was convinced that getting Chris out of the house to see other people was far better for him than staying home staring at a blank page in the computer screen.

"You just want to keep an eye on me," Chris sighed, pretending to be resentful, as he walked next to Darren towards his trailer.

Darren bumped him playfully with his hip. "Maybe I just like looking at you."

Chris rolled his eyes and said, "cheesy," but his cheeks were pink, and Darren could swear that he was hiding a smile.

Chris sat through lots of scenes; scenes with Darren, scenes with Lea, scenes with pretty much everyone. He watched and he read the scripts, and sometimes he even mouthed the words along with the person speaking them in front of the camera. Darren could see him getting more and more into it every day, but it still came as a surprise when, one night, when they had just gotten home and dropped down on the couch with some Chinese food with the control remote positioned between them, Chris announced he would like to try going back to work on the show.

"Really?" Darren asked, eyebrows shooting up all the way up to his hair.

Chris wasn't looking at him, avoiding his eyes awkwardly. "Well, I think I can handle it. I've been there so much lately that I feel like it wouldn't be a big adjustment…" He paused and finally glanced at Darren, hesitation on his face. "Do you think it's a bad idea? I shouldn't have said anything. You're right. I'm not ready yet. I have no idea how to do it, and what if I had to sing? And I don't even…"

"Hey, hey, hey," Darren said immediately, scooting closer and putting a finger on Chris' lips to silence him. "I actually think it's a great idea."

Chris' eyes went wide. "You do?"

"Of course," Darren beamed at him. "You're a natural actor, Chris. Maybe the first couple of scenes might be difficult, but you'll get back into it so easily…" He dropped his hand, letting it rest comfortably on Chris' knee. "Besides, it's not like you are the new guy who doesn't know anyone there. I'll be there for you. And Lea will, too. You'd have most of your scenes with us, anyway…"

"Oh my god," Chris chuckled, incredulous. "Am I really going to do this? I must be crazy…"

"You're not crazy," Darren leaned to hitch his chin over Chris' shoulder, staring into his blue eyes as he kept smiling. "You're the bravest, most awesome guy I've ever met."

Chris scrunched his face. "Oh shut up."

"Nuh-uh, I won't," Darren mumbled, staring at him almost adoringly. "I'm proud of you for wanting to try. You really are brave, Chris."

Chris shrugged, but his cheeks were getting pinker. "What do I have left if I don't give it a shot?"

"Me," Darren answered softly, the corners of his mouth curving slightly into a sweet smile.

It was hard holding back the dreamy sigh pushing its way past Chris' lips, so he simply let it go. He reached to brush some of Darren's hair back, loving how the silky curls felt around his fingers.

"Were you always this sweet?" Chris asked, surprising even himself once the words were out.

But Darren smiled even brighter, tenderness coming out of him in waves, as he leaned into the touch. "You think I'm sweet?"

"I do, yes," Chris admitted sheepishly.

Darren moved forward and planted a noisy kiss on Chris' cheek, making him giggle. "I meant what I said. I'm going to help you through this. I'm going to help you prepare to go back to work." He walked to the shelves where Chris' DVDs were. "And we're going to start by catching up on the episodes you don't remember."

Chris smiled as he watched Darren pop the disc into the DVD player. "You don't have to watch them all with me…"

"I want to," Darren assured him, sitting a lot closer than before. He squeezed his hand and then grabbed his food again. "So, are you ready?"

Chris took a steadying breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm ready."

Darren pressed play.

* * *

From then on, every night after Darren came back from work, they would sit in front of the TV with their dinner and watch a few episodes. Chris found himself singing at the top of his lungs while he was alone during the day, trying to smooth out the hoarseness of his voice, after not being used in a while. Darren promised him he could get vocal coaching if he wasn't sure about his singing, but assured him with an encourahing squeeze that he sounded nearly as incredible as ever.

When they finally got to Darren's first episode, Chris almost squealed aloud when he saw his friend walking down the stairs.

"Is that a pocket watch you're looking at?" Chris asked, leaning closer to the television so he could see more clearly.

"Yeah. I think they wanted me to look mysterious and sophisticated," Darren snorted.

Then there was an episode during which Darren kept fidgeting anxiously next to him on the couch. Chris nudged him with his elbow silently several times, wanting him to sit still and let him focus. When he reached for Chris' hand while, in the screen, Kurt was bedazzling Pavarotti's casket (seriously? All that hassle for a canary?), Chris' eyebrows shot all the way up to his hairline.

"Dare, what is wrong with you tonight?"

"Just watch," Darren whispered.

And he watched. He watched Blaine pouring his heart out to Kurt, confessing his feelings, taking his hand, moving closer…

"He's kissing him! Darren, that's the kiss I remembered! They're kis-…!" Chris squeaked excitedly, but then Darren's hands were cupping his face and turning him, and they were kissing, too, slow and gentle and perfect. Blaine and Kurt pulled away and said a few words (they would have to rewind later), but Chris and Darren kept kissing. Chris' arms found their way around Darren's waist, pulling him closer, and Darren smiled against his lips, and, for a moment, reality was so much better than fiction.

* * *

Chris Colfer was in love. That was the only logical explanation. He felt like he was walking from cloud to cloud, floating from one place to the other, with a permanent smile etched on his face. He felt lighter, happier, and it all seemed to intensify when Darren was in the same room. It was like feeling a thousand volts running through his body and leaving him pleasantly buzzed.

He knew Darren deserved someone better than him – better than someone who was lying to him – but, deep down inside, he hoped Darren would eventually feel the same. They had kissed more and more the past few days, they were closer than ever, and Darren looked at him in a way that covered his skin in goose bumps.

Chris wanted to give Darren something, give back to him somehow, after everything Darren had done for him. He wanted to make him feel as special as he always made Chris feel. So once Darren left for work one day, he turned his laptop on and started a little research. An hour later, he had an entire menu for a romantic dinner, and a supermarket list that included candles, linen napkins (he had no idea if there were any in the house and he was not going to call Darren and ask him), and flowers.

For a moment, he considered taking his car, but he knew Darren would have a heart attack if he found out. Plus, he hadn't tried driving through LA traffic yet, and he wasn't so sure doing it alone for the first time would be such a great idea. So, instead, he called a cab.

He was dropped off at one of LA's biggest stores, and he immediately grabbed a blue shopping cart and started wandering down the aisles, looking for all the things in his list. He got the candles and the napkins, first, before heading for the food and the flowers. He was selecting some chicken breasts for the main course when he heard someone standing nearby speak to him.

"Excuse me, uhm… Chris?" He found a teenage girl standing there, shaking a little and looking at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah?" He said, hesitantly.

"Oh god, I can't believe it's you," the girl muttered excitedly. "I love you so much. You're my favorite actor and I miss you so much on Glee. The show isn't the same without you."

"Uhm, thanks," he answered uneasily. He didn't know what to say or do.

"I hope you come back on the show soon," she said, as she started rummaging through her bag. "Could you sign an autograph for me? Please? I'm your biggest fan."

Chris looked around warily. He hoped no one else recognized him, because this was, seriously, the most uncomfortable he'd felt since waking up in the hospital without a clue of who he was. "I… sure." He grabbed the pen and paper she was offering to him. "W-what's your name?"

"I'm Claire," she bit her lip as he signed the paper quickly. "This means a lot to me. I love you so much, I can't even tell you how much of an inspiration you've been for me…"

"Thank you," he said politely, voice as tight as his chest felt.

The girl squealed a little when he handed her back the autograph and, without another word, she closed the gap between them and hugged him exuberantly. "Thank you so much, Chris. I'll never forget this."

Chris just nodded as he tried to keep breathing through it. The girl finally let go and turned around to leave, waving over her shoulder until she disappeared. A few other people were looking at him, as if trying to remember where they had seen Chris before. He turned back to the chicken and grabbed what he needed, his hands trembling in reaction, before quickly moving away to find the rest of his stuff.

His heart beat wildly as he glanced around anxiously, feeling threatened and weirdly exposed as he searched for the rest of the things in his list. When he finally headed to the check out, the cashier also looked at him with narrowed eyes, clearly realizing she knew him from somewhere. Chris paid, averting his face from her as much as possible, then practically ran out of the store, the bright sunlight hitting him like a slap, and the noises of LA too loud for his ears.

He looked around the exit nervously, his chest heaving in his rush to escape. Some people walking by carelessly pushed him aside, barely noticing they guy in their way. Chris cringes away from them until his back was against the store's wall with his eyes closed, suddenly realizing he had no idea where he was or how to get home again. His arms were tightly wrapped around the paper bags he was carrying and his legs were shaking just as much as his hands.

An old lady stopped next to him and watched him, arching an eyebrow. "Are you okay, young man?"

Chris thought about telling her he needed help, about needing her to call a cab for him, but he realized he didn't remember his address, and that the words weren't coming out of his mouth anyway. He was paralyzed, completely paralyzed, and he had no idea what to do. So he nodded sharply and let the lady walk away, as he stood there, panicking next to the store's entrance.

He knew he couldn't stay there forever. He needed to do something. Feeling tears gathering in his eyes, he made sure the bags were secure in his arm before fishing his phone out of his pocket with his other hand. It took him four tries to dial Darren's number, shaky as he was, but forced himself to focus until he succeeded.

"Hey, Chris! You caught me just on time! I was about to start filming a… Chris?" Darren's cheery voice darkened as soon as he heard Chris' irregular breathing on the other side. "Chris? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Chris licked his lips and tried to find his voice, but it was so hard…

"Chris. Chris, baby, you're scaring me. What's going on? What's that noise? Where are you?" Darren demanded, voice frantic and a little desperate.

Chris closed his eyes and cleared his throat. He could do this. "I… I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Darren sounded more and more scared with every second. "Did you leave the house?"

"Supermarket," Chris managed to choke out. Not being able to talk was making him lock up even tighter with frustration.

"You went to the supermarket? Which one?" Darren seemed to be moving now, probably running out of the soundstage, if the calls that Chris could hear in the background were right.

Chris looked up and tried to read the words in the huge sign above the store's entrance. He couldn't read it unless he went into the parking lot, and he just couldn't leave the security of the wall holding him upright yet. "Can't… I…"

"Baby, calm down," Darren said as soothingly as he could. "Listen to me. Let's breathe together, okay? In, out, in, out. You'll be okay in a minute."

Chris nodded even though he knew Darren couldn't see him.

"Alright. Now I need you to stop the first friendly person you see, or any employee in the store, and give the phone to them for a second, okay? I need to get an address so I can come get you," Darren's voice was soft, like a caress in Chris' ear.

"What's happening?" Chris asked, the stress making him quite high-pitched.

"You're just a bit disoriented, baby. The doctor said it could happen, remember? But I'll be there soon. I'm getting into my car right now. I just need you to find someone who can tell me where you are," Darren was still gentle, but firm, and Chris nodded again.

"Okay," he looked around, unsure. He noticed the old lady from a few moments ago was still there, just a few steps away, looking at the display window in the next store. "E-excuse me."

The lady turned around, gazing at him quizzically. "Yes?"

"C-could you…?" He extended the phone to her and the woman took it, confused.

She frowned as she put the phone against her ear. "Hello? Yes? Oh. Of course. I thought he looked a bit lost…"

Chris closed his eyes and tightened his arms around the paper bags as the lady spoke to Darren. He didn't open them until the woman touched his shoulder, slightly startled.

"I'm sorry, dear. Here's your friend again," she said sweetly.

"Dare?" He muttered into the phone again, just wanting to hear his voice.

"I'm here, honey. I know where you are now and I'll be there in twenty minutes, okay? Can you stay right where you are?" Darren asked, sounding more distant. He must have the phone on hands-free already, driving to get him.

Chris swallowed. "It's… so crowded."

"Do you think you can go back into the store? Maybe you could go into the restroom? It'll be quieter there. But don't move if you think you can't make it," Darren spoke calmly and clearly and Chris was so grateful for him in that moment.

"Okay," Chris replied in a low voice.

"Great," Darren said encouragingly. "I'll stay in the phone until you make it into the restroom, okay? I'm here. Just walk slowly. You'll be fine."

Darren's voice in his ear as he stepped back into the store and made his way, very slowly, to the restroom, gave Chris the strength he needed. He finally locked himself in a stall and breathed in relief.

"I'm on my way, baby. Just hang in there for me, okay? Can you do it? For me?"

And Chris knew, for Darren, he'd do anything. "Yes."

* * *

Darren parked the car in a hurry, not really caring where or how, and then ran into the store. It wasn't too crowded – most people were probably working at this time. He immediately found the sign that said where the bathrooms were, and he ran in that direction, looking around just in case Chris had emerged in the time it had taken Darren to drive from the studios.

He was still in his Blaine clothes, with his hair gelled down and a purple bowtie around his neck. Everyone on set had called after him, but he couldn't stop to explain, so he had ignored them. The director was probably very unhappy with him at the moment, but he didn't care. He just wanted to find Chris.

"Chris!" He called as he pushed the door open. "Chris!"

"… Dare?" A soft whisper came from the last stall.

"Fuck," Darren cursed in relief as he rushed to it, in time to see Chris opening the door. He seemed unharmed, just a little shaken, but otherwise okay. "Fuck. You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry," Chris replied mournfully. "I didn't mean to."

"It's fine. But please… just… next time tell me where you're going. Or call me if you run out of milk or sugar or whatever and I'll buy some on my way home. Don't do this to me again," Darren pulled him into his arms and held him tightly, breathing the scent of his shampoo in and reveling in the fact that he had him safe and sound again.

"I'm sorry," Chris murmured once more, into his shoulder.

Darren sighed and pulled away just enough to look at him in the eyes. He brushed a few strands of hair out of Chris' eyes and cupped his face gently. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Chris nodded, still looking miserable.

"Let's get you out of here, then," Darren scooped the paper bags up and grabbed Chris' hand to guide him to the car.

The ride back home was silent. Chris stared out the window and said nothing, lost in thought. He looked ashamed and Darren felt like crap because he didn't know what to say. It was the first time Chris had ventured out on his own and it had gone so badly wrong. He was supposed to be getting better, things _had_ been better lately, but this… this felt like it could have been the first week he'd come home.

Darren had barely parked the car before Chris was getting out of it, carrying the paper bags with him.

"Chris, wait!" Darren exclaimed, killing the engine and rushing after him as soon as he could.

He found him in the kitchen. Chris was emptying the bags, working quickly, mechanically, avoiding Darren's eyes as much as he could.

"Hey, stop. Come on, Chris, stop," Darren stood behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close and kissing his shoulder. "You're okay now…"

"No, I'm not," Chris put a loaf of bread down on the counter quite violently. "I'm not okay, Darren. I'm just a useless, stupid guy who can't go to the grocery store without a babysitter…"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you know you…" Darren started saying, but Chris shook his head vehemently.

"No. Don't try to make me feel better," Chris wiped the tears that had started trailing down his cheeks, impatiently. "All I wanted to do was to go out, buy some things so I could cook a romantic dinner for you, and all I ended up doing was losing it in the middle of a grocery store because a girl asked for my autograph and then hugged me. I had to call you when you were working so you could come to my rescue…"

"Wait a minute," there was a smile tugging at the corner of Darren's mouth. He brushed his thumb across Chris' cheekbone to catch a tear. "You were planning to make a romantic dinner for me?"

A blush appeared on Chris' pale skin and he looked down. "It's ruined now, so it doesn't matter."

Darren gave him a quick peck. "You're the sweetest."

Chris rolled his eyes. "I'm the stupidest." He gently pushed Darren away. "And you have to go back to work now, so…"

"Nope. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you," Darren smiled reassuringly at him.

Chris frowned. "No. I messed up your day enough. You have to go back or…"

"I'm not going, Chris, so don't even bother," Darren started putting the groceries away, too. "If you wanted to make a romantic dinner for us, then that's what we'll do…"

Chris leaned against the counter, frustrated. "Darren, there's no point now. It was supposed to be a surprise."

"It is. I was surprised when you told me about it," Darren opened the fridge to put some things inside. "Come on. You can't tell a guy he's getting a romantic dinner and then just leave him hanging there, starving and sad." He pouted. "Please?"

Chris hated when he pouted. Darren could be the sexiest guy in the world one second, and the most ridiculously adorable in the next. It was unfair. He sighed. "Fine."

"Yay!" Darren clapped, enthusiastically, before bouncing his way towards Chris. He threw his arms around Chris' neck and then stood on the tips of his toes so he could give him a big, noisy kiss.

Chris chuckled reluctantly, and then sighed, resting their foreheads together. "You always know how to make me feel better."

"Good," Darren's thumb brushed his cheek softly. "Because I honestly love seeing you smile." Chris smiled then, because there was no alternative when Darren was being like that, and Darren smiled, too, because Chris was contagious. "Yeah, just like that. I love that smile."

Darren stared into those stunning blue eyes for a moment, and it was then that it hit him.

He was in love with Chris.

* * *

One of the wonderful things about Darren was that he knew exactly when to leave Chris alone for a while. After a few minutes, he just pecked Chris quickly and said he was going to take a shower to get the gel out of his hair, and left Chris in the kitchen so he could start working on dinner.

He grabbed his laptop and searched for the chicken alfredo recipe he'd found earlier and read it through a couple of times before he began preparing it. He took a few deep breaths first, trying to shake off any remaining distress, and then forced himself to focus on giving Darren the kind of dinner he deserved.

He had just finished cooking the chicken strips when Darren walked back into the kitchen, with his curls still damp, and wearing a nice pair of jeans and a green shirt that made his eyes look almost golden.

"You look good," Chris commented, wishing he could get rid of the slight blush coloring his cheeks.

"Thanks. I have a hot date tonight," Darren said with a wink. He moved towards the cabinet next to where Chris was standing and grabbed two glasses. "Do you want me to open a bottle of wine?"

"Sure," Chris replied. He put the chicken aside while Darren popped open the bottle and poured the wine in the glasses. "Thanks," he smiled when Darren handed him one.

"You're welcome," Darren took a sip and leaned against the breakfast bar, watching him. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, you just need to sit there until it's ready and then eat and enjoy," Chris answered. Then he frowned. "Actually… do I have any tablecloths?"

"Yeah, they're in the closet in the hallway. Do you want me to get one?" Darren asked, already stepping away from the counter.

"Please," Chris said softly. He remembered the napkins he had bought earlier. "If you can find a blue one, that's great! If not, see if there's a white one!"

"Yes, sir!" Darren exclaimed, from the hallway. Chris went back to the pan and put a piece of butter in it before reaching for the parmesan cheese. "There's a light blue one, would that be okay?" Darren asked holding up the tablecoth he'd found.

Chris nodded his consent. "That one's perfect. Thanks, Dare."

"Should I set the table?"

"Nope. Just sit down and drink your wine. I'll do it in a minute," Chris took a sip of wine too, feeling much more confident.

They talked while he was working on dinner, and it was obvious Darren was trying to keep the conversation as light as possible to relax Chris a little more. Chris loved him just a pinch more just because of that, and since he couldn't say the words – _not yet, maybe not ever_ – he simply stopped on his way to the dining room while he was setting the table (candles included. Darren smiled delightfully when he saw them) and gave Darren a long, sweet kiss that he hoped would be a substitute for those three little words.

After he put the pasta in the boiling water, he ran upstairs to take a quick shower and change his clothes. He settled quickly on a tight pair of jeans and a gray shirt that made his eyes pop (well, at least according to Ashley), and then went back to the kitchen just in time to drain the pasta through the colander. He pushed Darren out of the kitchen and into the dining room and then plated the food before following him.

"Oh fuck, that smells delicious," Darren said when Chris put the plate down in front of him.

"I hope it tastes good, too," Chris bit his lip hopefully, as Darren took his first bite. When he moaned, Chris felt his face turning red. "That good, huh?"

"Chris, shit. I'm going to beg you to cook this every week," Darren mumbled, as he twirled more fettuccine onto his fork for a second bite.

Chris smiled and tried it himself. "Oh. It really is good."

"Told you!" Darren spoke through a mouthful.

Once again, the conversation was kept light, at least until the food was gone and they sat back on their chairs, looking at each other with tiny smiles on their lips as they sipped their wine. Then, Darren leaned on his elbows on the table, trying to get a little closer to Chris, and his face turned a little more serious.

"So… can I ask you something?" He said softly.

Chris nodded, cautiously.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but…" Darren muttered, hazel eyes burning into his blue ones. "What happened today? You seemed a lot better lately. You've even been getting some of your memories back. What do you think triggered this? Maybe that girl that recognized you?"

"I guess," Chris shrugged. "It was unnerving. She practically launched herself at me when she hugged me and I sort of panicked, because I knew I couldn't stop her, or anyone else. Then everyone seemed to be staring at me and I just wanted to get the hell away from there before someone else grabbed me…"

Darren smiled sadly and held his hand. "I'm glad it was just a teenage girl, though. It could've been a lot worse. I'm glad it was someone fairly non-threatening."

"I know. It was probably an over-reaction on my part," Chris sighed.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that it could have been some weird, crazy stalker or whatever…"

"Whoa, Dare, you are _not_ helping…" Chris said, eyes wide in alarm.

Darren rolled his eyes at himself. "Sorry. Not what I meant. But you know not everyone out there has good intentions. I just… I'm just really happy nothing worse happened to you… I just can't deal with the thought of you in trouble."

Chris nodded again, and Darren decided it was time to change the subject.

"So," his smiled became more playful, less serious. "What else had you planned for our date night?"

Chris loved how Darren used the word date. For some reason, it sent warmth all over him. "Not much, really. I should probably make some dessert…"

"Forget about dessert," Darren stood up and held his hand out for Chris. He did so without a second of hesitation, trusting Darren implicitly. "I have other plans."

Chris blinked in confusion as he allowed Darren to pulled him into the living room and down onto the couch. He sat there as Darren went back to the hallway, only to return a few seconds later with a little stack of boxes in his arms.

"Board games?" Chris asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, board games are a ton of fun," Darren answered haughtily, putting them down on the coffee table. "Although," he added, putting one of the boxes aside, "I'm not ever playing Scrabble with you again. You always humiliate me."

"Oh, do I?" Chris said playfully, as he watched Darren opening a box to pull a board out of it.

"Yes. You're too damn smart. It's not fair. You already have the looks, so why do you have to have the brains, too?" Darren pouted, and then sat on the floor, and grabbed Chris' hand to tug him down, too.

They played for hours, laughing and moving from game to game without pausing, except to refill their glasses with wine. Chris leaned in and kissed him while Darren was shaking the dice quite energetically, because it was the only way he could show his appreciation for what Darren had done. He had managed, with something as simple as a few games, to take Chris' mind off of what had happened earlier, and to give him a soothing sense of normality that he had lost for a moment.

When they finished with yet another game, Darren put the board away and then stood up. Chris thought he was going to say it was time to go to bed, but instead Darren stretched a plastic mat out on the floor. Chris quirked a doubtful eyebrow.

"Twister? Really, Dare? You want to play Twister now?" Chris chuckled.

"Of course! You can't have a game night without Twister! It's like having cookies without milk!" Darren said, as if it was obvious. He spun the little wheel on the board. "I call first move! Left hand, red."

Chris was about to protest again, saying it was late and that the dishes were still on the table and the kitchen was a mess and that Darren had work in the morning, but he forgot about all of that when Darren bent over to place his hand on the right spot. His ass, covered in perfect, dark, tight denim, was on full display and Chris felt his mouth go dry.

"Come on! Are you going to play or not?" Darren exclaimed from under his elbow, snapping Chris out of his daze. He scrambled to get up and spin the wheel, too. "Whee!"

They played for a while, their bodies dangerously entwined on more than one occasion, until Darren overbalanced, dragging Chris down with him with a whoop. They laughed until their stomachs hurt, but neither of them seemed to want to untangle themselves. Darren ended up wrapping his arms around Chris' waist and tugging him even closer, until their faces were mere inches apart.

"This was a really great date night," Darren whispered, the corners of his mouth curled into a little smile. "The food was delicious. Thanks."

"Thank _you_," Chris said, and he hated himself because his voice sounded slightly high-pitched. Darren was right _there_."I mean… that's why I wanted to do this. To thank you. For everything you've done for me. For everything you do."

Instead of replying, Darren simply moved forward until he could capture Chris' lips with his. Chris immediately kissed back, letting his fingers find their way into Darren's hair and groaning a little when Darren's tongue traced his bottom lip, asking for permission that he gladly granted. The way it felt when their tongues met and moved together for a moment, was like an electroshock running through their veins, like a million bees buzzing through their bodies, from their hair all the way to the tip of their toes. Darren's mouth then travelled down Chris' jaw, to his neck, where he kissed almost hungrily. Chris could feel desire growing inside of him, prickling his skin, and fought to keep his hips still, his eyes closing in ecstasy. Controlling his breathing was just more than he could deal with.

"We should do this more often," Darren breathed against the curve of his neck, then tasted him with his tongue.

"This?" Chris repeated blankly. He couldn't think clearly when Darren's teeth were scraping the sensitive spot behind his ear so deliciously.

"Date nights," Darren replied, his voice hoarse. "It's my turn next week."

"Mm, I think I'd like that…" Chris muttered, using his graps on Darren's hair to pull him in for another kiss.

Darren groaned as his hands tightened on Chris' waist. "We should stop."

Chris whined. "Why?"

"Because it feels too good," Darren bit his lower lip and then soothed it with his tongue, teasingly.

Chris whimpered, wanting more.

"See?"

"I hate it when you're right," he mumbled, dropping his head on Darren's shoulder.

He could feel Darren's laughter vibrating against his chest. "I just don't want to let things move too fast and make you uncomfortable."

"I hate it when you're a gentleman," Chris said in a monotone, and Darren laughed harder.

"Well, one of us has to be…"

"Hey!" Chris smacked Darren's shoulder.

"Just kidding, just kidding," Darren chuckled, rolling his eyes. He caressed Chris' cheekbone almost reverently. "You're a gentleman, too."

Chris smiled and moved in for another kiss, not caring that they needed to stop. It just felt too good to be in Darren's arms, where nothing else mattered. He forgot about everything when Darren looked at him like that.

Maybe his old memories were never going to come back, but at that point, Chris didn't care, because the new ones he was creating were amazing enough to make him the happiest he could ever be.

* * *

**So, there we have it! I hope you enjoyed! Please review :)**

**I'll do my best to update again next weekend, but my days are getting crazier and crazier, so I may be too busy to get chapter 13 up. Please be patient! I'll be back with more as soon as I can.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**L.-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hiiii guys!**

**I'm back after my little hiatus. I'm so sorry I couldn't update last weekend! It was a very crazy week, and it'll continue to be crazy until Thursday, but I wanted to take a moment and give you chapter 13. You deserve it for being so patient!**

**As usual, my beta was amazing, is amazing and will be amazing forever. So all my love goes to Wutif!**

**I own nothing. Enjoy!**

* * *

Darren put the remote down on the coffee table after turning the TV off, and looked at Chris with a grin. "And that's what you missed on Glee."

Chris rolled his eyes and snuggled a little closer to Darren, yawning drowsily. It was late but they had decided to finish watching the last few previous episodes that night. He had confirmed with the producers and directors of the show that he would be returning next week, and Chris wanted to do all he could to prepare for it.

"It feels so weird to think that's me, on the screen," he muttered sleepily. "And if I hadn't watched you get into character so many times, I wouldn't believe you and Blaine are the same guy either."

"You, on the other hand, are stunningly handsome no matter who you're portraying," Darren said with a flirty tone that made Chris roll his eyes again. He leaned in and kissed Chris' lips softly. "How are you feeling about coming back now that you've watched all the episodes?"

"Scared, to be honest," Chris replied thoughtfully. "I have no idea how I managed to get through all those dance routines without breaking any bones."

"I think you have had the occasional slight injury, actually," Darren frowned. He ran his fingers through Chris' hair. "But there's nothing to be scared of. They'll take it easy on you until you get used to it again."

"I hope so," Chris stretched his arms over his head, lazily. He finally patted Darren's knee and moved in for one last quick kiss. "I think I'm going to go to bed now."

"Okay," Darren pulled him back in before he had time to stand up and kissed him deeper. "Goodnight," he whispered against his lips.

Chris smiled blankly, trying not to show Darren what kissing him like that did to him, because what else was he supposed to do? "Goodnight, Dare."

Darren watched him climb up the stairs and then sighed in contentment, willing his heart rate to slow down. It always seemed to race when Chris was around lately. Or when he thought about Chris. Or when he talked about Chris. Or when someone mentioned some random guy named Chris.

Yes, Darren was head over heels, and he wasn't afraid to admit that to himself. At least for now, it seemed to be the only thing he could do. Besides kicking his feet and squealing into his pillow when he was sure no one was looking, of course.

* * *

As he walked into the sound stage to film his very first scene with Lea, Chris wouldn't let go of Darren's hand. He didn't care about the people looking at them with arched eyebrows or the way they whispered about them, he only cared about getting the support he needed when he was about to pass out from nerves, and he knew the best way to feel safer was to have Darren glued to him.

"Relax," Darren murmured in his ear, and apparently he didn't care about the whispers, either, because he kissed his cheek sweetly. "You're going to be fantastic."

Chris stopped in his tracks, anxiously looking around with his eyes wider than normal. "What if I forget all my lines? I mean, it's a possibility. The amnesic guy forgetting his lines wouldn't exactly be a shock, right? Maybe we should go home. Yes! Let's go home. I think I saw some popcorn in the cupboard. We can make popcorn and watch movies and…"

"Honey," Darren said, and it was the natural way the endearment rolled off Darren's tongue that made Chris turn to look at him, his babbling suddenly silent. "It doesn't matter if your memory is back or not, whether you can remember things that happened to you before the accident or if there's only a blank space slate. And you know why it doesn't matter? Because you were born to shine, Chris. You were born to be here, to let everyone see how fucking talented you are." Chris' face relaxed with a soft smile. "And even if you do forget any of your lines, nothing bad will happen. Everyone forgets their lines every now and then. The crew will be very patient with you, and if they aren't, I will personally kick their asses, okay?"

Chris chuckled and leaned closer to him. "Okay."

"Great." Darren opened Chris' bag and fished the script out of it. "I'll keep this, and if you need me to, I'll help you."

"Thanks, Dare," Chris sighed and rested their foreheads together. "What would I do without you?"

Darren pecked him on the lips very quickly. "Let's not find out."

Chris' breath caught when he realized how lucky he was, but before he could say anything, Lea was racing towards them with the biggest smile on her face, miraculously not tripping over anything with the unbelievably high heels she was wearing.

"Chris!" She squealed, throwing her arms around him. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're finally back!"

Darren placed his hand on the small of Lea's back. "Easy, Lea, let him breathe."

Chris shoot him a quick glance to reassure him he was okay and hugged Lea back with almost the same enthusiasm. "I'm really happy to be here. I just hope I won't screw up too much."

"You'll be marvelous," Lea said, still grinning from ear to ear. She took a step back so she could look at both boys. "So... You two look awfully cuddly."

A blush bloomed on Chris' face, but he didn't say anything. His blue eyes met Darren's hazel ones for a moment.

"I'm just here to support him," Darren muttered charmingly, snaking his arm around Chris' waist to pull him closer. Chris leaned against him easily.

Lea wasn't fooled by the nonchalance in his words. She knew better. Chris had never been very touchy-feely, especially not with guys, always keeping a respectful distance. Not even when Darren bounced his way into their lives and started hugging and snuggling the shit out of everyone did Chris change his aversion towards physical contact. And yet, here he was, nestled in Darren's arms, as comfortable as if that was exactly the place where he belonged.

Lea smirked and leaned a bit closer to use a conspiratorial tone. "Sure you are."

She winked and turned to walk towards the make-up assistant that wanted to double check that she was ready for the scene.

Chris took a deep breath once Lea had left, and Darren felt how his body vibrated with the return of his anxiety.

"Hey," he said softly, making Chris face him. " I'll be sitting right here with the script. You've got this."

Chris looked into his eyes, as if he was searching for something. The earnest way Darren gazed back at him, always so open, so trustful, so sweet, helped him relax, and his levels of anxiety decreased slowly. He squeezed Darren's hand.

"I've got this."

* * *

Sitting on his chair during a break so the lightning crew could make some adjustments, Chris sighed in contentment. Things were going great, so much better than he'd ever imagined they would. He had only messed up his lines twice, and it hadn't been because he couldn't remember them, but because he was a little nervous. No one seemed to mind, though, and Chris was feeling a lot better.

He took a sip of water and watched as the people around him made constant adjustments to lights, cameras and mics. Darren had run off to the bathroom for a moment, but Chris was calm sitting there on his own in this sea of people he couldn't remember. They all smiled at him, waved at him, treated him with kindness, and he couldn't help feeling comfortable there. As if he was right in his element.

"So, you and Darren," a voice next to him said meaningfully. He turned to see Lea sitting by his side, smiling that big, knowing smile of hers.

Chris quirked an eyebrow, trying to hedge. "What do you mean?"

Lea nudged him with her elbow. "Something's going on there, isn't it?"

Chris wasn't sure he had an answer to that. Yes, they kissed every now and then (well, a lot more often lately. Several times a day, actually. And they'd had a few nice make out sessions that were replaying constantly in Chris' head), and they had date nights, and Darren was always touching... but did that mean was there something going on? Were they filling a void they both felt or were they really becoming more than friends? Chris knew what he felt for Darren, but he had no idea what (_if_) Darren felt for him.

Lea shifted a bit on her seat. "Hey," she muttered, making him turn to her. "If I'm making you uncomfortable, just say the word and I won't mention this again."

"It's fine," he patted her hand. "I just really don't know what to say."

"Oh," Lea nodded understandingly. "Well, Darren is a great guy."

Chris smiled. "He really is."

"I always thought he was sort of perfect for you," Lea admitted and Chris looked at her in surprise.

"How come?" Chris asked curiously.

"It seemed like you have the right balance, you know?" Lea shrugged. "Life wasn't always easy for you, and Darren's like this bright presence that can sweep all the worries away. He's open, fun, kind... You always had to be careful with your sexuality when you were younger because you were afraid people would judge you for it, and he doesn't give a damn about gender. He just loves everybody. He's like the fresh air you've always needed..."

Chris blinked dumbly at her words. He'd discovered two things from them: Lea was clearly an amazing friend that he needed to keep close even if he couldn't remember the first years of their friendship, and that loving having Darren around him made even more sense now, as if seeing about the dynamics of their friendship (relationship?) through someone else's eyes suddenly made him see everything in a different light.

Before he could put his thoughts in order and find an appropriate answer for Lea, Darren was back. He dropped down on a chair next to Chris and smiled widely.

"What are we talking about?" He asked.

Chris looked at him and saw, for a moment, what he could gain if he took a chance. A chance to be loved, a chance to share this new life with someone, a chance to be happy.

Darren's smile wavered but didn't disappear. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Instead of answering, Chris moved closer and kissed him. It was quick, chaste and soft, but it was heartfelt, and it took Darren's breath away.

They gazed into each other's eyes when they pulled away, intensely, as if trying to make a decision without the need to talk about it. But then Lea squaled excitedly and the moment was gone.

"You two are so adorable!"

Chris rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were red and he wouldn't look at her. Darren chuckled and pressed his forehead against Chris' temple, his breath brushing his cheek when he spoke.

"You know, I think we really are."

* * *

Chris' first week back to work was a lot more relaxed than he had imagined. They didn't give him many scenes to start with (and definitely _no_ musical numbers) and those few were with only two characters: Lea's and Darren's. He was grateful for the sensitivity of the crew and the writers, who obviously didn't want to overwhelm him. And he was very happy that he had made the decision to give this a try.

He felt better. He felt capable of doing so much more. Yes, there was still a black hole in his memory, but that didn't stop him from living his life now. Even if he'd lost part of his old one, he could enjoy the new one.

Darren was wonderful. He was always supportive, and he even went to work on days when he wasn't scheduledto, merely to be there for Chris.

On Friday, they left Chris' trailer and started towards the parking lot, ready to head home at the end of the day, when Darren laced their hands together and tugged him closer.

"I'd like to take you out to dinner to celebrate your first week back in the business," he said with a smile.

Chris snuggled against his side as they walked. "Really?"

"Of course. You can pick where we go," Darren answered, wrapping his arm around his waist and tucking him against his body. "Or we can pick up some food and have one of our date nights in. Whatever you're in the mood for."

Chris dropped his head on Darren's shoulder. "Going out sounds really good."

He still didn't go out much, especially after the incident at the grocery store. But he was tired of being a prisoner in his own house. He only went to work these days, and even though that was a welcomed change, he still wanted _more_.

The drove around LA for a while, since they weren't hungry yet, talking and laughing and basically unwinding after a long day. The scene they had filmed that day had been quite emotional and they both needed to relax and get rid of the leftover tension.

Finally Chris pointed to one restaurant that looked good from the outside, so they decided to try it. They parked the car and went inside, where the hostess met them with a bright smile.

"Table for two?" She said.

"Yes, please," Darren nodded, as he put his hand on the small of Chris' back as they followed her into the main room.

They sat at a nice little table at the back of the restaurant and the waiter immediately gave them the menus and said he would be right back to take their orders. They scanned the menu for a while, and once the waiter took their orders, they took the time to look around more thoroughly.

"This is a really nice place," Darren commented. "I've never been here before."

Chris glanced at the clean white walls, tall ceilings and large windows that showed a really great view of LA. The place was big and quite elegant, music was playing softly over their heads and the tables were beautifully set. It seemed to Chris that it was a great place for a date, but then he frowned.

"You haven't?" He asked, turning to Darren. "Are you sure?"

It was Darren's turn to frown. "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know…" Chris took another look around, thoughtful. "I feel like I've been here before, like I'm having some kind of dejà vu."

"I honestly don't know if you ever came here," Darren shrugged. "Maybe with Ashley?"

"I'll have to ask her," Chris leaned over the table and smiled at Darren. "Later. Right now, I'm just glad to be here with you."

"Well… you deserve to celebrate after such an amazing week," Darren winked at him just as the waiter brought their drinks.

"Oh, shut up," Chris rolled his eyes at Darren before looking up at the waiter. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'll be back with your food soon," he said, as he walked away.

It wasn't until after they had finished their food (Darren ordered a seabass filet and wouldn't leave Chris alone until he tried it, and then he tried some of Chris' steak with mushroom sauce), that the trivial conversation faded away. Chris realized things had gotten serious when Darren cleared his throat and looked at him without any trace of amusement in his ridiculously gorgeous face.

"So… I've been meaning to ask you something for a few days now and I've been waiting for the right moment," Darren said quietly.

Chris ignored the anxiety creeping up in him. Darren hardly ever looked solemn and apprehensive. "Really? What is it?"

"Well… you know how things have sort of…" Darren was using lots of hand gestures and it didn't help to soothe Chris at all. "You know, things have changed between us. Lately we've been getting a lot closer… closer in a way that isn't typical of most 'best friends' and…"

Chris deflated without being able to help himself. "It's making you uncomfortable," he said darkly.

"What?" Darren's eyes went wide. "No! That's exactly the opposite of what I was going to say!"

The painful bubbling in Chris' stomach settled for a moment. "Oh… it is?"

"Yeah!" Darren looked at him as if he thought he was crazy. "Why would I kiss you as much as I do if it made me uncomfortable?"

Chris took a sip of his wine, feigning nonchalance. "I don't know, Darren, you're sort of a weird guy."

Darren laughed wholeheartedly. "Well, you're right about that," he reached for Chris' hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "What I was actually going to ask is if you consider this thing between us as something as important as I do. Because I'd really like us to be on the same page, and I want to make sure I'm not getting ahead of myself…"

"How would you be getting ahead of yourself?" Chris asked, suddenly awfully interested in running the pad of his thumb over Darren's knuckles.

Darren smiled and leaned even closer. "Let's say a friend of mine walks in right now and comes over to say hi, so I have to introduce you. What would happen if I introduced you as my boyfriend?"

Chris was really trying to play it cool, but his breath hitched at the sound of that word and he knew he'd failed. "I actually think…" he said with some difficulty, "that would be really, really nice…"

"Come here," Darren muttered, reaching across the table to cup Chris' face, as if he couldn't stop himself, and pulled him in for a soft kiss that Chris _had_ to smile into.

They had to pull away when the waiter came back to take their empty plates, and they grinned bashfully at each other as they waited to be alone again. The waiter asked them if they wanted any dessert and Darren said he would prefer a cup of coffee instead, so Chris decided to ask for one, too.

They were silent for a few minutes, and it seemed a little awkward, but it felt like the good kind of awkward, so Chris wasn't exactly worried about it. And then he started chuckling.

"What?" Darren asked, smiling so widely that his face nearly split in two.

"I'm just thinking about what Ashley will say when she finds out about this," Chris replied, biting his lip.

"Ooh, that'll be fun to watch," Darren said, rubbing his hands together.

While they drank their coffees, they plotted different ways to break the news to Ashley, and which one would likely get the funniest reaction. Chris drew the line when Darren suggested taking pictures of them making out and emailing them to her, but he did like the idea of filming her reaction so they could tease her about it for the rest of her life.

They didn't know exactly how long they were there, but eventually Chris had to stifle a yawn. Darren looked down at his watch, and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"Wow, it's late," he said, and then his hazel eyes went back to Chris. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," Chris answered, still unable to stop smiling at him.

Darren paid the bill and then they walked out, holding hands, and Chris felt a shiver going down his spine. Did that really happen to him? Was he the kind of guy who would end up with the perfect boyfriend? Had he been that guy all along? Was this a dream he was going to wake up from any minute now and find out he had been actually cuddling with Brian in his bed the entire time?

Chris' cellphone buzzed in his pocket just as they went into the parking lot to get the car. He let go of Darren's hand to fish it out and trailed behind him to open a text message from Ashley, asking him how he felt about his first whole week back in the show. He felt tempted to tell her about what had just happened with Darren, but decided to wait and tell her face to face instead, so he hit reply and started typing.

Since he wasn't really paying attention where he was going, he almost tripped, but managed to straighten up just on time. His phone slipped from his hands and fell to the ground, and then multiple things happened at the same time.

The first was a paralyzing fear that shook him to the core, immediately followed by a flash of images that seemed to burn his eyes, so he closed them. But with his eyes closed, the images only got brigther, clearer. He could see his phone on the ground even through his eyelids, but then he realized that it wasn't the same phone. He could hear a voice from it that sounded like Ashley's, calling his name desperately.

He was shaking, as if he was standing in the cold, completely helpless. He felt dizzy and he blindly reached for something to lean on, finding a concrete column between two cars and resting his back against it, only to be pummeled by more images, this time of a dirty, deranged man who kept pushing him and yelling at him furiously. Chris could feel his hands on him and wanted to shove them off, but he couldn't.

It was _here_. This was where he had been attacked and the restaurant he'd just left was the one he'd gone to that night. His memories slapped him in the face as they all returned in a rush, childhood images mixed with high school memories and ideas he'd had and things he had done. It was confusing and dizzying. It was all back so soon that he barely had time to catch his breath. And then there were hands on his face and his eyes snapped open in horror, only to find a beautiful pair of hazel eyes staring back at him with concern.

"Chris?" Darren asked, frowning. "Whats wrong? What's happening?"

And the second slap came as everything that had happened with Darren rushed through his head, from the moment they'd met, until a few minutes ago when they had been holding hands as if they would be lovers forever.

This was Darren, his best friend.

His new _boyfriend_.

"Chris, honey, you're scaring me," Darren gave him a tight, nervous smile. "Say something, please."

How had all of this happened? How had he ended getting romantically involved with his best friend? How had his life turned into this crazy ride? He looked at Darren, wide-eyed and scared shitless. what was going on? Was he actually in love with Darren? Or was the part of Chris that felt that for him, the part that had vanished now that his memory had returned? Would things just go back to the way they'd been before? Would Darren take back his words? Would everything stop and disappear? Would it be as if it had never happened?

"Chris? Baby, gosh, please…" Darren sounded desperate now, fear evident in his face.

"I'm fine," Chris managed to say in a choked voice. "I'm fine."

"Fuck, thannk god," Darren muttered under his breath, relief washing over him. "What happened? Why did you stop dead like that? Are you not feeling okay?"

"I… I don't know," Chris mumbled, confused. "I…"

_Tell him. Tell him your memory is back. Tell him._

"Was it another flash?" Darren asked, earnestly. "A new memory?"

_Yes, all of them._ "I…"

"Sweetheart, you're shaking like a leaf," Darren started rubbing his arms up and down as soothingly as he could.

_Tell him._

_But he'll leave._

_What are you going to do? Keep lying to him? _

_He'll leave. If I tell him everything's come back, he'll leave…_

_You can't do this to him._

_I don't know if I can watch him walk away._

_You're probably not even in love with him. The part of you that didn't know who you were was._

_Maybe I am, too. Maybe we were the same guy all along. Maybe memories aren't that important._

_You can't keep lying to him!_

"I don't know what happened," Chris shook his head slowly. "Maybe it was… maybe it was the w-wine?"

_Liar._

Darren smiled softly. "You're such a light weight, Colfer. Let me help you to the car, okay? I'll get your phone for you." He wrapped his arm around Chris' waist and started leading him to the car, stopping to grab his BlackBerry from the ground. "Jeez. You scared me for a minute. I thought something awful was happening to you…"

"I'm fine," Chris repeated, because what did it matter, lying one more time, on top of all the others?

In the grand scheme of things, saying he was fine when he wasn't, wasn't Chris' biggest lie.

* * *

**This is the beginning of the end! What did you guys think about it? Review and let me know!**

**Thanks so much for reading! I'm definitely going back to updating on schedule now, so I'll see you all again next weekend :)**

**Love you! **

**L.-**


	14. Chapter 14

**Guys. GUYS. I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR THIS TERM. Yes!**

**So... Hello! I'm back and I'm almost completely free for a month (I still have to work, but school was the biggest pain the ass, seriously). As a celebration, I decided to update early again. You deserve it for being so patient and so wonderful. Thanks so much for putting up with me and for sending the most amazing reviews ever!**

**That said, I'd like to thank my beta for her endless help, love and positive thoughts! She's the best. Seriously.**

**Enough babbling. Let's move on to the chapter. I own nothing! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chris sighed and curled around his pillow, feeling the warm bump against his leg that meant Brian was sleeping on his bed. He let consciousness wash over him gradually, listening with his eyes closed to the sounds coming from downstairs, where Darren probably was already making breakfast...

His eyes snapped open and he sat up so abruptly that Brian huffed in annoyance and jumped off the bed.

Darren was at his house because he'd been taking care of him after he was attacked and he'd woken up in the hospital unaware of who he was. And now his memories were back but Darren didn't know it because Chris was a coward and a bad person.

Yes. That sounded like an accurate summary of the events.

Chris flopped back against the pillows, miserably. What the hell was he doing? He couldn't keep hiding the truth from Darren. He needed to go down to the kitchen right now and talk to him...

What was he so afraid of anyway?

Maybe he was afraid because, at least a tiny part of him liked the life he'd had since he had lost his memory. Of course he didn't like not knowing who he was, getting disoriented and not being able to be independent, but he did like the fact that the friendships he'd had before the accident had intensified, become stronger. Ashley and Darren meant even more to him now that he could see how vital they were to his happiness, how he could always count on them, how they never gave up on him. And they way his friendship with Darren had evolved into something else…

That was the scariest part.

It felt good. Far too good, actually. Chris couldn't remember (and this time it wasn't because of his amnesia) when he had felt that comfortable around another guy, when he had managed to have a relationship that felt even half as good as what he had with Darren.

But it wasn't real, was it? Because he wasn't in love with Darren. They were friends who had confused their relationship because of Chris' dependence. That's it.

Once Chris talked to him and told him he was back to being the Chris he had always been, Darren would put an end to this _thing_ they had barely started and everything would go back to normal.

They would go back to being best friends and co-stars. Back to living separatedly. Back to Chris spending his Friday nights writing while Darren went out on dates that kept giving Darren new funny stories to tell. Like that one time a girl had tried to seduce him by sucking on an ice-cube and he had ended up having to drive her to the emergency room when she almost choked on it.

Right. Everything would be back to normal.

Chris' chest tightened for some reason.

His bedroom door opened slowly, and Darren tiptoed into the room, obviously trying not to wake him up. He was carrying a tray with breakfast, and when he saw Chris peering back at him, he beamed brightly.

"Oh, hey! Good morning!" Darren put the tray carefully on the bed and leaned to kiss Chris' cheek. "I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

"I'm very surprised," Chris said, blinking dumbly at him. "You didn't have to, Dare."

"I wanted to," Darren replied, climbing on the opposite side of the bed, and pulling the tray closer. "There's toast, eggs, some bacon and freshly squeezed orange juice. Your coffee already has two sugars, just the way you like it."

Chris' stomach twisted painfully. He hated to give this up – this intimacy, this feeling of being completely adored, this warmth that spread all over him just by having Darren so close.

No, he couldn't go back to being friends, and he couldn't tell him the truth.

* * *

It was weird pretending to be walking through a world that he didn't quite recognize. Chris had never felt so bad about anything in his life, but the clasp of Darren's hand in his as they went from the trailers to the set, the brightness of his smile, his incessant happy chattering and the little kisses randomly pressed against his lips, kept his mouth shut and his heart sinking in his chest.

Yes, what he was doing was terrible. Betraying Darren's trust was terrible. But... after all the crap that had happened to Chris in his life, wasn't it understandable that he would try to cling to the good things, even if they were nothing but a lie?

When guilt weighed him down too much, Chris would snuggle against Darren's side, breathe him in, and tell himself that he was only dragging it out a little longer, just a bit, and then he would let go, do the right thing, take whatever punishment he deserved.

But he needed Darren for just a little longer.

* * *

Leaning over the bar, Chris tried to make his voice audible over the sound of the music and the other dozens of conversations going on. "A glass of white wine and a rum and coke, please."

"Coming right up," the bartender said, moving quickly and efficiently to get the drinks ready.

Ashley was eying him with a frown when Chris turned back to her.

"What?" He asked insecurely. If anyone could see right through him and expose his every secret with just a glance, it was Ashley.

"You seem different," she said thoughtfully. "More confident, maybe. More like the old you."

"Really?" Chris avoided her eyes by looking around the bar, pretending he was trying to find a table. "I don't feel any different."

Ashley shrugged. "Maybe being with Darren is helping you. God knows that guy can make even a leper happy. I don't know what it is about him. He's just..."

"Brilliant? Caring? Sweet? Amazing?" Chris offered, when she still seemed to be floundering for the right word.

Smirking, Ashley winked at him. "I was going to say that he's a pain in the ass who would annoy the fuck out of anyone just to get them to let loose and forget about everything else, but never mind."

"Oh," Chris bit his lip.

"So you're in love with him. That's great. There's no need to look like you're doing something wrong," Ashley shrugged again and then pointed behind Chris to indicate the bartender was back with their drinks. Chris thanked him, dropped a twenty before he grabbed them, and then they started making their way across the bar to one of the few empty tables left. "I've already told you that I think he's good for you."

"I know he is," Chris muttered as they sat on opposite sides of the table. "I'm just a little... worried about how things could turn out."

Ashley studied him closer, as if she was trying to see beyond his blue eyes and pale skin. "Mm... I'd say... Marriage within three years, two kids within the next five. I'll be the surrogate for the first one, a lovely girl you'll call Ashley to honor me, and the second will be an adorable Etiopian boy with an exotic name that Darren will mispronounce until the poor kid is fifteen and sick of it."

Chris rolled his eyes and ignored the way his heart fluttered in his chest at just the thought of being married to Darren. "Ashley, you're ridiculous."

"Not sorry, Colfer. That's the way I actually see it," Ashley took a sip of her wine. "And I may actually agree to giving you a third baby, if you would agree to creating it in the traditional way."

Chris snorted into his drink. "I knew you were going to say something like that. You still don't accept it's a lost cause, do you?"

The ghost of the smile Ashley was trying to hold back disappeared, and she narrowed her eyes. "You knew?"

Chris' breath hitched when he realized what he had said. "Well, it's not the first time you've offered me sex."

"I should've taken advantage of you when you didn't remember you were gay," Ashley sighed, feigning disappointment in herself. "I could've convinced you I was your girlfriend. I could've gotten acquainted with your dick by now."

Chris laughed and covered his face with his hands. "Oh my god, that's the creepiest thing I've ever heard."

"I'm fine with being creepy," Ashley answered, running her thumb around the edge of her glass. "It keeps things interesting." She watched him laugh for a moment, and then asked, "I'm not ruining any plans with Darren by asking you to have a few drinks with me, am I? I should've probably asked before I dragged you out into my car."

"No, he had a late night at work," Chris said. "They were filming a big group number and they're going to be stuck there until they're done. I was just going to write a little bit and then go to bed."

"Something about you really seems off," Ashley muttered, looking at him carefully. "Has anything new happened lately?"

There was a handful of people in Chris' life (Hannah, his mom, Darren, Ashley) who he had never been able to lie to. Not only because they could literally read the truth on his face, but because he'd always trusted them the most, because he knew they would never judge him, because he knew that, out of all people, they would be the ones to always stand by his side no matter what. He really didn't want to consciously lie to her.

But now he looked at Ashley and he felt that honesty was the last thing he could give her. Not yet. Not until he talked to Darren.

"Not really," he said as nonchalantly as he could. "I guess I'm just busier..."

"Then being busy looks good on you," she smiled fondly at him and patted his hand, before she clapped hers. "Okay, now. There's a tall, dark, handsome man sitting at the bar wearing a green shirt. Do you think he plays for my team? Because I'm this close to going over there and buying him a beer."

Chris chuckled, looking over his shoulder to see the man she was talking about. Part of him felt lighter: he was back, and every single thing he loved the most about his life (like Ashley and their easy conversation and teasing) was back, too. But another part of him felt heavier, because he knew he would hurt her when he finally confessed, like he was going to hurt Darren, and, unfortunately, that part seemed to worry him the most.

* * *

They had been watching a movie, relaxing on the couch after a long day at work, and Chris had no idea how they had ended up making out, hot and heavy, Darren on top of him and his hands tentatively grazed his golden skin under his t-shirt.

Darren's body was warm and solid against his, his weight just right. Chris was already having trouble breathing, panting into Darren's mouth. It had been so long since he had been with someone, since he had let go of everything, given in to his urges… and though Darren wasn't grinding, he thought he would probably start soon, if things progressed any farther.

Chris licked into Darren's mouth, feeling like he couldn't get enough of tasting him, and Darren groaned, moving even closer, pressing Chris farther into the cushions. It was like the temperature in the room was rising a thousand degrees at a time, and Darren was burning him, but Chris didn't care. He could turn into a cinder, and he wouldn't have cared.

Darren pulled away just enough to trail kisses along Chris' jaw, all the way up to his ear, where he nibbled a little bit on the lobe. His breath against Chris' skin was maddening, and Chris moaned weakly at the sensation.

"You have no idea how much I want you," Darren whispered and Chris' fingers tightened against his flat, perfect stomach.

"Please," Chris whimpered, rocking lightly against him. Their erections brushed for less than a second, but the sensations made both of them feel like they had been electrocuted.

"Do you want me to take you upstairs and show you how much?" Darren teased, as he licked a line down the column of Chris' neck.

Chris was too far gone to even stop and think about it. "_Yes_."

Darren scrambled to stand up and tugged on Chris' arm to make him follow. They stumbled up the stairs, stopping every few steps to press each other against the wall and kiss some more. By the time they made it to the hallway that led to Chris' room, Darren had already lost his shirt, his curls were a mess, and Chris' jeans were unbuttoned and his cheeks were flushed.

Darren trapped Chris against the wall again and sucked on his favorite spot on his neck, knowing Chris would be upset about him leaving a mark, but wanting to see the pale skin reddening and bruising anyway.

"I'm going to be very blunt for a second," Darren said as he soothed the hickey with his tongue. "But I want to fuck you _so_ bad, Chris..."

Chris whimpered again and pushed Darren off him. His fingers were suddenly finding their way into the mess that Darren's hair was, and pulling at it with a little more strength than necessary as Chris brought him in for a kiss so needy and desperate that it ended up being nothing but teeth and tongue.

"Let's go to bed," Chris muttered breathlessly once the kiss ended. He grabbed Darren's hand and guided him into his bedroom, closing the door behind them so Brian wouldn't jump onto the bed at the worst possible moment.

They stood next to the bed and simply looked at each other, pupils blown and chests heaving. Chris let his eyes trail down Darren's body, following every line, every dip, every muscle, every patch of hair. Darren licked his lips and let him watch, loving how turned on Chris was just by looking at him.

"Chris..." Darren practically whined, making Chris glance up at him. "If you don't touch me soon, I'll burst into flames."

"Well, we don't want that, do we?" Chris bit his lip and took a step closer, pressing the palm of his hand against Darren's chest, right where his heart was beating wildly. It thumped against his fingers and Chris could've stayed like that forever, but there was so much more to touch, to feel, to kiss...

By a silent, mutual agreement, they started undressing each other carefully, sneaking soft little caresses here and there, making the other's breath hitch by brushing a nipple or a particularly sensitive spot on their sides. When they were finally in nothing but their underwear, they moved to the bed, lying next to each other and immediately diving in for a kiss, getting as close as they could, and feeling the intense waves of warmth emanating from the other. Darren hooked one of his legs to the back of Chris', aligning their crotches and rocking slightly, not enough for the friction to be what they needed, but enough to drive both of them crazy with need and desire.

There was a fog clouding Chris' brain, not letting him see or think about nothing else but how their bodies fit together, how nice it was to have Darren's skin against his, how he never wanted this to end. It was all he could focus on, keeping Darren there, getting the relief he needed, giving Darren everything he asked for. Nothing else existed for Chris, just this moment, these sheets, this man.

"Get on your back. I want to... Please," Darren muttered as Chris' teeth scraped against his neck lightly.

Chris obliged and Darren immediately positioned himself to hover over him. His hazel eyes wandered, taking in every inch of pale, smooth skin at his disposal, before lowering his mouth to suck on Chris' collarbone.

From there, his lips started trailing down, stopping every now and then to kiss, nibble and suck. Chris' breath kept getting heavier and heavier every second, with every swirl of Darren's tongue over his nipples, with the light scrath of his teeth over the soft curve of his ribs.

When Darren's mouth was just inches away from Chris' cotton-covered erection and he could feel his hot breath through the fabric, it took all of Chris' strength not to grab his own cock and push it into Darren's mouth to seek the relief he so desperately needed. Darren, on the other hand, seemed to want to take his time, making a show of the way he moved closer and closer, kissing Chris' stomach and thighs, making him go insane and almost scream in frustration.

He finally hooked his fingers around the waistband of Chris' boxers and tugged them down. His hungry eyes roamed over Chris' naked body for just a second before he lowered his head and started mouthing at the shaft.

"_Darren_," Chris gasped, throwing his head back, knowing he would go insane if Darren made him wait any longer.

"Ssh, I've got you," Darren whispered as he licked from the base to the tip, before slowly sucking the head into his mouth.

It wasn't enough, Darren was just teasing him, and Chris had to stop himself from buckling his hips to fuck Darren's mouth, the way he really wanted to. Darren kept kissing along the shaft, not staying long in any one spot, moving on before Chris had time to truly let the pleasure wash over him.

"Do you have any lube?" Darren asked as he dipped the tip of his tongue in his slit, tasting Chris and moaning.

Chris had trouble remembering what those words meant for a second, and then he nodded shakily. "There's some i-in the top drawer."

Darren moved up his body, making Chris whine at the loss of his mouth. He chuckled and pressed a kiss to his lips quickly before reaching for the bedside table.

"Uhm, Chris?" He said after a couple of seconds of silence. His eyes were wide and his eyebrows had disappeared under the mess of curls falling on his forehead.

"What?" Chris asked, too busy circling Darren's nipple with his tongue.

"You have _some_ lube?"

At Darren's awed tone, Chris shifted so he could see. And then he dropped back on the bed, groaning. "Oh my god, I'm going to kill Ashley."

The drawer was full to the brim with an assortment of condoms and various flavors of lube. Chris had completely forgotten about Ashley leaving them there after his first date with Darren.

Darren bit his lip, trying to supress the laughter, and kissed Chris' cheek. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I think one will be more than enough for now," he teased, grabbing a bottle of lube and one of the condoms.

Chris opened his mouth, feeling a snarky remark about to roll off his tongue, but it died away when Darren went back to mouthing around the head of his cock.

The press of a slick finger against his entrance made Chris moan in desperation. Darren worked it inside, slowly at first, and then faster and harder as Chris stretched around it. He continued prepping him until he had three inside, and during this whole time he kept his mouth on Chris' cock, sucking and teasing, pushing him to the edge.

Chris dared to look down and was met with a pair of golden eyes watching him, with a fire burning in them. Darren _wanted_ him, he could see it in his face. It was so overwhelming that Chris had to look away, because he could feel his orgasm building already, and they weren't even close to done. Not yet.

Darren curled his fingers, pushing them against Chris' prostate and made him scream in pleasure. He rubbed at it a few times, loving how Chris arched off the bed every time, how his mouth fell open, how his perfect cock leaked pre-come on his pale, defined stomach. Darren leaned closer so he could lap at the slit, gathering all of Chris' taste in his tongue, and jerked his fingers in the right spot again, causing Chris to practically jump off the bed.

"P-please," Chris begged, panting. "Not gonna last. Please."

Darren scissored his fingers one last time and then carefully pulled them out. He sat back and reached for the condom, still watching Chris, incredulous. Chris' eyes were closed and he was panting hard, the most gorgeous thing Darren had ever seen. He slicked himself with one hand and stroked Chris' erection with the other one, lightly, mostly because he couldn't keep his hands off him.

Chris' lips were very red, almost bruised and Darren realized he had been biting on them to try and keep some control. He positioned himself between Chris' spread legs, the head of his cock barely inches away from Chris' entrance, and tried to kiss them better. Chris already looked well-fucked, and Darren hadn't even started yet.

Chris started pushing down, trying to get Darren to slip inside, and whined when he couldn't get him close enough. "Dare..."

"Yes, yes. I'm on it," Darren snapped out of his trance and lined up before sliding inside, surrounded by heat and tightness. A high-pitched sound came out of Chris and Darren rested his forehead on his.

"Dare... I can't..." Chris muttered brokenly, trying to move his hips and fuck himself on Darren's cock, taking him deeper and deeper.

"Shit, you feel so..." Darren moved back and thrust back in slowly, and that was all it took.

Chris threw his head back, his long neck exposed, and moaned brokenly as his cock twitched between them, shooting strings of come all over their chests and stomachs. Darren stopped and watched him, entranced. He was so beautiful like this, so vulnerable and strong at the same time...

Chris' eyes were shut tightly and he was panting violently. Darren was very still, buried inside of him, dropping kisses randomly on his chest, neck and lips, waiting for Chris to come down from the peak of his orgasm.

"Damn, you look so fucking pretty when you come, Chris..." Darren moaned, feeling the tightness around him and wanting to start thrusting again, but deciding to give Chris time first.

Once the waves of pleasure slowed and vanished, Chris opened his eyes. He blink up at the ceiling and then his gaze found Darren's. It was like the fog in his mind lifted, suddenly clearing. His arms and legs, both wrapped around Darren, fell on the bed, boneless, as his eyes went wide and his mouth gaped. His muscles stiffened and his chest felt suddenly constricted. He could hear his own pulse in his ears, and he remembered how he had felt when he was in the hospital and started having panic attacks. It felt a lot like this...

Darren must have noticed something was wrong because the smile on his face disappeared, being immediately replaced by a frown. He cupped Chris' face in his hands and looked at him, worried.

"Is everything okay?" Darren asked softly.

Chris shook his head, placed his hands on Darren's chest and tried to put some distance between them. Darren pulled out at once, still agonizingly hard and gorgeous and amazing. Chris' heart jumped painfully, aching deep inside of him. What had he done?

"Baby, what's wrong?" Darren was very close to freaking out.

"I shouldn't... We shouldn't have..." Chris sat up and reached for a blanket to cover himself.

Darren's face darkened. "I... Chris, I'm sorry. I thought you wanted this. I thought..."

He was using him. He was hurting him. Chris hid his face in his hands. He had let things go much too far, he'd let the lie grow and now he'd shared something with Darren that he wasn't supposed to...

"It's not you," Chris tried to assure him, even though he couldn't even look at him. "This is..."

"Did a memory come back? Did this remind you of something else that...?" Darren ventured.

That was enough. That was too much. Chris stood up abruptly, on his shaking legs, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself.

"I need time," he muttered brokenly. "Please, I need some time..."

"Of course, honey, I..." Darren started saying, standing up as well, trying to be soothing even though it was obvious this was breaking him into pieces, too. His erection had immediately faded when he saw how distraught Chris was.

But Chris didn't hear what else he had to say. He rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind him, leaving Darren naked, alone and scared in his bedroom.

* * *

Darren put his underwear back on and sat on the edge of the bed, letting his face drop onto his hands. Had he ruined this already? They hadn't talked about having sex, not seriously enough, at least, and maybe Chris wasn't ready for it. Mabe he'd done it as a heat-of-the-moment thing, and Darren sure as fuck didn't want their first time together to reawaken bad memories. Chris was already going through enough emotional turmoil. He didn't need this, too.

"Shit, I'm such an asshole," he whispered, holding back the need to cry. He needed to stay as calm as he could and be ready to talk to Chris when he came back.

He got dressed, trying to kill time somehow. But a few minutes passed, and the longer Chris stayed in the bathroom, the more impatient Darren became. Finally, he stood up and knocked on the door softly.

"Baby? Please, come talk to me," Darren begged softly, letting his head drop forward to rest on the white wood. "Come on. Just come out and tell me what's bothering you, so I can fix it…"

Only silence met his words and Darren started growing more and more desperate.

He knocked again.

"Chris. Just say something," he pressed his hand against the door, wishing he could touch Chris instead, reassure him, show him he was there. "You're killing me here."

Chris didn't open the door, but his voice travelled through it, weak, low, scratchy. "I'll be okay," he promised, even though he didn't sound very convincing. "Please, just leave me alone for a little while. I'll come out and talk to you soon. Please."

Leaving Chris alone was exactly the opposite of what Darren wanted to do, leaving Chris alone. But he knew he had to respect what he wanted. So he closed his eyes, swallowed with difficulty, and hoped that the time Chris needed would actually be useful.

"Fine. I'll… I'll go downstairs, make some coffee," Darren muttered. "We'll talk when you're ready. Just… I'm here, okay? Let me be here for you, Chris."

Again, there was no response. Darren sighed shakily and, feeling as if his legs were made of cement, he reluctantly walked out of the room and down the stairs, still wondering why he'd had to be so stupid.

* * *

Holding his breath, Chris waited until he could hear Darren downstairs to open the door and emerge from the bathroom. The blanket was still tightly wrapped around him, needing something to ground him as much as possible, but now he let it fall, grabbed his clothes and put them all back on determinedly.

It was time to stop. It was time to tell the truth.

He knew that. He was scared things were now broken beyond repair, but even if they were, Darren deserved the truth. He had been so amazing, so loving, so perfect all the time. He didn't deserve Chris betraying him, even if Darren didn't realize it.

Chris was shaking and there was a knot in his throat that kept getting bigger and bigger. Tears were clinging to his eyes, and he refused to let them fall. He didn't deserve to cry. He didn't deserve to feel sorry for himself. He was the only one to blame.

He tried calming down, but it was hard. He felt as if his whole world was falling down around him, and he knew he couldn't catch it in his hands before it shattered. And he also knew he couldn't talk to Darren until he was calm enough to give him the explanation Darren needed.

There were only two people who always managed to make Chris feel better, to sooth him, to give him some sort of peace. He needed them both now. Unfortunately, one of those two was downstairs, waiting for Chris to find him and tell him what was going on. The other… the other would probably punch him to a pulp, but before that, she would listen.

He grabbed his cellphone from the pocket of his jeans and speed dialed Ashley's number.

Ashley picked up after the second ring. "Please tell me you're calling to see if I want to hang out. I'm so bored I'm about to make out with my cat."

Chris bit his lip and told himself he didn't have the time to cry.

"Chris?" The playful tone in Ashley's voice disappeared and was instantly replaced by concern. "Are you there? What's going on?"

"I fucked up," Chris replied, and he barely recognized his own voice. "Ashley… I really fucked this up."

* * *

Darren was usually very patient and understanding, but when one of the most important things in his life was at risk, nothing else mattered. He became a ball of nerves and anxiety, and he could be unreasonable. He knew Chris said he needed some time, but he thought that he could at least give him a cup of coffee, make sure he was okay, and remind him he would be waiting for him whenever he was ready to talk. That was it. Darren would just go into the room for less than a minute and give him a coffee.

As he started climbing up the stairs, he could hear Chris' muffled voice. He wondered if Chris was maybe talking to himself, and he hoped the boy wasn't blaming himself for what had happened. It was all clearly Darren's fault. Why couldn't he just keep his dick in his pants?

But as he got closer, he realized, Chris was actually on the phone. He thought he heard Ashley's name aming the incessant babble coming from Chris' mouth. He hesitated. Maybe he should give him his space, go back to the kitchen and wait, like he'd said he would.

And then Darren heard his own name in a sentence that made him stay.

"I've been lying to Darren and I just… I can't anymore, okay?"

Darren frowned. Chris had lied to him? About what?

Against his better judgement, he took a few steps closer to the bedroom until Chris' voice was clear enough for him to hear every single word.

"He thinks I don't remember anything, and I remember every single fucking thing now, Ash. He's going to hate me once he finds out. And now we've slept together and I just…"

Darren heard a buzzing sound and the rest of what Chris was saying was drowned out by it. It grew louder and louder, with the whole world spinning uncontrollably around him.

What did Chris mean, that he remembered everything?

"You lied to me?" He muttered before he could stop himself. He hadn't realized he had walked to the door and pushed it until it was wide open. Chris turned with his eyes wide and alarmed. "You…"

"Darren…" Chris gasped, clutching his phone so tight that his knuckles went white. "Ashley, I'll call you later…"

Darren managed to put the cup of coffee down on the nightstand without spilling a drop, though he was shaking all over. He took a deep breath that did nothing to help him calm down. "What the fuck's going on here?"

"Please, Dare. Just hear me out," Chris said as soothingly as he could.

"What were you saying to Ashley?" Darren asked dully. His heart seemed to have stopped beating inside his chest, as if it was waiting for a reason to.

"I was…" Chris ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "I was telling her what I was too cowardly to tell you."

"How long have you been lying to me?" Darren said. He needed to know, even if he couldn't understand why Chris would do it.

Chris swallowed, looked away with guilt all over his face. "Since… since before our first date."

Darren's face scrunched miserably as he tried to fight back the tears. "Why?"

"B-because while you were in New York, doctor Malkin told me I could start living on my own. And I really didn't want you to go. So I started… I started lying," Chris confessed. His face was paler than Darren had ever seen it, and he looked as if he was going to be sick, but Darren couldn't bring himself to feel bad for him. Not now. "A-and then I remembered everything, but I…"

"Today. Tell me what happened today," Darren interrupted, because he wasn't sure he could be near Chris for much longer. His heart was breaking and he couldn't stand to be there and watch Chris while he stepped on the pieces.

"What happened today shouldn't have happened at all," Chris said bitterly. "I lost my mind for a while. And then when I was finally able to see things clearly again, it was too late. I didn't want to do this while lying to you, while knowing I was…"

"How could you do this to me?" Darren closed his eyes. He wasn't going to cry. "I've done nothing but take care of you for months! I was here every second, making sure you were okay! I spent so many sleepless nights, just thinking how devastated you'd be if your memory never came back! And this is what you give me in return?"

"Darren, please…" Chris' eyes filled with tears and he took a step towards him, his heart squeezing with agony. "It wasn't… I needed to…"

"Don't bother with the excuses," Darren took a step back, away from him. He couldn't do this. "I don't want to hear it. Just save it."

"But I need to tell you that…"

"No," their eyes for the briefest of moments, and it was clear how broken they both were. "You've lied to me enough. You've said enough. I can't be with you right now…"

Darren turned around and walked out of the room, rushing through the hallway and down the stairs, moving faster with every step until he was nearly running away from him. Chris followed.

"Wait!" He exclaimed. "Just a minute, Darren, wait! I know you don't deserve this, and I know I don't deserve you, but I…"

Darren turned to face him so abruptly that Chris stumbled, but managed to catch himself just in time. Darren's cheeks were wet with the tears trailing down.

"You asked me to give you time and space, and I did," Darren answered sharply. "I gave you a lot more than you asked for. So now be a decent person, and let _me _have the time and space I need."

Chris' face contorted as he tried not to cry, but Darren told himself he couldn't let it affect him. He was not going to hold Chris against his chest to comfort him ever again. It was over.

Darren walked to the front door, grabbing his jacket and car keys quickly. He was going to storm out, but he already felt the words crawling up his throat, and he knew there was no way to stop them now.

"You know what the worse thing is?" He said, smiling sadly. "That I don't know if the Chris I'm in love with is the one who's been my friend for years, or the one that I thought I saw in you these past few months. But I guess neither of them are worth breaking my heart over."

He opened the door and walked out, slamming it behind him. He looked around, disoriented for a moment, because the place he always ran to when he needed comfort, was the one he had to run away from now.

* * *

**Please don't hate me for this! I hope you enjoyed despite the end!**

**I'll try updating early again next week. Probably around Thursday, so keep an eye open!**

**Thanks so much for reading. You guys are amazing!**

**L.-**


	15. Chapter 15

**I wasn't sure about updating this week, what with everything that happened, but I find that fanfiction is comforting to me, and that it might help others take their minds off it for a little while, too. So here I am.**

**Cory's death took my surprise and shook my whole world. I miss him terribly already. This world is a little darker, but we have to keep the ligh shining for those who need us. So, if any of you are having trouble dealing with this and need someone to talk, I'm here. We'll get through it together. I hope you all know how much I love you and appreciate you.**

**Thank you to my amazing beta, for everything.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Chris stared at the door blankly for what seemed like an eternity, after Darren walked out.

Darren was in love with him.

And now he had ruined everything instead of telling him the truth in time to save their relationship.

How had he let things get so out of control?

He knew Darren had asked for time, but he couldn't give it to him. he needed to explain before Darren could make a decision that would tear them apart even more. Maybe he had ruined any chance of being together, but he was still going to fight for whatever Darren was able to give him, even if it was only his friendship.

That was already more than what Chris deserved.

His car keys were still in the bowl by the door, where he had left them so long ago. He grabbed them and went after Darren, knowing he had already left, that he needed to catch up with him, to tell him everything, to beg him to listen. He couldn't just let him go. He would regret it forever if he lost him now.

When Chris was driving, he usually felt free. He felt like he could go anywhere. This time, he felt as if he was on a race to a finish line he couldn't reach, no matter how fast he drove.

* * *

Darren was nowhere to be found.

Chris scanned the streets, as he drove around looking carefully, but it was as if the other man had vanished.

Maybe he had. Maybe he had vanished from Chris'life forever. And didn't he deserve that?

Maybe Darren was better off without him.

* * *

When no one answered the doorbell, Chris pounded on the door, almost desperately. There had to be someone there. _Darren_ had to be there…

"Jesus, fuck! Who the hell is… oh, Chris!"

The door had opened abruptly and Chris found himself face to face with Joey, who was wearing only his underwear and looking completely confused.

"Joey, is Darren here?" Chris implored. He didn't care how desperate he sounded. He needed Joey to say yes. He needed Darren to be there so he could tell him everything.

"No, Darren isn't…" Joey frowned. "Wait. You recognized me? You know who I am?"

"Yes, my memory is back," Chris said impatiently. "Please. I need to see Darren. Have you seen him? Has he called you? Do you know where he is?"

"No, man," Joey answered, looking at Chris as if he was possessed. "I haven't seen Darren in a few days. He texted me yesterday, but… what's going on?"

Chris ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated. "We… we fought. I need to find him."

"I'm sorry," Joey seemed truly worried now. "I'll try calling him and see if I can find out where he is."

Joey grabbed his phone from where it was charging on a little table next to the door. He dialed Darren's number and waited, waited, waited…

"Nothing," he said at last, glancing at Chris regretfully. "He's not answering. I'll keep trying and tell him you're looking for him, if you want."

"Please," Chris looked at him pleadingly. "Just... tell him I'm really sorry. Tell him I'm the biggest idiot in the world. Tell him I just need ten seconds, ten little seconds to explain, and then he can forget about me if that's what he wants. Tell him… could you tell him I love him? Because I'm not sure I'll get the chance to tell him that myself."

Joey's eyes softened. He patted Chris' shoulder reassuringly. "I will, even though I think he should hear that last thing from you."

Chris nodded. He didn't know what else to say. Coming to the apartment Darren had shared with Joey before moving in with him was his last resort. Where else could he be? Maybe he was hanging out at some bar? Maybe he was at some other friend's house?

He could be anywhere.

"Thanks, Joey," Chris said sadly, before turning around and walking away.

He needed to keep looking, even if he knew he probably wouldn't find him.

* * *

Joey closed the door quietly once he saw Chris going into the elevator and then turned to look at Darren, who was leaning against the doorway that led to what had once been his bedroom.

"Thanks for covering for me, man," Darren muttered.

"Anytime," Joey smiled at him, hoping it was comforting. He sat on the couch and looked up at his friend in silence for a moment. "You heard what he said?"

Darren sighed and joined him on the couch. He closed his eyes, and rubbed at his temples to make the headache go away, even if he knew nothing would help. "I did."

Joey squeezed his knee. "What are you going to do?"

"Honestly? I have no idea," Darren rolled his head against the back of the couch so he could face Joey. "He lied to me, Joey. He lied. You know that's one of the worst things that anyone could ever do to me. I fucking _hate_ it when people lie to me. And he lied about the one thing that no one should ever lie about." He stood up. He felt restless. "I spent all of this time taking care of him, waiting for the moment when he would finally be better, putting my life on hold to be with him and… and this is what he does?"

"Maybe he has a good reason," Joey shrugged, trying to be reasonable. He didn't know Chris like Darren did, but he knew he was a good guy, and that he would never hurt Darren on purpose. And the way he looked standing at his door, telling him he loved Darren not even ten minutes ago? That was proof enough that there was something real there that Darren didn't understand yet.

"All I know is that he's been fucking selfish," Darren replied, angrily. "Everyone was worried sick about him. His family, his friends, me. Everyone. And he didn't give a fuck about any of that; he just lied to all of us! His mother calls almost every day and he just kept saying nothing had changed. What was he trying to do? How long was he going to lie? Did he think he could hide it forever? Why the fuck would he pretend to not remember anything at all after everything he went through since the accident? What is he trying to do?"

Joey sighed helplessly. "Darren, I have none of those answers. There's only one person who knows them, and that's Chris. If you want to know why he did it, you have to talk to him."

"I can't," Darren turned away. He couldn't face his friend if he was going to be on Chris' side.

"Then what are you going to do? You can't avoid him forever. You work together. You have all your stuff at his place. He's your best friend…"

"_You_ are my best friend," Darren corrected immediately, flashing him a hurt look.

"Fine. But he's the guy you're in love with," Joey said softly, and Darren glanced at him, knowing Joey was right. "And he loves you, too."

Darren's voice was shaky, close to tears, when he spoke again. "But I _can't_."

Joey nodded. "Okay. Then take your time. But don't be an idiot and miss your chance. I may not know him as well as you do, but Chris isn't the kind of guy who would hurt you because he wants to. Something must have made him do what he did. It doesn't mean you have to forgive him, but you should talk to him anyway. You owe it to yourself."

Darren didn't say anything else. He just couldn't deal with this yet.

"In the meantime, you can stay here for as long as you want to," Joey added with a little smile.

Darren turned to him, frowning. "Hey, I live here, too."

Joey tilted his head to the side, looking a little confused. "No, Darren. This isn't your home anymore, and we both know that."

Darren felt his heart sink even more in his chest.

* * *

It was well past midnight when Chris arrived back to his house. He managed to drag himself into the living room and onto the couch, but he didn't have strength for anything else.

He had gone everywhere he could think of. He had stopped at all of Darren's favorite bars, he had called all of their friends, he had driven around LA looking for the man with the crazy yet velvety curls, and the bright hazel eyes, but it had been in vain.

His cellphone buzzed in his pocket and he knew without even having to look at it who it was. Ashley had been calling almost non-stop all night. Chris realized the moment to face his best friend's wrath had finally come.

"Please don't yell at me. I know I deserve it, but I'm having the worst day of my life," Chris muttered as a greeting.

There was a brief silence on the other end. "Fine. I'll save the yelling for another day. What the _hell_ is going on?"

Chris tried to fight the tears. He really did. But everything was too much. These past few months had been hard, and he had never expected them to end like this. By losing Darren.

He cried as he explained everything to Ashley as best as he could. He apologized profusely a thousand times, knowing Ashley didn't deserve his lies either. He had done nothing but hurt the people who cared the most about him.

Ashley sighed once Chris was done, but her tone was gentle when she spoke. "I swear, as soon as I see you, as soon as all this mess is resolved, I'm going to punch you in that pretty face of yours, and you're gonna take it, because Christopher, you're such an idiot."

Chris buried his face in the couch cushion. "I know."

"Do you want me to come over? I can come stay with you tonight," Ashley offered.

It made him feel worse, that Ashley was still so kind to him after what he'd done. "No, Ash. Thanks, though. I think I need to be alone for now. Think."

"Of course," there was a small pause. "Even though this isn't the way I imagine things when I pictured you getting better, I'm glad you're back, Chris."

Chris didn't say anything. In that moment, as he lay there in the darkness of the living room, he thought that if he had to choose between regaining his memories and the man he was in love with, he would choose Darren every time.

Always Darren.

* * *

He stayed awake most of the night, listening to the sounds of the night enveloping the house around him.

He stayed awake hoping to hear a car engine, footsteps coming to the door, Darren's keys falling in the bowl in the hallway.

By the time sleep took him, the house was still silent and his hopes were completely broken.

* * *

The bright morning light forced Chris to blink his eyes open. It took him a few seconds to remember why he was sleeping on the couch instead of in his own bed, but when reality hit him, it fell hard. It crushed his chest, making it almost impossible to breathe, intensifying the ache in his heart.

He grabbed his cellphone from the coffee table, hoping to see a missed call from Darren, but there was nothing. No messages, no calls, nothing.

What if something had happened to Darren? He had been so upset when he left… But no. Chris couldn't afford to think like that. Darren was okay. He just didn't want to see or hear from Chris, and Chris couldn't blame him.

He didn't really like himself very much either, at this point.

Chris stood up, stretching his arms over his head and rolled his shoulders, trying to get rid of the kinks in his neck from sleeping on the couch. He had no idea what to do next. Should he go out and look for Darren again? Should he wait for Darren to come back? And what if Darren never came back? Yes, they would still see each other at work, but what if Darren didn't want anything to do with him anymore? What if that was it? What if one of Chris' most important frienships ended just because he had been too cowardly to do what was right?

What if Darren really was the love of his life and he was losing him because he had been too afraid to tell him about his feelings?

He made the decision to go look for him one last time, and then just leave him alone if he wasn't successful. If Darren wanted to see him, he would come back in his own terms. But first Chris needed to feel like he had done everything he could to find him, to explain to…

His train of thought vanished as soon as he walked into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before leaving. Standing at the counter, already pouring two cups of coffee, was Darren.

Chris stood there in confusion for a moment. Had the previous day been a horrible dream? How could Darren be back?

"Darren…" He murmured, carefully, as if he was scared the other man would disappear if he startled him.

Darren turned around to face him, leaning back against the counter and staring at him, his expression unreadable. He kept his hands around his cup of coffee and his eyes were deadly serious, fixed on Chris'. It was unnerving.

"Darren," Chris repeated, taking another step towards him. He didn't know what to say or do.

"You wanted a chance to explain," Darren said in a dark voice. "I'm listening."

Chris took a deep breath as he looked at Darren carefully. He seemed sad and tired, but he was here. He knew everything Darren was feeling right now was well-hidden inside of him, but knowing that he was safe, even if Chris had hurt him, was something to be grateful for.

"I'm so sorry," Chris finally said, because it seemed to be the best way to begin. "I was scared. I was having all these feelings for you that I couldn't really wrap my mind around, that I couldn't understand, and I freaked out. I thought that once my memory was back, you would want your own life back, and I know it was selfish of me, but I _needed_ you around. I still do."

Darren remained quiet. He didn't move; he didn't even blink. His eyes were burning into Chris', and it only made Chris more and more nervous. He had to do this right.

"I remembered everything that night you took me out for dinner. We were walking through the parking lot towards the car, and just… everything came back in a rush," he looked at Darren meaningfully. "It was the same restaurant I went to the night of the attack. That's where it happened, in the parking lot."

"I didn't know that," Darren muttered, almost apologetically. "I wouldn't have taken you there if I had known."

"It's okay, really," Chris shrugged, tried to smile and failed. "I guess it was a good thing. It helped me remember everything, after all." Chris carefully walked to where Darren was standing and grabbed the cup of coffee Darren had poured for him, making sure he didn't touch Darren at all. He took a few steps back and took a sip. "There was a point when I also was scared that it would be a false alarm, that I would wake up the next morning and my memories would be gone again. But then the next morning came, and everything was still there…"

"So you thought that after everything that happened between us, I would walk out on you just because you know who you were again?" Darren asked, an edge of disbelief slipping into his voice.

"I thought maybe the Chris you liked that way wasn't the Chris that I was before," he answered, hoping he was making sense. "Why would you only start liking me when I had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I didn't like?"

"The fact that I saw you in a different light doesn't mean I only love that part of you," Darren said, and the lack of a smile on his face was starting to be very painful. "Why would you like me now? Shouldn't I doubt your feelings, too?"

"I've _always_ liked you, Dare," Chris confessed ruefully. "I just never let it show before."

Darren put his cup down and crossed his arms over his chest. "Keep talking."

"Okay," Chris licked his lips, thinking. Was it possible that there was still a chance this could work? Was it possible that not everything was lost? "I didn't plan to lie to you. I hope you know that. I just… every time I would try to make myself tell you the truth, you did something that made me realize how much I needed you in my life, and not only as my best friend. I chickened out a million times, because I thought that as soon as I told you, you would decide I didn't need you and pack your stuff and go back to your apartment, and then I'd be alone, just like I was before all of this happened…"

"You know," Darren said and Chris stopped breathing to hang onto his every word. "I tend to be a pretty reasonable guy. I don't understand why you thought you couldn't talk to me."

Chris shook his head, disappointed in himself. "I wish I knew why. I know I can tell you anything, but this new _thing_ between us seemed so fragile... I was afraid it would break if I did something wrong. And then I broke it anyway."

Darren let out a frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his messy curls. "What do you want from me, Chris? What are you expecting me to say or do here? Do you have any idea how fucking big what you did was? It's not only me you're hurting. This lie affects everyone. Didn't you think about all the other people that love you?"

"In my defense, I really wasn't thinking clearly," Chris said bitterly. "I could only think about you, and I still screwed it up." Chris put his cup down, too. "And to answer your question, I only wanted a chance to talk to you. I can't ask you to forgive me and I can't ask you to stay with me. I mean, I wouldn't want to, if I were you. Why would you? You're the most amazing guy I've ever met, Darren. You're sweet, selfless, generous, kind, beautiful in every single way. You deserve someone who won't do stupid things like this. Because the thing is, yes, I've had relationships before, and they were far from perfect. But with you everything seems too perfect and I'm so afraid I'm going to break something. I'll keep doing stupid things, because I'm still learning to let myself love someone and be loved back, and you deserve someone who's not going to have to apologize for their mistakes all the time."

Darren's eyes were suddenly brighter, like a reflection of what they had always been, and Chris ached to move closer, to wrap his arms around him, to never let him go.

"I wanted to tell you the truth, so here it is," Chris took a deep breath. "I'm so crazy in love with you. I love you more than I've ever thought I could love someone. Part of me is happy that I got my memories back, because that means I get to remember the first time you smiled at me, or the first time you hugged me when I needed someone. But the other part of me wishes nothing had come back, because what's a bunch of memories when you could have the guy you love instead?"

Darren still wasn't showing any emotions, and Chris knew that had to be a bad sign. Darren was always such an expresive guy... this had to mean everything was over. It was all over. They were done.

Chris closed his eyes, willing the tears to wait a little longer. "I'll try really hard, I promise. I'll try really hard to hide my feelings for you, to ignore them. I'll pretend they never existed, if that's what you want. And I'll work to gain your trust back. But please... give me a chance to be friends with you, because I don't want to live without you in my life in some way. You're everything to me, Dare..."

"Fuck you, Colfer," Darren muttered, and Chris' eyes snapped open to see a small smile was tugging at Darren's lips. "You sure know how to give good speeches."

Chris shrugged, wiping away the rebel tears that had started making their way down his cheeks. "I mean every word."

"You're an asshole," Darren said.

"The biggest one," Chris agreed.

"I'm still very mad at you."

"Sounds fair. I'm mad at me, too."

"Fine," Darren rolled his eyes and then finally looked at Chris, the veil of seriousness vanishing, and Darren's usual expressive face took its place instead. "I have three conditions."

"I'm all ears," Chris mumbled, hope budding in his chest.

"First, you're going to call everyone and let them know your memory is back," Darren started, taking a step towards him. "Second, you're going to woo the fuck out of me until I decide it's time to forgive you for being the jerk you are."

"Consider both done," Chris rushed to say. "Anything you want. What's the third?"

"I'm moving in. Permanently. And I'm taking over one of the rooms in the house for a music studio," Darren said, a note of defiance in his voice.

Chris' heart stuttered in his chest. "You want to move in with me?"

Darren shrugged. "You said I could ask for anything. I want to share a home with you. I want to show you that I'm in love with all of you, not just a part of you, and that I really do mean it when I say I want to be with you."

Chris' mouth went dry. This wasn't how he had expected his nightmare to end. He hadn't expected it to turn into such a beautiful dream. "Yes. Of course. Okay."

"Okay?"

"You can move in," Chris nodded dumbly. "And you can set up the music studio in the basement. It's big enough for all the instruments you can think of, and the acoustics there are perfect."

"Good," Darren said. "Now come here and kiss me until I forget how much of an imbecile you can be."

Chris didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

Darren's skin was glistening with sweat. His hazel eyes were still dark, but it was a different kind of darkness taking over them now. It had nothing to do with heartbreak, and everything to do with raw desire running through his veins. He looked down at Chris, spread out on the bed, arching back in pleasure with every thrust of Darren's hips, and he wished he could keep this image, this moment, this memory forever.

"You're gonna let me come this time, aren't you?" Darren muttered as he nibbled on the shell of Chris' ear.

"_Yes_," Chris answered in a whimper. He moaned a little louder. "Right there, Darren, more."

Darren snapped his hips forward so hard that the headboard of the bed thumped against the wall and Chris cried out in pleasure. Their fingers were laced together above Chris' head, and their bodies rubbed against each other with every thrust, skin burning skin, hearts beating in unison, heaving chests in synchrony.

"How close are you?" Darren asked, trailing kisses along Chris' jaw until his lips were hovering right on Chris'.

"Very," Chris whispered, gasping when his cock got caught up between their stomachs just right. "You?"

Darren only hummed in response, fucking into Chris with a steady, perfect rhythm. Chris sneaked one of his hands out of their grasp and trailed the outline of Darren's spine with his fingertips, sending shivers all over him. He went all the way down until he could knead at the wonderfully firm muscles of Darren's ass.

Darren groaned. "Chris..."

One of Chris' fingers slid between his cheeks, the tip grazing lightly over his entrance and Darren moaned almost brokenly. Smiling against his lips, teasingly, Chris applied some pressure, not enough to push inside, but enough to make Darren feel it.

With a surprised gasp, Darren came suddenly, pulsing inside of Chris and letting his head drop onto the crook of his shoulder, where he bit on the curve to muffle his desperate moans. Chris held him close through it and kept rocking against him until he felt his own release rushing through him, spilling between them. Their orgasms were so intense that they could feel the aftershocks tingling their skin, weakening their muscles, emptying their lungs of air.

Darren panted against his neck, clinging to Chris tightly. He knew he had to move at some point or he would end up crushing his boyfriend, but he was too contented, too exhausted to do so.

Chris could feel Darren's lips stretching into a smile. He made the effort to lift his hand enough to run his fingers through Darren's damp curls. They were both gross, all sticky and sweaty, but Chris didn't care. He couldn't remember feeling this happy, this full, this grateful for his life...

"Well, that was definitely the best sex I've ever had," Darren mumbled sleepily.

Chris chuckled and kissed his temple. "I have to agree."

"Gimme five minutes and we'll do it again," Darren yawned, and it was the most adorable thing Chris had ever seen.

"Sleep first, Dare," he whispered.

Darren nuzzled his face against Chris' neck. "Mmkay. Just a little nap." He shifted just enough so he wasn't completely on top of Chris anymore. He still held him as close as humanly possible, and managed to drop a lazy kiss on his collarbone. "I'm so in love with you."

A bright smile made its way to Chris' face. His heart beat a little faster, and for a moment he thought it would burst right out of his chest, exploding with happiness. "I'm so in love with you, too, Dare."

Darren was out like a light in just a few seconds, but Chris was wide awake, contemplating the life before him without being able to believe he'd had it all when he had been so close to losing everything he'd ever cared about. He was lucky in so many ways, and he didn't dare close his eyes, because he was scared he would fall asleep only to realize this was nothing but an elaborate, wonderful dream.

The solid press of Darren's head on his shoulder told him otherwise. This was his life now; a life that had been lost and found again. He felt like the phoenix: his memories had been burnt to ashes, and he had been able to create new ones, amazing ones. He had lost his best friend in a swirl of confusion, only to find him again, as a best friend, as a lover, as his everything.

It was all worth it, Chris decided as he felt the rise and fall of Darren's chest against his side. Going through the bad was worth it. It made all the good even better.

It gave him memories worth keeping.

* * *

**This was the last chapter. There's a short epilogue left, which will be probably up on Monday/Tuesday.**

**Thanks for reading x**

**L.-**


	16. Epilogue

**Hi, everyone. Here's the epilogue!**

**Please read the Author's Note at the end.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

The house had never felt so full, so noisy. There were voices everywhere, a stereo was on and someone was singing along, and the constant sound of boxes being moved around reached the kitchen where Chris was cleaning up after their lunch break.

When their friends had heard that Darren was moving in with them, they all offered to help, to make the moving day a big party. That was when they found out exactly how much crap Darren had been keeping at his old apartment, which was surprising considering it wasn't _that_ big, and now they were working more than they were partying, knowing that they needed to get everything done soon or they'd have to come back the next day.

Chris put the left-over pizza in the fridge and then moved to the sink to wash some glasses. He couldn't stop smiling. He couldn't stop thinking about how he was going to wake up next to Darren every day in the foreseeable future, and beyond, if he had any say in it. He thought of building his future with this man, not only as his friend, but as the man he was deeply in love with, too, and his insides seemed to tingle.

A pair of arms snaked their way around his waist from behind, and Darren rested his chin on his shoulder, squeezing him lightly.

"Hey roomie."

Chris' smile widened. "Hi, roomie." He turned his head enough to kiss Darren's cheek as he kept washing. "Everything okay out there? I'm almost done here and I'll start taking your boxes of clothes to m-... _our_ room."

Darren grinned hapily. "Everything's great. I just wanted five seconds alone with you."

Humming in contentment, Chris turned the water tap off and then shifted in Darren's arms until they were face to face. "Well, you have your five seconds. What are you going to do about it?"

"Ooh, getting cheeky now, aren't you?" Darren laughed wholeheartedly. He pressed his lips to the smirk in Chris'. "I'll show you exactly what I'm going to do about it..."

Chris parted his lips in anticipation, and Darren immediately licked his way into his mouth, sighing into the kiss when he felt the welcoming warmth and wetness that was already so familiar. Chris moved his tongue forward, caressing Darren's softly, knowing he could drive his boyfriend crazy with that.

Just when Darren was trying to supress a groan, someone chuckled and they parted abruptly, looking at the kitchen entrance to find Mark and Lea there. Mark was arching an eyebrow at them and Lea was smiling so much that her eyes were almost invisible in her face.

"Dudes, you should have told us we're allowed to take breaks to make out," Mark muttered.

"Oh shut up," Lea smacked his arm, still smiling. It was sort of terrifying. "It was hot. You may continue."

Darren snorted, and hid his face on the crook of Chris' neck. Chris chuckled and rubbed his back, deciding that ignoring their friends' teasing was the fastest way to move on.

"What's up, guys?" He asked.

"Well, this box wasn't labeled," Mark said, and only then did Chris notice he was holding a box. "So I opened it. And it's full of weird shit, so I didn't know what to do with it."

"What do you mean, weird?" Chris frowned.

"Uhm," Mark looked down into the box and picked something up. "Is this a princess crown?"

Darren's head snapped up. "Oh yeah! That's my Sleeping Beauty crown. I got it years ago when I went to Disney for the first time."

Mark only blinked, then reached for something else. "What about this shiny thing?"

"If you don't know what that is, dude, we can't be friends," Darren said seriously as Chris bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. "That's a mail-shirt. Frodo's mail-shirt. The one that saved his life when the fellowship went down into Moria?"

It looked like Mark was still confused. "So these are all... what? Halloween costumes?"

"Halloween cost...-" Darren exclaimed, eyes wide. "No! They're not silly Halloween costumes. What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, whoa, okay," Mark turned to Chris. "Good luck living with _him_, dude."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Just take that box downstairs to his studio. We'll find a place for it later."

As Lea and Mark left, Darren turned to Chris, pouting. "You're not making me get rid of all my weird, childish stuff?"

"Honey, no," Chris answered, kissing him as reassuringly as he could. "You can keep everything you want, everything that's dear to you."

"Thanks," Darren smiled brightly.

Chris bit his lip again and pressed their bodies together. He played with a loose curl on Darren's forehead. "So, uhm... that Mithril mail-shirt... do you think you could, maybe, possibly, put it on tonight?"

Darren's hazel eyes went big as saucers, and then darkened. "Oh. So... uhm. You're into stuff like that?"

Chris brushed a kiss to his jaw. "I'm into _you_."

Darren was a little breathless when he replied. "Yes. Yes, I could... I could totally wear it. Later. Tonight."

"Good," Chris pulled away and steered Darren towards the hallway. "Now go help the others and I'll start with the clothes."

Darren walked away, but not before Chris managed to pat his butt quickly, like a playful promise of what was to come.

Darren really liked what was to come.

* * *

They had to practically push Lea out the door later that evening, and glared at Cory so he would take her away. She had been chasing them with her phone all day, ready to snap a picture whenever they seemed close enough to share a little kiss.

"Come on, just one tiny picture!" She begged as Chris closed the door.

"Bye, Lea!"

Chris leaned against the closed door and sighed. He was tired. It had been a long day, and he was grateful that at least they had gotten everything done. Darren was fully moved-in, and they only had to get rid of the empty boxes in the morning. No, afternoon. He was planning to sleep in. And if he happened to wake up early... well, he was sure Darren wouldn't mind if he woke him, too, by trailing kisses down his body.

"We can officially say that we're living together now," Darren said happily as he took a step forward to trap Chris against the door.

"Yes, we are," Chris replied just as happily. He held Darren against him. His arms were a little stiff after moving boxes around all day and unpacking. "And I say we should start this new stage in our lives with..."

"Blowjobs?" Darren asked, hopeful.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Showers, you sweaty animal."

Darren pouted. The bastard knew he could control Chris every time he did that. "That's no fun."

"We're dirty, sweaty and disgusting," Chris grabbed his hand and started guiding him upstairs. He looked over his shoulder with a flirty grin. "And who says blowjobs can't happen in the shower?"

"Now you're talking," Darren said, a lot more enthusiastically, and he bounced all the way to the bathroom.

* * *

It was much later that night when they finally allowed the peace of the house to surround them, no longer interrupting the silence of the night with their moans or the rhythmic slap of skin on skin. Darren was nested in Chris' arms, ear pressed on his chest, listening to the steady heartbeats. Chris' fingers were ghosting up and down Darren's spine, and every now and then he leaned his head to kiss the tangle of Darren's curls. Their legs were tangled and the sheets were soft against their skins, and nothing seemed to be wrong in the world right now. For once in his life, Chris felt nothing but peace and happiness.

Darren dropped a kiss to the middle of his chest and then shifted to look up at him. His hazel eyes were bright in the near darkness of the room and Chris found himself unable to breathe as he stared at his stunningly attractive boyfriend.

"I love you," he said simply and Chris smiled.

"I love you, too," Chris whispered. He found Darren's hand and intertwined their fingers together. "And I love this... _this life_. It's so much better than anything I've ever dreamed of."

Darren nuzzled against his shoulder. "I know exactly what you mean." He watched in delight as Chris took his time to kiss each of Darren's fingers from the hand he was holding. He sighed, feeling he would explode with the happiness beating inside of him. "I feel like I'm where I was always supposed to be."

"Mm. And where is that?" Chris asked teasingly.

"Naked in bed with a guy who's not only gorgeous, but also has quite a talented tongue, especially when he pokes it up my..."

"Darren!" Chris smacked his shoulder, laughing against his will. "You _asshole_, you ruined the romantic moment!"

"I did not!" Darren mock-gasped. "I was just being bluntly honest!"

Chris rolled his eyes and went back to stroking Darren's hair, loving how the dark curls felt like silk around his fingers.

"Now, when you call me an asshole..." Darren started, thoughtfully. "Is that your way of telling me you want to put your tongue back there or...?"

Chris beat him with a pillow, and Darren defended himself by tickling Chris. Chris' laughter filled the house and Darren's heart clenched in his chest, suddenly overwhelmed with the love he felt for Chris.

Yes, this was where he was supposed to be, this was home, and this… this was a life truly worth living.

And he couldn't wait to see what every new day with Chris would bring.

* * *

**I cannot believe this story has come to an end. I spent so much time on it and I had it around for so long until it was finally time to share it with all of you, that it feels weird to know all of that is done. But it's been an amazing ride, as usual. You guys make writing and posting one of the highlights of my life and I'm so grateful for every single second you spend reading my words, reviewing and sending me messages on Tumblr or Twitter. Thank you so much for your endless support and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.**

**There is one person who I always need to mention at the end of a story, and that's my magnificent beta, Wutif. She's not only fantastic helping me with my stories, but she's also one of the best friends I could've ever asked for. Thank you for your help. I have no idea where I'd be without you :)**

**That said, I can tell you guys that my next fic, a 21-chapter Klaine AU, will be up on August 1st. It's called _In My Place_ and I'm terribly excited for all of you to read it. I hope you come back to give it a chance ;)**

**See you again soon!**

**Love,**

**L.-**


End file.
